PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: videoholic on October 21, 2003, 11:00:21 AM
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http://www.umich.edu/~uac/threeweeks/story1313.html?fpvol=5&fpiss=2&vol=5&iss=2&sto=13
8 Things You Should Try in Bed with Your Man, Jane Bettleton of Cleveland, Ohio
So you are wondering to yourself: What can I do to improve my sex life? The answer might not be as obvious as you assume (sleep with other guys). As much as that seems like the answer, you\'ve already tried it...a lot. You\'ve also tried bringing new, kinky sex toys to bed--mostly while I\'m sleeping on my stomach and have to be at work at 5 A.M., you twisted ****. And has any of it worked? Certainly not for me. Here are a few tips to help spice up your love life, Jane.
1. DON\'T **** OTHER GUYS - I know, I know, this idea should be self-evident, but apparently you need to be told, you dirty whore.
2. PAY ATTENTION - As much as looking at the picture of your ex-boyfriend as we have sex might help the experience for you, it doesn\'t do much for me. The mood is further ruined when he shows up with a box of Junior Mints and a recorded laugh track.
3. MOANING - Everyone is accustomed to, at one time or another, having a girlfriend yell out another guy\'s name, but yelling out the names of fifteen other guys in the five minutes of sweet, sweet lovin\' I give you is just excessive. Especially when you include comparative measurements.
4. NAMES - I hear a lot of people have fun nicknames for their sex organs, but naming mine Limpy McLimptinshortystein is counter productive. Insult me all you like, but just leave me with the illusion that my penis is a mighty and powerful weapon to be wielded with great respect and smooth, gentle hands. Think Excalibur or He-man\'s Sword of Power. Saluting it wouldn\'t hurt either.
5. FRAGILE - In the beginning, there were Adam and Eve, and it was good. Then Eve kneeled on Adam\'s balls and he flat out killed the bitch and got God to give him a ho less likely to crush his man junk.
6. RESPECT - Leaving video tapes entitled "**** you asshole" with hours and hours of footage of you sleeping with my friends and family at the same time hurts me and gives me the impression you don\'t care, as I am not the one getting ****ed in the videos.
7. CRIMINAL CHARGES - As much as we both got a laugh out of it, charging me with rape for consensual sex isn\'t as much of a gag when they send me to prison for fifteen years to encounter less fictional circumstances.
8. CHECK I.D. - Look, I understand that when you\'re as much of a lush as you are, a random guy on the floor of a club bathroom might look like me, but more than likely, its not. A good way to be sure would be to check his I.D. before ****ing him and then his friend who also looked like me. This way we could avoid getting herpes--again.
If you give some of these ideas a try, you could really turn your love life around, Jane. And you never know, if I\'m confident, you might get a whole extra minute out of Limpy McLimptinshortystein.
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ok was this written by jane or addressed to her
im guessing addressed to her and in which case - im wondering who she is
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Its by her.
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So her husband slept with other guys?
so he was..... gay? :O
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Your all retarded.
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You\'re...
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(https://psx5central.com/community/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.victoriaspecialolympics.com%2FThumbs%2520up.jpg&hash=0340290a7def16b4ce8c07e99e7addc3cf47ce4e)
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7. CRIMINAL CHARGES - As much as we both got a laugh out of it, charging me with rape for consensual sex isn\'t as much of a gag when they send me to prison for fifteen years to encounter less fictional circumstances.
someone email this to Koba, he\'ll get a kick out of it
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Spudz, your one sick mo fo. That guy you posted a pic of looks like he has Downs Syndrome.
You make me sick.
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Oh come on, Racer. It\'s not as though the retarded kid KNOWS we\'re making fun of him.
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I still think its sick to mock the mentally retarded, unless of course your Spudz.
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that pic has been posted like what? 20 times?
and now all of a sudden you have a problem with it? seems to me you have a problem with spudz, and not so much the picture
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Meh... retards rule.
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polite, never seen the pic before. yeah, i do have a problem with Spudz, he\'s a total ass looking for attention.
IMO i think its disgusting to make fun of someone with a mental problem like Downs Syndrome, sorry, thats just the way I feel.
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Well its the way you feel.
And I post that picture alot. Look around youll be bound to see me post it.
I love it ;)
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Racer:
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there\'s a bunch of retarded people at my gym that try to bite people, they suck
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There is a retarded girl in my neighborhood who hides behind parked cars and bushes and jumps out and roars at cars driving past. She gets really loud doing it sometimes... some nights it pisses me off.
I swear one day she\'s gonna jump out into the road a bit to far and get hit.
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There\'s this retarded girl I sleep with.
Har... man that\'s wrong.
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she\'d have to be retarded
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Originally posted by theomen
there\'s a bunch of retarded people at my gym that try to bite people, they suck
What are they at the gym for???? Working out for the ladies??
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Originally posted by theomen
she\'d have to be retarded
:laughing:
Poor GayDi. :)
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A wise man once said becarefull who you mock someday your child may be the same way.
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Your saying my future kid is retarded?
:laughing: How about ......... no.
she\'d have to be retarded
theomen you are god.
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Originally posted by Spudz
Your saying my future kid is retarded?
:laughing: How about ......... no.
How the hell would you know?.. o.. i guess you are psychic now...
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No, God parted the clouds and told me.
:rolleyes:
It be called sarcasm.
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I got kicked in the nuts quite a few times, so I\'m pretty sure half my sperm are retarded.
and I have no idea why the tards are at my gym. they come in with 3 handlers, they jump around on the equipment, scare the members \'cause they\'re basically wild animals, and leave after about an hour.