PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: luckee on April 16, 2003, 10:55:55 AM
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Here is an email I thought I would share.....
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn\'t say a
word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow
as
best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came
back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas
cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at
the
photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had
captured
my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld (go figure)
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women\'s type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him
and said, "I think I like playing with men\'s balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I\'m just looking at your
nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that
if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don\'t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy\'s pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were
screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up
to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine
her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out
for
all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER
SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like
tone, a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It
was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and
she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept
thinking,
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don\'t have any clothes
with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn\'t have an accident?"
"No,"
he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell
was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down
his
pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT\'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing!
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better by thanking me for the best laugh they\'d ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before
she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don\'t get any....a true
story...We
had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed
and didn\'t, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where\'s that 8
inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the
set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
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got bored after the first few.
funny stuff thou. :)
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some were pretty good, others just got a chuckle out of me.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that
if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don\'t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy\'s pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were
screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
i cant even count the number of times that i\'ve read/heard this, still kinda funny tho.
:)
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You can always count on kids to humiliate an embarass people in public.
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so Bob, where\'s that 8 inches you promised me last night?
that is hilarious!
I made a couple of faux pax\'s this weekend in Reno, with the drink girls, luckily they found me so sexy that I didn\'t feel imberrased
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They were ok.... Nothing special though.
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:laughing:
I thought they were good stuff.
Thanks luckee; my favorite;
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that
if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don\'t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw yo
kissing Daddy\'s pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were
screams of laughter.
:laughing:
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Originally posted by luckee
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women\'s type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him
and said, "I think I like playing with men\'s balls."
Vapor Snake, 16, Las Vegas, NV
:eek: :laughing:
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I knew Vapor enjoyed playing with mens balls. Nothing new :p
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Lol, funny stuff. :D
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heres mine:
when I was about 15 i was working for a fast food place in a questionable part of town at the time my mom was married lets sat to a much younger man who had a 4 year old daughter I was babysiting one night and took her with me to pick up a paycheck we were sitting and the little barlike counter when two black men came in (probably gangstas) she looked over at me and said in a very loud voice "Those are niggers arent they!" OH MY GOD I was soo embaresed I am by no mean a racist and wouldnt even ever use that word and they both looked at me like I was here dad.... Im pretty sure if the lobby wasnt full of people I wouldnt be typing this today...
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True story.Me and my g/f stopped at the gas station to get a plug put in a tire that had a slow leak.My g/f walks right in,looks the guy right in the face and says "Can you help me?I\'ve got a hole I need filled."
Me,another patron and the dude behind the counter just busted up laughing while she immidiatlly turned around and walked out.She was pretty mad at me since "you were laughing at me the most". :-)
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I guess I should contribute ;
I was visiting my stepdad in Montana last summer and me and my little brother were at the local Dairy Queen getting some icecream. He is about 11 years old. In walk these mexican people and he yells something about dirty mexicans. :laughing: I have nothing against them. They look at us and start talking, and look at him and he says "Call the border patrol". :laughing: My brother needs to watch his mouth. He carries it off alot. I apologized to them and they accepted and laughed even.
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Originally posted by Cyrus
heres mine:
when I was about 15 i was working for a fast food place in a questionable part of town at the time my mom was married lets sat to a much younger man who had a 4 year old daughter I was babysiting one night and took her with me to pick up a paycheck we were sitting and the little barlike counter when two black men came in (probably gangstas) she looked over at me and said in a very loud voice "Those are niggers arent they!" OH MY GOD I was soo embaresed I am by no mean a racist and wouldnt even ever use that word and they both looked at me like I was here dad.... Im pretty sure if the lobby wasnt full of people I wouldnt be typing this today...
There is this thing called a period. You might want to use that at the end of each sentence.
Mine: I was in the hallway one day with my friends. My old french teacher (who got fired thank god) walked by. My friend gave her the finger. I noticed, laughed, and said "tell me next time she walks by so I could finger her" (meaning to flick her off). They knew what I meant but it definitely sounded wrong and they laughed so much. I flicked her off the next time she walked by and didn\'t make the same mistake again, lol. Theres plenty more and I\'ll post them when I remember.
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I just remembered another one. It was right after a lacrosse game. We just got off the field and moving to our equipment off and stuff. We were right behind this really hot girl and her boyfriend. My friend says "I will pay you five bucks to poke her in the ass" pretty loud. We were pretty close to her. She turns around and so does her boyfriend and they were like "what?". We laughed about it for a couple days. The next day, we were at the table and he said something like "are you talking about the ugly girls behind me?" loud. He\'s a weird kid but he\'s funny.
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OffTopic: Do you speak french fluently?
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When I was on a youth basketball league... I was playing a good game and are team was down by about 6, and after hitting my third consecutive jumper, the coach pulls me out. I sit on the bench, and throw my towel at my feet. Guy next to me goes,
"Why are you mad?"
I say, "Coach is a fat stupid dumb@$$"
Him, "......"
I continue, "Ugh, I hate that fat, bald-headed f***."
Him, "Dude, shut the f*** up, thats my dad."
Me, "Seriously?"
Him, "Yeah!"
Me = Kicked off team next day
I seriously didn\'t know it was his dad, they didn\'t seem like it for the whole week of practice or anything. It was a total shock. But oh well.
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last nght i was up the pub, with 2 mates at first. emma and sam...
emma was calling me richard, though my real name is ricky....
sam "why you call him richard??"
emma " dunno, just like to call him that. or dick.... i like dick best"
then we all laughed, but emma didnt relise at first what she had said at first
not as funny as some of the others, but made me laugh last night
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Originally posted by Spudz
OffTopic: Do you speak french fluently?
Heh, no. I speak it very badly the words Iknow. But hey, the only french words I need to know are Je ne comprend pas. :)
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Heh, no. I speak it very badly the words Iknow. But hey, the only french words I need to know are Je ne comprend pas.
I speak it decently. I have been taking french for 3 years now. Its a beautiful language.
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I\'ve been taking it for 3 years too (4 counting the two in middle school) and I still don\'t know shit :)