PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: luckee on August 17, 2002, 04:51:21 PM
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Feel free to add some of yer own.
A pirate walks into a bar. He has a steering wheel hanging from his zipper. Bartender says "There\'s a steering wheel hanging from your zipper." Pirate says:
"Aye! And it\'s drivin\' me nuts!"
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Q. What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
A. Ouch!
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What do you call a Canadian lesbian?..................................................... A Klondike
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What do you call a gay guy in the Caribbean?.................................Tropical fruit
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what goes CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP...?
an Amish drive by shooting...
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What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground Beef
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if it wasnt for your atrocious spelling, they might be funny
:)
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Why do you call a big ant?
GIANT!!
:laughing:
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Jimmy Hill and a horse walk into a bar.
The landlord says " Why the long faces"?
An English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar.
The Landlord says "Is this a joke".
Q. What has three legs and lives in the country?
A. Paul Macartny and his wife.
(delete the last one if you are offended, I fon\'t mind
Have you heard the one about the 12 inch pianist?
I thought so.
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what do you call 4 walls, and a floor? A Pool!
:hat:ScottyJ:hat:
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i still like my old knock knock joke
knock knock
who\'s there?
the incredible interupting cow
the indreddible inter - MOOO!!!
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Originally posted by theomen
i still like my old knock knock joke
knock knock
who\'s there?
the incredible interupting cow
the indreddible inter - MOOO!!!
???????????????????
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carefull lucka, you might hurt my feelings
:(
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
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Originally posted by Jaye_Bennington
???????????????????
you as the cow, interupt them....it\'s better when you can hear it.
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Originally posted by luckee
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.
Personally, having a cousin who had the shit kicked out of her really badly by her boyfriend last week, I don\'t find that particularly funny. But having cracked a joke about Mcarthys missus, the phrase "kettle calling the pot black" springs to mind.
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what does it mean if a woman has a black eye? She Don\'t Listen!
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A zebra and a giraffe get drunk at a southern bar and the giraffe passes out on the counter. The redneck bartender yells at the zebra, "Hey son, you can\'t leave that lyin\' around here like that!". Then the zebra yells back, "It\'s not a lion, it\'s a giraffe."
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when are you not (enter nationality here)?
where yer a pee\'n (european)
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An irishman walks out of a bar......
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why do ducks have big feet?
to put out forest fires
why do elephants have big feet?
to put out flaming ducks
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these arent that stupid but i was looking thru ilovebacon.com and came across them
http://www.ilovebacon.com/052702/c.shtml
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Person 1: Someone called you an owl.....
Person 2: WHO?
:laughing:
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here is one I heard off a movie:
A Mother tomato, a father Tomato and a Baby tomato go walking down a street.........the baby tomato gets squashed......the father tomato says catchup (get it)!
:hat:ScottyJ:hat:
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:laughing: Ahh, Serrano.. good ones :)
Originally posted by theomen
i still like my old knock knock joke
knock knock
who\'s there?
the incredible interupting cow
the indreddible inter - MOOO!!!
Your old knock knock joke? That\'s been around since I was in the 2nd grade. :) Most likely early :)
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some of these are quite funny, some are just.. ermmmmmmm..... sad
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knock knock...
whos there....
Amy Fischer....
Amy Fischer wh...BANG!
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why did jesus cross the road?
he was nailed to the chicken
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That pirate one\'s awesome.
Too bad I\'m unfunny, or I\'d share my jokes with yall.
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[spoiler=how do you make a hormone?]Don\'t pay her[/spoiler]
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Q. What does Yoko Ono have in common with an Ethiopian?
A. They both live off dead beetles.
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Most of these are stupid, but that is what makes them funny.
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Originally posted by theomen
[spoiler=how do you make a hormone?]Don\'t pay her[/spoiler]
[spoiler=i know it]u learn how to use the spoiler tag[/spoiler]
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^
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:laughing:
Anyways.. more from me...
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Where\'s my tractor?!?!?!
:laughing::laughing::laughing:
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A few Manchester United jokes.
(sorry, I couldn\'t resist).
Man walking his three-legged dog on Platt Fields finds a lamp which he picks up and removes the cork. Out pops a genie.
Genie: Thank you for releasing me from the lamp, O Master. I have the power to grant you one wish - anything you desire.
Man: Can you make my dog win Crufts?
Genie: What, with only three legs? Wish again!
Man: OK, can you arrange for Man Utd to win the Champions league?
Genie: Let\'s have a look at that dog again.
Q: How many Man. Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 540,001. That\'s one to change it, 40,000 to say they\'ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit! In fact, it could be argued 540,002, as someone will have to compare the light bulb to George Best.
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A visual joke.
(hope it works)
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:laughing: @ the MU picture!
Some of these jokes are truely great...
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I horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
Friend 1 "You must be the orignal Donwan."
Friend 2 "Why\'s that?"
Friend 1 "Because women Donwan anything to do with ya."
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Originally posted by Jaye_Bennington
A visual joke.
(hope it works)
fat guy from simpsons..... funniest joke... ever!!!!!
man that is one funny joke, its funny cos its true
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[spoiler=How do you make a maltese cross?]poke his eyes out![/spoiler]
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(https://psx5central.com/community/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.humorweb.net%2Fpictures%2F0850.jpg&hash=9bcc4447ebedeae42782b118827277f48fd11422)
:laughing:
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Hey Jaye, I\'ve heard that before. That\'s an old joke.. the version I heard went like...
One day Bill Clinton is walking down the beach at his summer home and stumbles upon a lamp that washed up on the beach. Being the money whore he is, he decided to polish up the lamp and see if it was worth anything. As he polished it, pink smoke erupted from the spout and lo and behold a genie poped out.
"Oh master, a thousand thankyous for releasing me from that lamp. In return, I will grant you any wish your heart desires."
Now, being wanted to be remembered for doing SOMETHING good durring his time in office, Bill pulled out a map of the middle east. "See this map," Bill said "I want you to stop the fighting in all of these countrys. Let them live in peace and harmony with each other and promote ideas of freedom and equality."
"Master", the genie said. "Those countries have been fighting for thousands upon thousands of years.. and their society are so ingrained with brutality and opression that it\'s an impossible task. These are wishes, not miracles. I am sorry, please, wish again."
So Bill thought about it for a few minuties and finally decided on what he wanted. "Genie, do you know my wife Hillary? Well.. I\'ve been thinking.. and I want you to make her into a beautiful and obediant housewife. Someone who dotes on my words, never talks back, and always has dinner prepared when I come home from the oval office. She should be seductive and alluring, and able to give the most mindblowing sex in the world."
"The genie thought for a moment, and frouned.. finally saying, "Lemmie take a look at that goddamned map again."