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Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: GmanJoe on March 25, 2003, 12:25:33 PM

Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: GmanJoe on March 25, 2003, 12:25:33 PM: Thought the cat lovers would find this cute and funnay. I may not like cats but I\'d never harm one intentionally.

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EXCERPTS FROM A CAT\'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: (e) on March 25, 2003, 12:38:09 PM: :laughing:

Good read.

My favorite line was the first
Quote
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects
Really gives a sense of the torture ;)
Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: Living-In-Clip on March 25, 2003, 02:18:32 PM: hahaha
Water Torture?
Oh my god, this is the funniest stuff in along time!
Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: Kurt Angle on March 25, 2003, 02:23:02 PM: Quote
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

Then I suppose they zip their pants back up again.:D
Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: Titan on March 25, 2003, 02:54:50 PM: I will never look at my cat the same way again.
Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: Silent D on March 25, 2003, 05:50:19 PM: Muhaha, sufffer, evil cat of allergies!!!
Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: guar on March 26, 2003, 12:26:28 PM: Totally funny
Title: You all know how much I hate cats.
Post by: politiepet on March 26, 2003, 12:33:13 PM: Quote
Originally posted by Kurt Angle

Then I suppose they zip their pants back up again.:D

EEEWW!! that\'s gross man, ......kinda funny though :eek: