PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: videoholic on December 20, 2004, 02:33:57 PM
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Looking for Santa? Ask this engineer…
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.
This means Santa\'s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second –
3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not coun ing anta himself. On land, a conventional reindeer an pull no more than 100 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can\'t be done with eight or even nine of them Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth\'s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m/s in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g\'s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering pink blob.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he\'s dead now.
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i\'m gonna delete this..you do know that kids frequent this site don\'t you? ;)
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does this study take into account...MAGIC!?
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Damn you!! I was just about to say that ;)
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You do know that this thread has probably been posted in this very forum at least 5 times over the years? :) It\'s funny, but does it really need to be a yearly thing?
[/jaded]
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Ahh, science. And, as they say, still no cure for cancer.
-Dan
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that was in "the metro" on friday i think, a free newspaper on publice transmport, i think it may just b Glasgow dunno, anyway it was the same thing only shortened.
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Santa uses magical pixie dust. If Humans snort that stuff, they turn into elves. The ACLU calls them "Santa\'s slaves".
I like Elves. There was one that escaped and started a popular musical career. He changed his name slightly to hide from Santa. His name was Elvis.
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Originally posted by Blade
You do know that this thread has probably been posted in this very forum at least 5 times over the years?
No shit
Originally posted by Blade
:) It\'s funny, but does it really need to be a yearly thing?
[/jaded]
Yes
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Originally posted by videoholic
No shit
Yes
penis
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Originally posted by theomen
penis
YES...
But I prefer to be called cock.
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You are Mr. Cock....second in command of the Starship Enter-ass. You boldly go where no man or beast has gone before.
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:gman:
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Santa has magic powers, who the f#@K says that he has to travel faster then the speed of sound. Ever thought he may be able to slow or even stop time.
I\'ve already said to much......
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Yes...he sees you when you\'re sleeping, he knows when you\'re awake...he knows if you\'ve been doing stuff w.yourself in the shower when you think nobody is looking that sick BASTARD! I hate perverted jolly fat people...
He should be slain...
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WELCOM TO LAST YAER!!!S
We all know Santa\'s fake. Now the Easter Bunny, that\'s a whole different story.
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SO you just found out last year?
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• Santa\'s society of elves has at least five hundred uninterrupted years to evolve- socially and intellectually.
• Their understanding of physics and engineering exceeds our own.
• To deliver presents in a single night, Santa and elves would have researched a means to create more "time" - recognizing that time itself can be stretched like a rubber band, that space itself can be squeezed like an orange, and that light itself can be bent (based on general relativistic principles).
• It is thought that the first breakthrough came when they learned how to control time, how to control space and how to control light. They would have created “relativity clouds.”
• In contrast with Santa\'s five hundred years of understanding general relativistic principles, our understanding spans less than 100 years - and it\'s incomplete. We haven\'t unified the electrical and gravitational forces, nor resolved issues associated with wave-particle duality, nor examined singularities and other dramatic curvatures of space-time that could be used to manipulate space-time.
• Relativity clouds are controllable domains (volumes) within which space-time is controlled. An observer inside a relativity cloud perceives time, space and light differently than an observer outside the relativity cloud.
• Inside the relativity cloud, Santa has months to deliver presents. Santa sees the world frozen and only hears silence.
• Upon returning to the North Pole, and leaving the domain of the relativity cloud, only a few minutes go by.
• The presents are truly delivered in the wink of an eye.
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Originally posted by PS2_-\'_\'-_PS2
that was in "the metro" on friday i think, a free newspaper on publice transmport, i think it may just b Glasgow dunno, anyway it was the same thing only shortened.
Nah
We have that over here in Queens, NY. Something to read while on the bus/train.
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Originally posted by videoholic
SO you just found out last year?
No, hence the plural tense.
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3 years ago, I was in Geometry class, my highly trained math teacher read this out to us too.
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Originally posted by Cyrus
• Santa\'s society of elves has at least five hundred uninterrupted years to evolve- socially and intellectually.
• Their understanding of physics and engineering exceeds our own.
