Don\'t ever eat veggie chilli if you plan to be out of the house. Holy gassness.....
I was driving to the mall with my girlfriend one cold night about 3 days before Christmas. The whole trip, my legs felt like it was getting eroded by the gas that was building up within me. Since it was cold, I couldn\'t open the windows and I wasn\'t about to let one loose and cause my girlfriend to have a nose bleed.
Luckily, we got to the mall without any accidental slips. Whew! Well, like we typically do at the mall, we do our seperate shopping so just before she left, she gave me a big, tight hug. I had no idea that she would tickle me at the same time but my sphincter held its ground. "Whew" again!
Well.....\'twas time to find a place to let one go without getting any of the Christmas shoppers\' attention. And man.....it was a packed mall. Not a single safe place to cut some bad cheese. Luckily, an elevator nearby opened and NO ONE WAS INSIDE! (there is a God)! I slipped in and hoped no one would follow. And luckily, no one did. (Thank the Lord!) As the doors slid shut, I let one rip.....and by golly, that fart gave the impression the elevator doors were as rusty as Dracula\'s coffin door!
And what a release of energy that was! Halelleua! I could have filled up one of those car dealer blimps!
Second floor. *ting*
I trotted out of the sauna I just created in that gas chamber. And feeling sorry for any poor soul who went in there, I took a glance back at the elevator to spy on the poor saps who\'d have the unfortunate whiff of my evil spirit that once dwelled in the chasm of my bowels.
And who did I see in there? My girlfriend. I tried to call her name but the door began to slide shut. And just before it did, I could see my girl\'s face get contorted.
And to think I fought like the exorcist to keep it in during the whole trip to the mall.