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Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: mjps21983 on July 30, 2004, 01:26:43 PM
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Hello. My name is John Kerry and I\'m running for President, I think. Please consider my qualifications as set forth in the following resume.
Resume of JOHN F. KERRY
RESIDENCE:
Seven mansions, including Washington DC, Worth multimillion.
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard or graduate with an MBA.
Military:
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam. I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam Vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers.
I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans against the War: The New Soldier" shows how I truly feel about the military.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. As the voters in Massachusetts can attest, in my 32 years, not a single piece of legislation bears my name.
I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS US SENATOR:
I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton.
I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our country\'s ability to defend itself.
Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it.
I voted in favor of every liberal piece of legislation.
I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I make no or little charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $700 million.
I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my career as a US Senator.
I ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha\'s Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yacht.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None.
PERSONAL
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up.
I ride a Serotta bicycle ($6500).
My Gulfstream V Jet I call "The Flying Squirrel."
I named my $850,000 42 foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche.
I don\'t own any SUVs but my family does, including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for the energy problems.
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and you had better listen to it as it reflects our real culture.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
Funny Shit figured Ace and Giga would like this.
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Funny stuff!
The Flying Squirrel is hilarious. :)
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I read halfway through this and then stopped because I was sufficating in this mass of pure bullshit.
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Originally posted by GigaShadow
Funny stuff!
The Flying Squirrel is hilarious. :)
What about this post was funny?
You are seriously blinded by partisan politics if you find tripe like this amusing.
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It is pretty funny to read something like this about a presidential candidate on either side.
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Its interesting how he tries to play up the "every man" when he is richer than Bush.
It just goes to show you how f*cked the system as a whole is. People are actually fighting over which uber-rich pompous douchebag is better for the country.
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Originally posted by Black Samurai
What about this post was funny?
You are seriously blinded by partisan politics if you find tripe like this amusing.
Get a sense of humor. You really need to lighten up. :rolleyes: Political humor, nothing more, nothing less.
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I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education...
Huh???
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Political humor is always so... pale/bland, we.
Yale. Heh. I dont remember how old the two are but it would be funny to see them in my father\'s class (though i think he graduated before they were students there). Im sure he would make a better president than both :P.
Meh. Glad i dont have to go there.
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I would hate to go to Yale. I want to really enjoy my college life and not study every waking moment.
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It\'s funny, in that entire thing, I\'m not sure there is a single thing Kerry is criticized for that Bush couldn\'t be criticized for in a similar fashion.
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Then make a Bush resume for Presidency :)
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I am sure one is floating around the internet. :)
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I\'d like both posted.
Cause personally, I hate both of em :)
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I don\'t hate Bush, I don\'t agree with him 100%, but I really hate Kerry, he\'s from Boston ugh. And the man is uglier than a bald monkey ass.
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Good reasons to hate someone!
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Originally posted by Deadly Hamster
Good reasons to hate someone!
you beat me to it! :p
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Originally posted by mjps21983
I don\'t hate Bush, I don\'t agree with him 100%, but I really hate Kerry, he\'s from Boston ugh. And the man is uglier than a bald monkey ass.
Same here. I\'m more moderate, but lean more toward the right. I mostly disagree with his stance on gay marriage, stem cell research and one other thing that just slipped my mind. Other than that, I agree with him.
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People from Boston irritate the hell out of me sorry, can\'t vote for someone I don\'t like.
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Why do I have this odd feeling you hate people from boston because of baseball...
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A little and then just in general I don\'t care for them. Baseball or not.
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Originally posted by mjps21983
People from Boston irritate the hell out of me sorry, can\'t vote for someone I don\'t like.
(https://psx5central.com/community/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.krazylarry.com%2Fportfolio%2Fimages%2Fyankees.gif&hash=34f8cbf49c85586eee9df1efb76af46d8ae002b6)
Boston says hello.
:D :D :D
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Now thats just bullshit.
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http://www.politicalhell.com/bush-resume.htm
RESUME
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport,
Maine in 1976 for driving under the influence of
alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my
driver\'s license suspended for 30 days. My Texas
driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and
went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any
questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air
National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in
Vietnam.
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University. I was a
cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland,
Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn\'t
find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt
shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends
in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I
was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the
Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the
most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the
tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any
Governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida,
and my father\'s appointments to the Supreme Court, I
became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing
cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted
the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the U.S. stock market.
I am the first president in U.S. history to enter
office with a criminal record.
I set the the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any one year period.
After taking-off the entire month of August, I
presided over the worst security failure in
U.S.history.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical
Bunker Buster," a WMD.
In my State Of The Union Address, I lied about our
reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on
our British friends.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips
by a U.S. president.
In my first year in office over 2-million Americans
lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a
12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration
than any president in U.S. history.
I set the record for least amount of press conferences
than any president since the advent of television.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
history and refused to intervene when corruption
involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops
and their families-in war time.
I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public
venues (15 million people) shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of mankind.
I\'ve broken more international treaties than any
president in U.S. history.
I\'m proud that the members of my cabinet are the
richest of any administration in U.S. history. My
"poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her.
I am the first president in U.S. history to order an
unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military
occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the
will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the
largest bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government .
I am the first president in U.S. history to have the
United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights
Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners
of war" detainees) and thereby have refused to abide
by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first president in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S.
election).
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of
my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the
largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history. My
political party used the Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S.
Supreme Court during my election decision. I have
protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and money was
spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than
has been spent investigating one of the biggest
corporate ripoffs in history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the
World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later
made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the
largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I am first president in history to have a majority of
Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and security.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded government contracts.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring
Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now
in my father\'s library, sealed, and unavailable for
public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy
policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public review.
Please consider my experience when voting in 2004 -
Send this to every voter you know.
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Who made that resume, Michael Moore?
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I enjoyed the Kerry more. It\'s silly and fun, while the Bush man doesn\'t appear to be attempting comedy and just states facts. :p
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Originally posted by Jumpman
I enjoyed the Kerry more. It\'s silly and fun, while the Bush man doesn\'t appear to be attempting comedy and just states facts. :p
Its the best way to go my friend. Makes it even more sad :p
Originally posted by ViVi
Who made that resume, Michael Moore?
Your mom did ;)
j/k ;)
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I guess if you enjoy childish humor, than it is funny. Otherwise it\'s trash and should be put where the trash goes...in the garbage.
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Jeez...if the Bush one is all facts, well, I\'m a little scared, now.
See Yuz.
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Someone posts it on an internet forum so hot damn it must be true! ;)
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Exactly, some of that shit you couldn\'t possibly completely blame on him, like all the economic problems, thats why there is a seperate department for that. We were in a slump when Clinton left it just carried over.