PSX5Central
Non Gaming Discussions => Off-Topic => Hall of Fame/Shame: Best of PSX2 and PSX4Central => Topic started by: GmanJoe on February 21, 2001, 09:17:01 AM
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Don\'t ever eat veggie chilli if you plan to be out of the house. Holy gassness.....
I was driving to the mall with my girlfriend one cold night about 3 days before Christmas. The whole trip, my legs felt like it was getting eroded by the gas that was building up within me. Since it was cold, I couldn\'t open the windows and I wasn\'t about to let one loose and cause my girlfriend to have a nose bleed.
Luckily, we got to the mall without any accidental slips. Whew! Well, like we typically do at the mall, we do our seperate shopping so just before she left, she gave me a big, tight hug. I had no idea that she would tickle me at the same time but my sphincter held its ground. "Whew" again!
Well.....\'twas time to find a place to let one go without getting any of the Christmas shoppers\' attention. And man.....it was a packed mall. Not a single safe place to cut some bad cheese. Luckily, an elevator nearby opened and NO ONE WAS INSIDE! (there is a God)! I slipped in and hoped no one would follow. And luckily, no one did. (Thank the Lord!) As the doors slid shut, I let one rip.....and by golly, that fart gave the impression the elevator doors were as rusty as Dracula\'s coffin door!
And what a release of energy that was! Halelleua! I could have filled up one of those car dealer blimps!
Second floor. *ting*
I trotted out of the sauna I just created in that gas chamber. And feeling sorry for any poor soul who went in there, I took a glance back at the elevator to spy on the poor saps who\'d have the unfortunate whiff of my evil spirit that once dwelled in the chasm of my bowels.
And who did I see in there? My girlfriend. I tried to call her name but the door began to slide shut. And just before it did, I could see my girl\'s face get contorted.
Damn.
And to think I fought like the exorcist to keep it in during the whole trip to the mall.
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Hahaha. That\'s a good story:)
Luckily for me, my wife and I fart in front of eachother all the time. She\'s got me beat in the Burp area, but my anal vapor can kill. Sick, I know...But true love is playing the fart game with your better half:)
As far as gas goes. If I eat french fries. BAM!! I\'m tootin\' like a hyper-active train on crack inside of 15 minutes.
My dogs though....They have even ME beat. If a theif ever comes in my house, I should have my younger dog(Amber) shoot a gas bomb out of her brown bagel and that baddie would pass out cold. We\'ve built up an immunity that brings us just short of unconciousness:)
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heheheh, now that\'s funny ****, it actually made me laugh out loud! LOL
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LOL :D :D funny story
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omg that was some of the funiest stuff i have ever read in this forum, great story:P
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Originally posted by GmanJoe
Well.....\'twas time to find a place to let one go without getting any of the Christmas shoppers\' attention. And man.....it was a packed mall. Not a single safe place to cut some bad cheese. Luckily, an elevator nearby opened and NO ONE WAS INSIDE! (there is a God)! I slipped in and hoped no one would follow. And luckily, no one did. (Thank the Lord!)
You said we would never speak or this again,it was between me,you and the elevator. ;):D
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i hate women
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Thanks for sharing.
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Man that was a good story. I got all nervous just reading it because I knew of the inevitable conclusion.
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yea thanks for the great story
yea to getting me going all i need is some grapde nerds - don\'t ask why but when i eat those you better not be in a 500 ft radius or you will regret it
but like i said funny story:laughing:
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:laughing: That was a GREAT story; interesting and funny! You could become a writer! :laughing:
And Cygnus, your post wasn\'t bad either :D
Well, I\'m a great farter. I could beat you all. If you just let me eat pea-soup first :)
Gasmask required beyond this point!
Ahhh... Try to quess what I just did... Dang, now I\'ll have to suffer in my own smell... God I gotta open a window...
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yea you better open a window or you might just kill youself :laughing:
remember that guy...hahahahah
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HAHAHHA! That is a classic story! I shall never forget it! :) One of the best I have heard on the forum!
