PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: luckee on January 09, 2003, 04:30:54 PM
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If you dont like em...get lost
If they ofend you...tough shit
What did God say when another black baby was born?
Shit! I burnt another one.
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Some of you may not understand this on. You foot ball fans will.
What do an Alabama fan and a maggot have in common?
They both think that they can live off a dead "Bear" for 20 years.
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why shouldn\'t you eat pu$$y first thing in the morning?
Have you ever tried peeling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?
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Why do you never hit a mexican on a bike with your car?
Because it might be your bike!
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what\'s the difference between clint eastwood and a ******?
Clint Eastwood will make your day, a ****** will make your hole weak.
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Did you hear the one about the Italian-made car tires?
Dago in da dry, dago inda wet, and when dago flat, dago WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP
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How many Jews can you fit in a car?
2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 600,000 in the ashtray
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what\'s the difference between a priest and a zit?
A zit waits until you\'re a teenager to come on your face.
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How do you blind an Asian?
Put a steering wheel in front of him
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what do you tell a bitch with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice!
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Why aren\'t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they\'re not going to work in the future, either.
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what do you call a black without arms and legs?
trustworthy
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An American, a Russian, and a Mexican were out camping. The American has his Jack Daniels the Russian has his vodka and the Mexican has his tequila. The Russian takes a drink of vodka throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. The Mexican says, "What did you do that for?" The Russian says, "In Russia we have lots of vodka." The Mexican takes a drink of his tequila throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. The American says, "man what did you do that for?" The Mexican says, "In Mexico we have lots of tequila." The American takes a drink of his Jack Daniels throws the bottle up in the air and shoots the Mexican. The Russian looks at him and says, "Man, what the hell did you do that for?" The American says, "Oh hell, man, in America we have lots of Mexicans."
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Why does Mexico suck at the Olympics?
Because every Mexican that can run, jump, or swim are all over here
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What\'s the smartest thing to ever come out of a womans mouth?
Einstein\'s cock.
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how did the canadian break his neck getting a drink of water?
the toilet seat fell down on him, eh.
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So, a German guy applies for a railroad-building job. "You’re hired," the manager says. Then an Irish guy applies for a railroad-building job. ”You’re hired," the manager says. Then a Chinese guy applies for a railroad-building job. "Well I already have a lot of workers...I guess one more wouldn\'t hurt. You will be in charge of the supplies." The first day of work goes by, and the manager checks on the status. The new German guy he hired was working well, the Irish guy he hired was also doing well. But, wherever he looked, he couldn’t find the Chinese guy! So he looked around everywhere! Then, as he walked around a dark corner, the Chinese guy jumped out and screamed, "SUPLIES!!!!!!!!!"
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Why don\'t Chinese play hockey?
Because if they got thrown into the corner they\'d make a store.
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Two polish guys are discussing one\'s upcoming wedding..."I\'m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." His buddy replies, "Oh, there\'s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says \'Those are the funniest balls I\'ve ever seen!\' you hit her with the shovel!"
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Whats the best thing about getting a handjob from a little girl?
Your cock looks ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE in their tiny hands.
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What\'s the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. The other\'s a plastic bag.
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Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
A: Getting it out of the tires.
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Q: What\'s red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that\'s been playing with a chainsaw
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Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion!
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Q: What\'s more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off
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Q : Whats the worst thing a blind, deaf baby can get for Christmas ?
A : Cancer
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Q: What is 18" long, cold and stiff, and makes a woman scream in the morning?
A: Crib death.
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A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense
12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.
Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ....
SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall.... Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ??????
The Nurse chuckles a little to herself \'April Fools\', she says...
He was ALREADY DEAD !!!!!!!!!!
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Q: How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, white men will screw anything
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A southern girl goes into her doctor for a check-up, complaining about "hormonal" problems. The doctor prescribes testosterone for her and tells her to come back in four weeks. She returns a month later and he asks her if there are any side-effects from the testosterone treatments. "Yes, I\'m growning hair in new places," she replies. "Where?" asks the doctor. "Oh, like on my balls...."
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Q: What does a Red Neck say right before he dies?
A: Hey!, Ya\'ll Watch This!!
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Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.
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Q: What is a redneck virgin?
A: A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers
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Q:How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl?
A:Throw them a basket ball.
