PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Black Samurai on January 26, 2004, 04:11:21 PM
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ESCAPEE Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receivewhen passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom
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Man, I hate poopin\' at work.
I do alot of those out of instinct.
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No bathroom better than your own...
Use other\'s bathroom for dumps only IN CASE OF EMERGENCY!
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I\'ve seen this a hundred times but it\'s funny each time. Heh, I\'m not much of a public pooper but I\'m a fan of astaires and camo-coughs. I\'m afraid of escapees and the dreaded turd burglar. It never happens, though.
I make sure to stock up on lots of astaires, that\'s why. Preparation is very important.
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I\'ve dumped once at a theater and once at school because I was on the verge of exploding in my pants. Those are the only exceptions, normally I never do it in public.
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Safe havens are what I\'m all about.
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I\'ve only pooped in another toilet that isn\'t my house\'s once. That was a HUGE emergency, other than that the "feelings" goes away just thinking about pooping somewhere else. When I\'m at my girls house and I feel the need..."Hey, it\'s kind of late so I\'m gonna go..."
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Originally posted by Bozco
Safe havens are what I\'m all about.
Same here.
Use the supervisors bathroom. Stays clean.
:D
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I poop when I need to... Doesn\'t matter where. :p
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I love safe havens. In college you can always find a floor with a huge bathroom which no one will visit for days. Same goes for office buildings.
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:laughing: ROFLMAO ! What a funny read. I remember this day back in highschool (seems a century ago) when I was feeling sick.
I had stomach ache all morning and it didn\'t go away during class lessons. So, I went to the toilet during a lesson and did a dump.
Man, the dump was HUGE ! it looked like one big pyramid. Then I saw why I was actually feeling sick. The stuff didn\'t look usual color, y\'know. It was almost pitch black ; not a good health sign.
Anyway, that big mountain of crap in the toilet just stayed there. The twisted sick mind I am ; i just left it reeking there, did NOT flush the toilet. Fortunately i felt a bit better after all that.
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haha, so funny, i hate turd burgulars, esp when the lock is broken, and you have to go, you have to sit on the stool, an have one arm out, incase someone tries to come in
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Originally posted by kopking
i hate turd burgulars,
That\'s not what Racer told me.
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ha, yeah he might like em, i do not
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I hate taking a dump anywhere but home, always feel like I\'m cheating on my toilet.
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HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
that would never happen to me, I always make sure I fill the pot with paper before making my pile, this is also helpfull to prevent toiletwater from splashing on your anus :eek:
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I crap in the comfort of my own throne. I never or seldom crap in public.
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I would have to have serious stomach cramps to take a turd at work.