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*bump*
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Dude this is an ancient thread.
It belongs with the dinosaurs man.
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Originally posted by nO-One
Dude this is an ancient thread.
It belongs with the dinosaurs man.
So the new members shouldn\'t read it?
I\'ll delete it tomorrow if that makes you feel better.
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HAHAHAHA TOO funny man. Yeah this is a classic!!
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LOL ! All I can say is : \'Bring on the Fartallities !\':laughing:
Knotter8
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:laughing::laughing: That was the funniest thing that I ever read!!!OMG, I was on the floor rolling.:laughing::laughing:
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LOL that was some funny stuff man! good story! :)
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LMAO! Classic post! Nice one GmanJoe!
:laughing:
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:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
Damn funny.. :D
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lol.. funny storie... veery discriptive.... great childrens book... not a bad idea... thinking outload aggain....
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I read your story again and I still couldn\'t contain myself from laughing. :laughing:
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hahah it was as funyy as the first time a read it lol
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LOL! REALLY I LAUGHED OUT LOUD THE WHOLE TIME! LMAO!!!!!! :{}
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You said we would never speak or this again,it was between me,you and the elevator.
Phhhpphhffttbwahahaha!
That was pretty funny! :laughing:
Anyway, even though we have been together longer than the Earth has been rotating, my wife REFUSES to cut loose in front of me. I prodded her once about it, but, thought better of it when I considered a wife who farted. I\'m glad she keeps it to herself, now.
My daughter, on the other hand, scared me when we first had her. Nobody told us that she would have EXPLOSIVE farts after her first few days. Whoa, she did her daddy proud.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS
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Goat meat
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Now this is one helluva resurrection!
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That sucks...I\'m sorry about that man...:/ But that was hilarious...:) I guess embarassing stories usually are..hehehe...
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Damn man, it\'s almost been a year since this topic was posted.
Very funny story, though. I don\'t know how I missed it last year.
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How about my garlic fart story? :D
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Originally posted by serrano007
How about my garlic fart story? :D
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Garlic farts
Ok well.. I ate at this Italian restaurant last night called Capriciossa..
I ordered a bowl of Spaghetti.. Which just had tons of red peppers and garlic.. I ate all the garlic whole.:) yum.. I also had a ton of garlic bread.. This is not no cheap garlic bread, this is real real garlic bread.
So I woke up this morning.. And being lazy to get up, I stayed under the sheets for a while.. I just farted and I got a "GARLIC FART".... WOHOO.. It smelled exactly like garlic.. And for the past few hours, I\'ve been farting garlic smells.... ooooo.. I can\'t wait till I head to the crapper.. I\'ll have GARLIC POO. yum.
This one? I looked all over for it just for you. :p
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OH HELL YEAH. :laughing:
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heh i think this has been resurected twice now :p
once in oct and now
oh well its still funny
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Holy crap :laughing: I remember when this was first resurrected. I was laughing so hard that I was literally on the floor. To tell the truth, I was going to resurrect this thread. I wasn\'t sure if I should or not. Seriously.
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it\'s just as funny the second time around :), ahhh the memory\'s of the early forums bring a tear to my eye :)
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Originally posted by unknown
it\'s just as funny the second time around :), ahhh the memory\'s of the early forums bring a tear to my eye :)
hehehehe
It gives me gas.
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Oohh.....one of my first posts in Off Topic!
:D
I need to come up with another one I had in the office. :p
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Gman, this is going to go down as one of the coolest threads ever in my book man. I know its old but hell, just spending the last couple minutes reading it made me laugh out loud. Now that I have the attention of my boss though I had better take a leave to the bathroom so I look a bit less suspicious. :D
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project....a couple months ago, I was with my girlfriend playing a video game while she read a book. My dog was right next to me, sleeping.
I think I was playing Dynasty Warriors 3.
And then my dog wakes up and smells his butt. And then he looks at me for a second. He whines. Then leaves.
Then the smell hits my nostrils, nearly made me pass out. My girlfriend shuts her book and says "YOU ARE SO RUDE!"