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Germany is once again trying to take over Poland, and the Polacks are having a big problem with this. The Germans decided to work out a deal with the Polacks. The smartest guy from Germany and the smartest guy from Poland will meet in the main square of Warsaw. There will be an impartial judge who will ask both of them questions and whoever gets more right wins. The Polacks agree to this, and when the big day arrives everybody in Poland gathers to watch this event. The judge asks the first question. "Poland, you go first. What is 2 + 2?" The guy from Poland looks at the judge and says, "4". The Polish crowd becomes outraged and starts yelling "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
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why does auburn university have natural grass on their field?
so their cheerleaders can graze at halftime.
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why dont vanderbilt football players get mad when tenessee beats them year after year?
because they know that someday the UT players will be working for them.
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how does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
opens the car door.
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What\'s the best thing about AIDS?
It turns fruits into vegetables
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guy says "I wish that me and all my Mexican brothers were back in Mexico happy and free to live how we live".
The genie claps his hands, it is done.
The African American guy says "I wish that me and all my African American brothers would return to our motherland and be happy and free".
The genie claps his hands, it is done.
He turns to the white guy who is sitting there looking confused and says "what about your wish".
The white guy says "so, you mean to tell me all the niggers and spics are out of America?"
"Yes"
"Then, ummm, I guess I\'ll have a coke then".
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A rich white man in Georgia decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only black guy in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ.
At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10 foot
man-eating gator in my pool and I\'ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of shit like head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish.
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally the host says,
"Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."
"No, that\'s okay. I don\'t want it.", said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don\'t want it.", answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said "no!"
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the mutha****a who pushed me in the pool!"
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how was copper wire invented?
-two jews fighting over a penny
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why do chicks have tits?
-to keep the water from splashing in their face when they wash the dishes
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What do you call two chinese, a mexican, and four black people standing in a row?
A Sprinkler . Chink chink... spic... nigga nigga nigga nigga
(you have to know how a sprinkler sounds to understand this)
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theres a mexican guy and a black guy in a car, whos driving?
the cop!
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what do you call four white guys in a white mercedes? white power
what do you call four black guys in a black mercedes? black power
what do you call four mexican guys in a brown mercedes? grand theft auto
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what do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
pregnant
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A pregnant Redneck woman is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma\'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your Uncle from West Virginia came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle... he\'s an idiot!"
She asks the doctor,"Well, what\'s the girl\'s name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that\'s not a bad name, I like it! What\'s the boy\'s name?"
"Denephew."
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why do spics drive low riders?
so they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time
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how do you know adam and eve weren\'t black?
ever try and steal a rib from a black man?
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How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
Tell them its a raft.
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ahh crap.. got bored after the first set of em...
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Q. Whats the worst part about eatin a blad pu$$y?
A. Puttin the daiper back on after you done
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What\'s small, brown, and often found in young children\'s pants?
Michael Jackson\'s hand
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A teenage girl goes up to her father and begs to borrow the car for the night.
" I dunno what are you going to do for me " he says.
" Ill do anything please daddy" the girl replies.
"You have to give me a blowjob then" the dad decides
So as the girl is slobin his knob she stops for a second and says " gee daddy you dick taste like shit"
he looks down and says
"Oh yeah i forgot your brother already borrowed the car"
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What\'s black and blue and hates sex?
The bitch in my trunk.
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There was this short little chinese man that goes into the bar one day. he sits down on a stool by the bar and orders a drink. There is this big white guy besode him. he look at the little chinese man and chops him in the neck, making the little guy fall on the floor.
the big white guy says "That was a karate chop from korea"
As the little chinese guy starts to stand up, the big white guy kicks him in the ribs.
the big white guy says, "that was a karate kick from Japan."
the little chinese guy stands yup, wipes the dirt from his clothing, and walks out of the bar. the big white guy is proud that he proved himself. he started to drink his drink and mind his own business. About five minutes later, "BAM!" Next thing you know, the big white guy is unconscious on the floor.
the bartender\'s attention is caught and he tries to assess the situation.
there\'s the little chinese guy again. "when that fat ****er wakes up, tell him that that was a tire iron from Target."
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What\'s the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
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Kathy went to Nancy\'s place to tell her about a horrible
experience she had the previous night with this guy she
took home. "Well, what happened when you got there?"
asked Nancy.
"After we had sex, the son of a bitch called me a slut!"
Somewhat shocked, Nancy asked, "What did you do then?"
"I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom, and to take
his eight friends with him!"
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There\'s so many, I couldn\'t read all ofthem. From the ones I did read, they were quality.
