PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: on August 16, 2002, 02:24:00 PM
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Here it is:
A man is talking to his buddies, and they\'re all telling him about this hooker they go to. They tell him she can give head while singing the National Anthem, and it\'s the best head they\'ve ever had. Anxious to experience this for himself, he visits the hooker. He pays, she turns out the lights, she makes with the head, and she sings the National Anthem. The man can\'t believe it. He thinks about this all week long, and he can\'t seem to figure out how she could give him head and sing the National Anthem all at once. He decides to go back and find out how she does it. He goes back to the hooker. Again he pays, again she turns out the lights, and again she starts singing the National Anthem while giving him head. All of a sudden, he reaches over and turns on the light.
And there on the table next to him was a glass eye.
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Heard it.
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Disguting, but mildly amusing.
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(https://psx5central.com/community/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.uniquehardware.co.uk%2Fserver-smilies%2Fcontrib%2Fgeno%2Fkotzen.gif&hash=db8325556426e64298566baf6a182b6eb52a3c1e) Gross
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if i had a nickle for every time that happened to me....
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Ewwww....
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That\'s nasty:hold:
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ok since this is a joke thread.......
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There was a farmer who wanted to get his sheep pregnant so he took them to the vet.
"Im sorry sir, these sheep have to be artificailly inseminated" said the vet.
The farmer not knowing what artificially inseminated means and not wanting to show his ignorance says"okay, but how do i know when they are pregnant"
"when they are laying on the grass"
So the farmer takes his sheep home and is wondering how the hell to artificially inseminate them. Well he loads them into his truck, takes them out to the boonies and has sex with all of them.
The next day he wakes up and looks out the window, the sheep are all walking around. "Damn", he says. "Well i guess i\'ll try again".
So he loads them into his truck, takes them out to the boonies and has sex with all of them...again.
The next day he wakes up and looks out the window, the sheep are all STILL walking around.
"well heck, i guess ill just try one last time".
So he loads them into his truck, takes them out to the boonies and has sex with all of them.
Now after all of this he is just exhausted he heads straight for bed. the next morning he is just too tired to get out of bed so he says to his wife.
"Wife, go over to the window and tell me what the sheep are doing.
His wife goes over to the window and says.....
"I dunno but they are all loaded into the truck and ones honking the horn"
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ya ya, its pretty long.......just read it ya bastids.
.....whats funny about this joke is that it took me a couple of seconds to get......ya, im stupid that way.
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First one is f\'n SICK! [BARF]
Second one is funny, I can imagine the sheep in the truck honking. :laughing:
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dude sick jokes rule they were both funny
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rofl at both of those jokes!!!!
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A man died and went to hell. Upon arrival he met with the CDIC (Chief Devil in Charge).
Devil: "We run things a bit differently nowadays, you get to pick your own personal hell."
Man: "That\'s not so bad, whatcha got?"
Devil: "Well, I\'m going to open a series of doors, look inside, assess the situation and then tell me if that\'s where you want to spend eternity."
Man: "OK."
The devil opens the first door and there\'s a room of people standing on their heads on a hardwood floor.
Man: "Ouch, that seems painful. It\'s not for me, what\'s next."
The devil opens the next door to reveal the same situation, only on concrete floors.
Man: "That looks worse, got anything left."
The devil opens the third door to reveal a room full of people standing knee deep in shit drinking coffee.
Man: "Well, the shit smells but I could stand the smell and drink coffee all day. I\'ll take this one."
Devil: "Are you sure this is the one you want."
Man: "Absolutely!"
The devil then escorts him in the room shuts and locks the door. As soon as the door closes, a whistle blows and a loud speaker says "Alright, coffee break is over, back on your heads."
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OK here are a couple of sick ones, don\'t flame me I\'m just the messenger :p
Q: What did the girl with no legs and no arms get for her birthday
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A:..........cancer
tee hee
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A buisness man was in some city for something. Well after a long meeting he took a cab back to his hotel. Feeling stressed he asked the driver where he could get some action.
"Well" the driver said, "I usually don\'t condone this type of thing, but you seem stressed and all so I\'ll tell you this secret. Go to the this monestary (or church or whatever). Ask for Sister Jane, tell her you\'re Jesus...she\'ll do anything for you."
The buisness man thought "Well a nun is much better than a sleezy whore." So he went to his hotel wrapped him self in some towels and went to the church. Asked for sister Jane and told her he was Jesus. "ohhh Jesus" she said "I\'ll do anything for you"
"Well, after being in heaven for like 2000 years I haven\'t gotten laid in well.....2000 years. So do you mind?"
"Of course anything for you Jesus" she said "But, I\'m having my perioud now...I\'m worried I might get pregnant...so you think you could go in the backdoor?"
"Well sure beats jerking it" he said so they got down to some backdoor action.
After all the hub bub was over the guy took the towels off and said "HAH HAH you silly nun, I\'m not Jesus just some guy hah hah hah"
Then the nun got up and took her robe off "hah hah" she said "I\'m not the nun I\'m the cab driver hah hah hah"
I might have posted these before, I\'m not sure.