And she leaves in a huff.
My dog rocky comes back with a leash in his mouth.
Damn dog made me look like I farted! :mad:
Up to now, my girlfriend still doesn\'t believe it was the dog.
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Originally posted by GmanJoe
project....a couple months ago, I was with my girlfriend playing a video game while she read a book. My dog was right next to me, sleeping.
I think I was playing Dynasty Warriors 3.
And then my dog wakes up and smells his butt. And then he looks at me for a second. He whines. Then leaves.
Then the smell hits my nostrils, nearly made me pass out. My girlfriend shuts her book and says "YOU ARE SO RUDE!"
And she leaves in a huff.
My dog rocky comes back with a leash in his mouth.
Damn dog made me look like I farted! :mad:
Up to now, my girlfriend still doesn\'t believe it was the dog.
:laughing:
It’s too bad your lady don’t like to express herself in the ways of flatulation. My wife and I have spent days were we both just fart to try and out do one another. I have fun with her like that and when the day is over, we go for a walk to let the house air out a bit. D*mn those are great times.
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She doesn\'t mind odorless farts.
It\'s the nasty nose wrenching kind that gets to her. :p
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I guess anybody would rather smell the ones that have little odor to them but what’s the fun in those? I say that if you can hardly smell it…eat more beans or broccoli or onions or something. If your gonna fart, you might as well burn a few nose hairs doing it right?:D
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Originally posted by project86
I guess anybody would rather smell the ones that have little odor to them but what’s the fun in those? I say that if you can hardly smell it…eat more beans or broccoli or onions or something. If your gonna fart, you might as well burn a few nose hairs doing it right?:D
Man...if I ever meet you, it better be in an open field on a windy day. :D
Burn some nose hairs....that\'s worse than nose bleeds! :D
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Originally posted by GmanJoe
Man...if I ever meet you, it better be in an open field on a windy day. :D
Burn some nose hairs....that\'s worse than nose bleeds! :D
Ahhh grass hoppa…you too may learn the ways of nostril inflammation. With fire power like that you can do no wrong in the eyes of most friends. If anybody tries to give you sh*t, you just point you’re a$$ in their direction and whalla! They back down, just like that!
Don’t worry man, I would never try to injure a real friend or any innocent civilians for that matter.:D
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I\'ll send you a can of beans and a pickled cabbage. :D
You may want to keep yer windows open. The concussion from the fart blast have been known to make shards of glass cut people into ribbons.
Here :
http://www.gibbleguts.com/fartingdog/fartingdogs.html
:D
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I have seen that one time and time again but it still makes me laugh my ass off!:laughing:
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Originally posted by GmanJoe
project....a couple months ago, I was with my girlfriend playing a video game while she read a book. My dog was right next to me, sleeping.
I think I was playing Dynasty Warriors 3.
And then my dog wakes up and smells his butt. And then he looks at me for a second. He whines. Then leaves.
Then the smell hits my nostrils, nearly made me pass out. My girlfriend shuts her book and says "YOU ARE SO RUDE!"
And she leaves in a huff.
My dog rocky comes back with a leash in his mouth.
Damn dog made me look like I farted! :mad:
Up to now, my girlfriend still doesn\'t believe it was the dog.
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: I was drinking a soda when I read that. Nothing came out thank god.
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Thats a funny story!
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GmanJoe and CygnusXI, great stories! :laughing:
BRAVO!
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lol, thats made me laugh
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Hahahaha. Those are some great stories, made me laugh the whole time. I\'m still laughing just thinking about it. I think i\'ll read them again.
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Oldie but goodie!
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first time i read it..funny stuff gman! :)..i think the farts that smell like rotten eggs are THEE worst...and on a hot summer day noless..;)
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Holy crap how do I remember this thread name? I still haven\'t read it :)
Maybe I will now. Damn necromancer
edit- gay filipino. like richard pryor i make sure i be cleanin my colon for 3 hours and ish
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Hahaha I still remember this story. Good days they were.
