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Author Topic: what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?  (Read 1480 times)

Offline unknown
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« on: December 24, 2000, 12:45:01 PM »
wekll what is it? i will post mine as soon as i can remember it, oh yeah well it wasnt a joke but it was funny as hell, when everyonemade those polles in that thread about potatoe cake lmao
\"So are you going to kill her off?\"
Are you insane! I love her character, she stays.
\"The only thing loves done is put you in this position, I say kill her off!\"
Yeah, but you say a lot of things..
and how does that work....  You\'re a bicycle..

[/i][/size]

Offline Darth Joyda
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2000, 02:45:02 PM »
There\'s so many good ones...

But okay, here\'s a dry-one.

Once was a deer-hunter wich promised to identify all animal-skins blind-folded and drunk. This included the sex, the species and the way they were killed. One day pack of his friends wanted to test it out. They went to the hunting-lodge to forest and brought a few animal-skins there. The man was blind-folded but they didn\'t let him drink anything. They gave the first skin to the man. For their amazement the man started to speak:
"A deer\'s skin, female, killed with a rifle". They gave another skin. They were even more amazed as the man continued:
"A rabbit\'s skin, male, shot from close range with a magnum" The men then gave up. The next week they figured to test him out again but this time drunk, because he had promised to do all the above correct even as drunk.

Next day the man woke up with two black eyes. He had a terrible head-ache. He then asked his wife about the black eyes if she\'d know why he had them. Wife then answered:
"You came home late yesterday and put your hand between my legs and you said: Wet Big Rat, female, killed with knife; anyone would have been p1ssed off!!!"

I don\'t know if I translated that right, but it was funny in finnish. I hope that wasn\'t too dry.
[FONT=\"Impact\"][SIZE=\"4\"][COLOR=\"SlateGray\"]\"If only you could see what I have seen with your eyes\"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Offline Halberto
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2000, 02:48:36 PM »
That was kinda funny.

Offline ooseven
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2001, 02:30:25 AM »
ok
so theres this guy and he is making love to a pumking in a field, the police see him and aresst him.

on questioning the man why did he did it he replyed

DAMN IT MUST BE AFTER MIDNIGHT
“If you’re talking about sheep or goats, there could be some issues,” [/color]

Offline 6(sic)6
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2001, 04:13:28 AM »
hahahehehehohoho
:laughing:
:laughing:
:laughing:
:laughing:
:laughing:
:laughing:
:laughing:
:)
:laughing:
Is that from radio shack?

Offline StAnZo
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2001, 09:40:39 AM »
ok i don\'t want to offend anybody but here\'s a dirty one...

one day sarah, a little girl, wanders into the bathroom whlst her mother was having a shower.
she looks down and spotted her mums f@nny and asks "what\'s that mommy". mommy then looked at sarah all shamefull
and thinking of what to say, she said "Ohh that\'s my sponge" and little sarah just nodded and left the bathroom.
now about a week later sarah happens to stumble upon her mother again but this time mummy had shaven down below
sarah asks "where\'s your sponge mommy" and mommy again being very concerned and shy said "oh i must have lost it"
sarah wanders out again. half an hour later sarah returns..

"mummy" she said, "iv\'e found your sponge", mommy was quite surprised by this and asks..
"where did you find it" sarah said "just seen the woman next door washing dads face with it"

:D
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http://media.ebaumsworld.com/afroninja.mpg

Offline Samwise
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2001, 09:46:57 AM »
LOL 00seven and Stanzo! Those were pretty funny!

I\'ll see if I can find a good one to post here... Stay tuned! :D
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAPETIME!
(thanks Chizzy!)

Offline Darth Joyda
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2001, 10:22:13 AM »
Here\'s a funny one ( for some finnish ppl anyway ):

BTW NO OFFENCE farmers; this is quite pervert so don\'t read if want to avoid harmful language!

What\'s same between Gay and a Farmer?
They both lay their seeds to sh1t

I hope I translated that correctly.

Ooseven\'s and Stanzo\'s are funny too; but I had to think a little before I got the Ooseven\'s joke :D
[FONT=\"Impact\"][SIZE=\"4\"][COLOR=\"SlateGray\"]\"If only you could see what I have seen with your eyes\"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Offline EmperorRob
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slight language warning
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2001, 01:10:38 PM »
OK there were these 2 owls, one brown and one grey, who hung out at this golf course all the time.  One day 3 doctors came to play golf at the course.

The doctors were arguing about who the better surgeon was when they came upon the 9th hole green and saw the grey owl sleeping on a low branch on one of the trees near by.

The first doctor says, "I\'m easily the best surgeon.  I could remove that owl\'s tonsels without him waking up."  The other 2 doctors goad him into proving it and so he does.  The 2nd doctor says "I\'m better than you because I can castrate that owl without him waking up."  And again the other 2 doctors encourage him.  So he performs the surgery and the owl sleeps through it all.  

After this the other 2 doctors agree he is the best and so they finish the course and go home.  The next day the brown and grey owl are flying over the course when the brown owl says "Let\'s sit down somewhere and get some rest."  