• To deliver presents in a single night, Santa and elves would have researched a means to create more "time" - recognizing that time itself can be stretched like a rubber band, that space itself can be squeezed like an orange, and that light itself can be bent (based on general relativistic principles).
• It is thought that the first breakthrough came when they learned how to control time, how to control space and how to control light. They would have created “relativity clouds.”
• In contrast with Santa\'s five hundred years of understanding general relativistic principles, our understanding spans less than 100 years - and it\'s incomplete. We haven\'t unified the electrical and gravitational forces, nor resolved issues associated with wave-particle duality, nor examined singularities and other dramatic curvatures of space-time that could be used to manipulate space-time.
• Relativity clouds are controllable domains (volumes) within which space-time is controlled. An observer inside a relativity cloud perceives time, space and light differently than an observer outside the relativity cloud.
• Inside the relativity cloud, Santa has months to deliver presents. Santa sees the world frozen and only hears silence.
• Upon returning to the North Pole, and leaving the domain of the relativity cloud, only a few minutes go by.
• The presents are truly delivered in the wink of an eye.
Wha...? :stick:
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First time I read that and very interesting.
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... wait
so santa isn\'t real? :eek: :(
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No, he\'s real.
Just, dead.
-Dan
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you do know what santa really stands for right?..satan! he was created by the white man to take away the tru meaning of christmas ;)...which is the birth of jesus christ...s**t this santa claus puts too much pressure on parents during the holidays :evil: :(
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Originally posted by square_marker
... wait
so santa isn\'t real? :eek: :(
St. Nicholas was the Bishop of Myra in the 4th Century. Though the Catholic Church is skeptical of his actual existance. He was known to give gifts to children. His most famous and legendary act was hearing about a young woman about to be sold, by her parents, into prostitution because they did not have enough money for her dowry. Back in the day, no dowry for the groom\'s family, no marriage.
So, St. Nicholas snuck into their home and left some gold coins in their stockings, which were left to dry by the fireplace. Why the stockings? Well, if thieves happened to sneak in after him, they wouldn\'t check the stinky socks, would they?
Anyway, apparently the daughter had enough dowry and was married off.
Germans took this tradition and played it out during Christmas. In German, Saint = Sinter. Nicholas = Klaus. Sinter Klaus.
See? He may have existed. Oh yeah.....the Romans crucified him, I think.
EDIT - no, he wasn\'t killed by the Romans. He was jailed by them but later freed by Constantine, the Roman Emporer who switched to Christianity.
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Twas the night before Christmas
Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves
and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats,
ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind
to scrap the whole works !
I\'ve busted my ass for damn near a year.
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain\'t damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of you yo yo\'s--No request for them! ,
They want computers and robots..they think--I\'m IBM !
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimney\'s and skinning my knees
I\'m quitting this job there\'s just no enjoyment
I"ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There\'s no Christmas this year,
now you know the reason,
I found me a redhead.
I\'m going SOUTH for the season!
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Originally posted by theomen
does this study take into account...MAGIC!?
Exactly….
Everyone knows that Santa has power over TIME & SPACE making the one night trip to deliver presents entirety possible.
He also know when you have been Bad or Good too… Thanks to a network of secret CCTV’s across the globe.
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haha..very funny guar!...
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Originally posted by ooseven
Exactly….
Everyone knows that Santa has power over TIME & SPACE making the one night trip to deliver presents entirety possible.
He also know when you have been Bad or Good too… Thanks to a network of secret CCTV’s across the globe.
actually....
An antenna is spread out under the snow. The antenna aperture is a round mesh, a few square miles in size, with mesh spacing on the order of a millimeter to accommodate microwave frequency reception. The antenna receives the electromagnetic waves from children\'s\' thoughts.
The associated input signals to the computer are divided into different sources associated with children\'s brain waves. This is done by a dedicated filtering software platform. The filtering is accomplished using tunable FFTs (fast Fourier transforms), adaptive pattern recognition algorithms, and with artificial intelligent neural networks with automated hidden layer constructions.
The listening antenna combines technologies currently used in EKGs, antennas looking into deep space, and cellular telephones.
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what the heck is going on?^^^^