PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Jumpman on November 20, 2005, 08:38:57 AM
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I need one really good old person joke for a speech I\'m doing this week. Something edgy but not too edgy if you catch my drift!
And I\'m not talking about "yo mamma is so old"...yeah.
Yeah.
:bow:
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You mean like.. old-person-related or just old-fashioned?
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old person related yeah
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3 old ladies where sitting on a park bench. Ethel, Marge and Bessie. Just then a flasher runs up to them, opens his coat and exposes himself to the 3 ladies. Immediately Ethel has a stroke. Marge has a stroke also. But Bessie, being feeble and weak couldn\'t reach that far.
A couple, both born the same year and month, were celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been so loving she would grant them each one wish.
Very excited, the wife said that since she had already visited most of North America in her RV she would like to visit Europe.
The fairy waved her magic wand; airline tickets instantly appeared in her hand.
Then it was the husband\'s turn. He paused for a moment, then said with a sly look, "Well, I\'d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand, and presto, he was 90.
An elderly couple go to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How\'re you doing?" asks the doctor.
"Pretty good," answers the old man. "I\'m eating well, and I\'m still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me."
The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man\'s wife.
"How\'re you feeling?" he asks.
"I\'m doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I\'m not feeling any pain."
The doctor says, "That\'s nice. It sounds like you and your husband are both doing well. One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?"
"Oh No," says the woman, "He\'s peeing in the refrigerator again."
An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
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An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
I think thats a little too edgy, wouldnt you think?
Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down
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Boring, but might be appropriate for the audience your aiming your speech at, MP\'s are edgy but some I wouldn\'t thing are bad if you leave out the sperm sample on the one you quoted it becomes just funny and leaves all sexual references out.
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Originally posted by Jar O Pickles
3 old ladies where sitting on a park bench. Ethel, Marge and Bessie. Just then a flasher runs up to them, opens his coat and exposes himself to the 3 ladies. Immediately Ethel has a stroke. Marge has a stroke also. But Bessie, being feeble and weak couldn\'t reach that far.
:rofl:
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i was looking for one liners
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One liners?
ok, here\'s one... well almost
what\'s blue and fucks old people?
hypothermia.
tell them that, they\'ll be pissing their sides.
:D
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Hmmm
How about:
Why did the burry the old man on the other side of the hill?
BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD!
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Whats worse then a pile of dead babies?
The one on the bottom eating his way through.[/b]
Its not an old-person joke, sue me.
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Originally posted by (e)
Whats worse then a pile of dead babies?
The one on the bottom eating his way through.
Its not an old-person joke, sue me. [/B]
some more un-old personish jokes.
Q Why did the feminist cross the road?
A To suck my dick.
Q How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Two. One to change the lightbulb, the other to suck my dick
Q What is 8" long and makes a woman moan all night?
A A stillborn baby
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LOL on the last one, Cerb...:laughing:
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why did mm cross the road?
because he had his dick up the chickens ass!!
what?