"Ok", says the grey owl.  "But not anywhere around the 9th hole".

"Why is that?"  added the brown owl.

"I sat down there yesterday and when I woke up I couldn\'t hoot worth a f.uck or f.uck worth a hoot."

THE END
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Offline Sublimesjg
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #9 on: January 02, 2001, 02:18:46 PM »
ok here is one my friend sent me a while back:

There was this couple whom had been dating a while and the guy decided he wasnted the girl to meet his parents.

Well the girl was really nervous and wanted to make a good impression. When Dinner was served she started to get some gas.Not wanting anyone to hear her pass gas - she help it in.

But after some discomfort she thought she would let a little pass through.So she let out a little fart amd to her suprise it was louder than she expected. The dad then turned and yelled at he family dog,Twiggy."Damn it Twiggy"

Feeling relieved that she could get away with she then let out some more and once again the man yell at the dog.

Then she thought she would go a head and let it all out and did, then the dad turned and said ,

"Damn it Twiggy, move away from that girl before she ****s on you."
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Offline Regent Weber
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2001, 08:20:53 AM »
A young man on vacation in China becomes lost in the woods. After 2 days, he finally comes across a small home. Upon knocking on the door, an old chinese man answers who just happens to speak english.

The man explains his predecament and asks the old man if he could give him a ride to the nearest village or town. The old man answers that it is too late to leave, but offers him dinner and promises to give him a ride the next day. During dinner, the man notices a beautiful woman shows up for dinner and asks his host who she is. "She is Yung-Li, my daughter.", he explains.

After dinner, the host leads him upstairs to a bedroom. "You may sleep here.", he offers. "But I must warn you now. I love my daughter very much. And if you take advantage of her, you will suffer the 3 worst Chinese tortures known to mankind." With that he quietly closes the door, and the house settles into a night-time quiet.

The young man settles into the bed, but is unable to sleep. Visions of the daughter stir his mind. "What the heck," he thinks,"he\'s just an old man. He probably never even know." So he gathers up his courage, and quietly sneaks out of his bedroom, and into Yung-Li\'s. The next few hours turn out to be even better than he dared to dream. Some time before dawn he wearily creeps back into his room, and collapses into sleep on his bed.

He awakens later to a strange sensation. He opens his eyes to see a sign attached to a good sized boulder:
"Chinese torture #1: Big Rock on Chest."

The young man lets out a groan and thinks, "This guy is really stupid if thats the worst he can do.". He slowly rises from the bed and takes the rock over to a open window and throws it out. Just as he throws it, he notices a second sign by the window:
"Chinese torture #2: Left Testicle tied to Rock."

"Oh, s.h.i.t!", he cries and leaps out the window. Then he notices a huge sign at the bottom:
"Chinese torture #3: Right Testicle tied to Bedpost."

Hope you enjoy!:D
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Offline Mac1
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2001, 04:15:24 PM »
Bob goes into a bar and tells the bartender give me anything but a budlight. The bartender asks "why anything but budlight, whats wrong with budlight"? Bob responded well i drank a case of budlight last night and i blew Chunks. The bartender says "well almost anyone that drinks a case of beer is going to blow chunks..... Then Bob said "you dont understand sir my dogs name is chunks...

Offline nO-One

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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2001, 02:12:25 PM »
After a big ship sank at see only 3 people survived 2 guy\'s and a girl.They managed to swim to a nearby island.
They held out hope about being rescued for about a month or two,but then lost hope.
After about 3 months nature started to take it\'s course and these people started to get sexually attracted to each other and started having sexual intercourses.
After about 6 months the girl relised what she had done she had been sleeping with 2 men at the same time.She felt sick and decided to take her own life.
The day after the horney young lads found her body,they were absolutly devestated but after some time they got over it and nature started to take it\'s course again.
But after about 2 months the guys relised what they had been doing.........so they decided to bury her body.

A little dirty but it cracked me up.
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Offline Darth Joyda
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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2001, 11:08:39 AM »
hmmm here\'s few pervert ones... for all the perverts in this forum ( CLOSE YOUR EYES IF UNDER 18.. UM... I MEAN 14!!! )

first one:
A girl goes into the doctor\'s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he\'s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he\'s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

and one more:

An eighty year old couple decide to try for a child. They visit the doctor who asks the old geezer to produce a sperm sample in a bottle. After two weeks, the couple return and the bottle is empty. "What\'s the problem?" asks the doctor. "Well," says the old man, "First I tried it with my right hand, then my left. Then my wife tried it with her right hand, then her left. Then she tried it with her teeth in and with her teeth out, and we still can\'t get the lid off the bloody bottle."

these are quite funny :laughing:
[FONT=\"Impact\"][SIZE=\"4\"][COLOR=\"SlateGray\"]\"If only you could see what I have seen with your eyes\"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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what is the funniest joke that you have ever heard?
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2001, 02:26:15 PM »
ok check this out.

A man walks into a bar...ouch

aahahahhahahahahahaa
aaahahhahahahahaaaha

gets me every time.

 

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