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Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: luckee on July 17, 2002, 10:44:25 AM
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These get scarier and scarier every year. They are finally out again.
You all know about the Darwin Awards - It\'s an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year\'s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees are:
9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6\'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman\'s wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl\'s uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube\'s other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.
5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver\'s attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring (pocket animal), which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi\'s life, the woman lost her own.
4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma".
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of thetechnicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as \'bright\' by his peers.
The latest nominee for this year\'s Darwin Award goes to....
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez\'s scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez\'s scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro-shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
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Good god, people are so stupid. Haven\'t visited the site in ages, would\'ve missed these too if it wasn\'t for you... *hugs*
And, yeah... LOL! :laughing:
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going thru all the nominees i dont know wether to:
a. Laugh my A$$ of
b. puke all over the place.
c. laugh again.
d. feel completely disgusted.
e. still keep laughing.
f. grab my crotch and yell out ARGHOHHHWWWWWAAAAA.
g. laugh some more.
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My god, that last one is just....wrong.
Eee...i can feel the pain.
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Big up to the man from Ohio!!!!!!!!!
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Well hopefully none of them had kids, as to pass the genes along to them.
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Boy the last one must have hurt... :p
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Let\'s say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television,and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh,gee, that must hurt."
The man doubles over and actually feels pain.
You can only imagine...
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Oh god, that last one...I can feel his pain :(
These are funny as hell though. The 2nd one...god there are some weird people out there.
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Originally posted by luckee
9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Sounds like a Canadian, eh?
:p
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So did that last guy die?......if not that one does not fit the description of the awards.....although, his pain was worse than any death.
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Sure it does. The awards are given to people who do a service to the gene pool by taking their genes out of it. After that incident, do you really think that guy\'s gonna be having any children?
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I\'m now going to my favorite lesbian website and spend some "special time" with my penis. I will stroke it lovingly. Iwill tickle its most sensitive of areas.
BUT IN NO WAY WILL I EVER, EVER, EVER HOOK UP ELECTRICAL APPLIANCES TO IT OR STICK IT IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN A HOT CHICK!
ok, maybe samwise too...
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the guy with the gas mask hose is beyond the word wierd!! but I think ball washer should be the winner???? or should it be loser?
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That last one is just... omg, ouch :crap:
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Originally posted by luckee
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez\'s scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez\'s scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro-shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
That\'s just wrong.:crap:
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I really did feel pain in the last one. Didn\'t it say that he was drunk though?
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Originally posted by Titan
I really did feel pain in the last one. Didn\'t it say that he was drunk though?
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix
Yeah but you know he\'s gonna feel that for awhile.
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Originally posted by shockwaves
Sure it does. The awards are given to people who do a service to the gene pool by taking their genes out of it. After that incident, do you really think that guy\'s gonna be having any children?
Well the description does say Killing themselves so i was just wondering.
But yes, he wont be having kids any time soon.
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holy ba jesus!!!!! man that last one was the funniest thing i have heard.....well....this year... :lol: great post