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Can\'t post so many at once! Just stick a new one at the end of each of your posts in other topics :)
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Kathy went to Nancy\'s place to tell her about a horrible
experience she had the previous night with this guy she
took home. "Well, what happened when you got there?"
asked Nancy.
"After we had sex, the son of a bitch called me a slut!"
Somewhat shocked, Nancy asked, "What did you do then?"
"I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom, and to take
his eight friends with him!"
Awesome... Haha, alot were funny. Mainly the mexican ones.
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Originally posted by luckee
what do you call four white guys in a white mercedes? white power
what do you call four black guys in a black mercedes? black power
what do you call four mexican guys in a brown mercedes? grand theft auto
Absolutely hilarious! The Mexican ones ruled.
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Originally posted by luckee
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Q: What is 18" long, cold and stiff, and makes a woman scream in the morning?
A: Crib death.
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Far from funny.
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Two polish guys are discussing one\'s upcoming wedding..."I\'m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." His buddy replies, "Oh, there\'s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says \'Those are the funniest balls I\'ve ever seen!\' you hit her with the shovel!"
-----Me likey-----
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Originally posted by Heat
Far from funny.
Very funny. Dead baby jookes are great ice breakers.
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Originally posted by luckee
Dead baby jokes are great ice breakers.
man, i bet i can live another 90 years and never hear or read that phrase again.
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Init. Wouldn\'t break the ice with me.
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Here\'s another dead baby joke (I think Vid posted it before)
What\'s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls, and a truck full of dead babies?
You can\'t unload the bowling balls witha pitch fork.
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now for some jesus jokes;
What were Jeusu\'s last words?
Ouch, ouch ouch
What did the Roman soldier tell jesus?
Can you cross your legs, we only have three stakes.
Why did jesus cross the road?
He was nailed to the chicken
what did jesus say while on the cross?
this is a hell of a way to spend easter.
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:laughing:
These a funny!
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Originally posted by theomen
Here\'s another dead baby joke (I think Vid posted it before)
What\'s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls, and a truck full of dead babies?
You can\'t unload the bowling balls witha pitch fork.
God, I remember writing that joke. I will burn in hell.....
:(
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Good.Vid has finally grown up.Hooray!!
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These are pretty good.
Not sure if this has been posted before
A Cuban, American and a Colombian are in a raft in the middle of the ocean. They begin to sink. They begin to throw things out to make them float. The Colombian throws out the drugs and says \'we have too many of these in our country\'. The Cuban throws out the cigars and says \'we have too many of these in our country\'. The American throws out the Cuban and says \'we have too many of these in our country\'.
Gay joke which all of you probably heard.
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cool jokes.I am probably saving this thread
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There\'s a boy, he\'s father and mother. They are camping out in the bush. The man and boy wonder off to go for a walk.
In their walk they come across 2 tigers doing it. The boy turns to he\'s father to ask, "Dad, what are they doing?" the father replies, "making a sandwich son,” They continue on to find 2 lions doing it. The son asks the father "dad, what are they doing" the father replies "making a sandwich son” Again they carry on with there walk to come across 2 elephants having fun. "Dad, dad" the boy says as he\'s pointing towards the elephants "what are they doing?” the father answers again. "Making a sandwich son”
So they go back there camp site and go to sleep for the night. During the night the boy wakes up to strange noises... He walks in he\'s mom and dad\'s tent catching them in the act. The boy freezes for a second then simply says. "Don’t worry dad, i know your making a sandwich. I can see the mayonnaise running down mum’s leg.
I did this one of the top of my head.. If it\'s wrong.. KISS MY ARSE. :)
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Well....its ookeeyyyyyyy
:p
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When things go bad, as they sometimes will
And your heavy load seems all up hill
When moneys low and bills are high
When you try to smile but you only cry
And you know you feel like you’d like to quit
Don’t run to me I don’t give a shit!
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Employ Training
In order to assure the highest levels of work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you need.
Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T).
Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do anymore S.H.I.T , as they are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who have completed B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T)
If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T)
Thank you,
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Keep them comming.
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I was having a bad day until i read this thread...
For a splended little twist, a clever comeback my english teacher told me: Putting your brain on the edge of a razor blade is the scale equivilant of a BB rolling down a 4 lane highway.
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Originally posted by §ôµÏG®ïñD
Employ Training
In order to assure the highest levels of work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you need.
Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T).
Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do anymore S.H.I.T , as they are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who have completed B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T)
If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T)
Thank you,
I particularly like this one A LOT!!