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Me remember too.
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Garlic farts are pretty bad. At work, there must be something in the air that makes me want to fart. But it gets worse when I go out for pizza. I enjoy my pizza with garlic powder and crushed hot pepper. Its really good. The only downfall is you need to fart, and they smell really bad sometimes. One day, I had to work register. I didn\'t see anyone around, so I let one go. It reeked. As soon as I started to smell it,two really cute asian girls came up to my register. It was pretty embarrassing but funny when I told the story. There was another I had pizza with garlic and peppers again and I was in the office with a coworker and a manager and we were talking. I let out a silent but deadly and everyone got silent. Heh, work is fun sometimes :)
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Sorry to bump an old thread but I needed to show this to my wife.
*sigh* ahhh the memories.
Now I fart around her like its part of my conversation. I used to be so bashfull about letting the stink out. Now that I married her, she\'ll just have to cope with the puffing starfish.
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You give her the \'ole dutch oven yet?
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Originally posted by videoholic
You give her the \'ole dutch oven yet?
Yes. Whilst having sex, even. She was on top so she just stood up and took the blanket away. She\'s so insensitive to my needs, I tells ya. :mad:
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Originally posted by GmanJoe
Don\'t ever eat veggie chilli if you plan to be out of the house. Holy gassness.....
I was driving to the mall with my girlfriend one cold night about 3 days before Christmas. The whole trip, my legs felt like it was getting eroded by the gas that was building up within me. Since it was cold, I couldn\'t open the windows and I wasn\'t about to let one loose and cause my girlfriend to have a nose bleed.
Luckily, we got to the mall without any accidental slips. Whew! Well, like we typically do at the mall, we do our seperate shopping so just before she left, she gave me a big, tight hug. I had no idea that she would tickle me at the same time but my sphincter held its ground. "Whew" again!
Well.....\'twas time to find a place to let one go without getting any of the Christmas shoppers\' attention. And man.....it was a packed mall. Not a single safe place to cut some bad cheese. Luckily, an elevator nearby opened and NO ONE WAS INSIDE! (there is a God)! I slipped in and hoped no one would follow. And luckily, no one did. (Thank the Lord!) As the doors slid shut, I let one rip.....and by golly, that fart gave the impression the elevator doors were as rusty as Dracula\'s coffin door!
And what a release of energy that was! Halelleua! I could have filled up one of those car dealer blimps!
Second floor. *ting*
I trotted out of the sauna I just created in that gas chamber. And feeling sorry for any poor soul who went in there, I took a glance back at the elevator to spy on the poor saps who\'d have the unfortunate whiff of my evil spirit that once dwelled in the chasm of my bowels.
And who did I see in there? My girlfriend. I tried to call her name but the door began to slide shut. And just before it did, I could see my girl\'s face get contorted.
Damn.
And to think I fought like the exorcist to keep it in during the whole trip to the mall.
at least you didn\'t follow through and shit yourself.
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Heh, I was thinking about bumping this thread but I forgot :) It is such a good holiday thread.
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bump :)
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fucking hell, I don\'t have the remotest memory of this thread
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That fart must\'ve made her horny coz she married me.
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ha!
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Ah. For some reason this thread is one of my favorites. Guess farts are funny, especially when the girlfriends are on the receiving end ;)
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Holy cow! I remember this thread! Just this morning, I woke my wife up with a huge loud fart! She was late for yoga so it was all good. Anyone ever noticed that when you start to wake up, first thing you do is fart?
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lol. i don't think the first thing most people do is fart when they start to wake up. I think most people went to the bathroom to take a piss first thing in the morning.
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I fart.
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lol. ewww. :D
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That seems to have tickled your fancy. Calm your tits Paul.
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i didn't even know what tickle your fancy or calm your tits mean and i have to look them up. lol. :)
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For you, Titan wants to tickle your penis and rub your tits.
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oh. is that what it is.(https://s.yimg.com/lq/i/mesg/emoticons7/5.gif)
jk. :p
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What. The. Fuck.
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