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All of these are great jokes... I like the sheep one. Thats just gross.
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A penguin was driving down the road in brand new Cadillac, window down and enjoying the wind. All of a sudden he begins hearin a terrible knocking from the engine. Not wanting to damage his new car more, he pulls it into the nearest mechanics shop to get it checked out.
The mechanic told the penguin, "Well we\'re pretty swamped today. It\'ll be an hour at least until I get a chance to look at it." The penguin, spying a grocery store across the street, said, "no problem.. I\'ll jus go hang out in that grocery store for awhile. So he waddled his way over to the store and immedeately headed to the freezer section where he began munching down on ice cream and frozen fish sticks. After about an hour the penguin heads back over to the mechanic shop to check on his car.
The mechanic met him at the door, wiping his greasy hands on a rag. He looked to the penguin and said, "Well, looks like you just blew a seal." The penguin blushes and looks around, wiping the white stuff from his beak.. "No... no.. that\'s just Vanilla Ice Cream."
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A man walks up to his blind dates house, and is surprised to see that she lives with her parents because she\'s confined to a wheelchair. Not wanting to appear a total prick, he reluctantly decides to go on the date anyway. As the night goes on, he discovers that he really likes this girl.. and relaxed.. they both enjoy an increadible date. Later on, he takes her to the local make out point and things begin heating up. Unfortunately, since she\'s crippled, they find it hard to get into a position to make love. The girl then offers up an idea. "Hey, how about you carry me over to that tree. I\'ll grab onto one of the low branches and that way it\'ll be easier for both of us." The man agrees, carrys her over and they both enjoy some of the most mind blowing sex they\'ve ever had.
When the date was finsihed, he drove her home and wheeled her back up to her front door where her parents were waiting. "Well," The father said, "I\'m glad to see that chivalry isn\'t dead". "Your daughter is a wonderful girl," the man replied, "It\'s the least I could do for her." "Yeah," the father said, "I know.. but most guys jus leave her hanging in a tree somewhere."
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Ok.. so they weren\'t that funny. STFU. :evil:
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the first ones a classic but you should switch it a alskan chick and a snowmoblie instead of a penguin and a cadillac it just all little farfetched
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They were all quite good and sick and funny
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Here\'s a nice little aussie joke.. Can\'t remember it right though.
Remember, It\'s a joke.
One day there\'s a Australian, A Chinese man and a American.
They were on a ship, that started to sink. So they decided they needed to throw over whatever they could to stop the ship from sinking..
So first the Chinese man throws off a tone of rice, The american asks the chinese man why he through off all the rice. The chinese man replied by saying he had enough rice in his country. So then the American through over a tone of junkfood. The Australian asked the American why he did it. The American replied by saying he had enough of it in his country. So the Australian thought of what he could get rid off, he looked at the chinese man. Grabbed him, and through him over the side of the ship. The American asked "what the hell did you do that for" the Australian replied by saying "Had to many of them in my country"
ahh :)
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heard that one before, but with different nationalities, ie american throws a Mexican
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Ok, here\'s another one.. These are off the top of my head. so if there\'s mistakes.. too bad.
Oneday there\'s a plane flying with 10 kids, a pilot and Micheal Jackson. The plane starts to have engine troubles and the pilot tells micheal there\'s only 2 parachuttes. Micheal asks the pilot "But what about the children?" The pilot replies with "F#ck the children!!" So micheal then responds with "Do we have time?"
So there u go, another crappy joke from the soul man.
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thought i would contribute.....
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One day Jonny came skipping home from school as happy as can be. He skipped into the kitchin when his mother asked him why he was so happy.
"I had sex today" said Jonny.
"WHAT!.......you are only 14 years old, what are you doing having sex? go to your room!.....when your father gets home i\'ll send him up to talk to you"
So Jonny goes to his room. Later his father walks in and says...
"Now, son i heard what happened today and let me be the first to...........congradulate you!...you my boy, are now a man."
"But dad?...mom said that what i did was wrong." said Jonny.
"Nevermind what she said son, and if she asked what we talked about just say it was man talk"
So the next day Jonny comes home from school again. In a few hours his dad comes home and asks him...
"So son, did you have sex again today?"
Jonny replies........"No dad, my ass hurts too much from yesterday"
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Here\'s another one for you pervs.
Little Billy one day went into the kitchen and asked his mom, "how old am I mom?", "why, you\'re 5 years old Billy."
So Billy ran into the living room and asked his grandma "how old am I grandma?" and she responded "well, you\'re 5 years old Billy."
So Billy ran into the next room (just some other room) and asked his grandpa "how old am I grandpa?" too which he responded "let me feel your balls and I\'ll tell you." So Billy dropped his pands and grandpa started feeling away, then he said "hmmmmm well, you\'re 5 years old Billy." Billy was amazed "wow, you could tell that just from feeling my balls?.
"No, I just heard your grandma saying it before."
heh heh
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The nauseating putrefaction of rain forests will equalize cosmic family values.