Essay #2 English speakers help!!!

Hi, here you are my next essay in english. I need your help to correct the bad things (I\'m not perfect!!), so if you wanna help me a bit and have 2 minutes, please tell what\'s bad, rewrite it if you want, change expressions, better adjetives... I hope somebody help me... 1 month ago a member do it. Will you do?

The essay:



BREAKING NEWS
Big robbery in London: three men steal Queen’s Crown.

According to the Central Police Bureau of London, three hooded men assaulted the famous jewellery Richard’s House in downtown early today and they robbed the worthy Queen’s Crown besides about fifty thousand pounds and lots of valuable jewels, watches and old pieces.

It seems that the main target of the theft was this royal jewel. The police has not yet confirmed this point but it’s a logical idea. The Crown, which is made by gold, silver, platinum and diamonds, is one of the most precious and characteristic objects of English Monarchy. It was placed there due to its cleanliness that every year is carried out by the noted jeweller Richard.

We have got a couple of proofs from people that there were near to the place. Natalie, a woman of 25 years old, was taking out some money from a teller and she could see three tall men, in black jackets and handbags in their right hands. They also wore sunglasses and according to this woman, they could speak a strange language.

Louis was inside Richard’s jewellery at the moment of the robbery and told us this testimony: “Three well-dressed and hooded men entered in the local when I was buying a ring for my wife. One of them walked through the room and crossed Richard’s office door. He closed the door and I could hear screams. Meanwhile, the other two guys removed a couple of guns and began to menace all the people in the shop. Some minutes later, and very frightened, I heard a shot. The man who had entered moments ago in Richard’s room, went out carrying a key. With that key he unlocked many safes and put in some bags a lot of jewels, money and something very protected by a special cloth. I don’t know what it was, but I’m pretty sure something important and valuable because the man smiled at the object when he found it.”  

If the story of this witness is true, we could affirm that Richard is now dead, but It’s not official. The robbers run away with the treasure in a small white car toward the north freeway. Nobody noticed the robbery in the street and this way, no one called the police until the hostages and employees went out from the building. Police’s head, John Greens, has told that they are working hard to clarify the incident and the robbers will be captured.

Police is investigating the place at the moment in order to get hints. In the meantime, the royal spokesman has not said a word about the facts but it’s scheduled a meeting tonight at Buckingham Palace. We haven’t got more details about the robbery, however, we can state that it will be one of the most important events of this year.

If you require additional information, we will give you it in the next newscast at eight o’clock.

OK, well perhaps I changed things a bit more than you were expecting.  I hope this helps. Here is my edited version:

BREAKING NEWS
Big robbery in London: three men steal Queen’s Crown.

According to the Central Police Bureau of London, three hooded men assaulted the famous jeweller Richard’s House in downtown London early today.  They made off the priceless Queen’s Crown as well as about fifty thousand pounds and many valuable jewels, watches and antiquities.

Evidently the main target of the theft was the royal crown. The police have not yet confirmed this, but it’s a logical idea. The Crown, which is made of gold, silver, platinum and diamonds, is one of the most precious and unique objects of English Monarchy. It was present at the house awaiting the noted jeweller Richard\'s annual cleaning.

We obtained reports from a couple witnesses who were near the house. Natalie, a woman aged 25, was withdrawing money from a teller at the time.  She reported seeing three tall men in black jackets with handbags in their hands. They also wore sunglasses, and according to the woman, they spoke in a strange language.

Louis was inside Richard’s establishment at the time of the robbery and provided this testimony: “Three well-dressed and hooded men entered while I was buying a ring for my wife. One of them walked across the room and entered Richard’s office door. He closed the door and I began to hear screams. Meanwhile, the other two guys drew guns and began to menace all the people in the shop. Some minutes later, I heard a shot and became very frightened. The man who had entered Richard\'s room moments ago came out carrying a key. Using that key, he unlocked several safes and loaded the thief\'s bags with jewels, money, and something else protected by a special cloth. I don’t know what it was, but I’m pretty sure it was something important and valuable because the man smiled at the object when he found it.”

If the story of this witness is true, we can confirm that Richard is now dead, however that is not official. The robbers escaped with the treasure in a small white car, last seen speeding toward the north freeway. No one noticed the robbery from the street, so therefore the police were not summoned until the hostages and employees emerged from the building. Police chief John Greens stated that they are working hard to clarify the incident, and he emphasized that the robbers will be captured.

Police are presently investigating the crime scene to gather evidence. The royal spokesman has not made a statement regarding the crime, but a press conference is scheduled for tonight at Buckingham Palace. We have no additional details on the robbery, however we are certain that it will be one of the most important events of the year.

For additional information, please stay tuned for our next newscast at eight o’clock.

"we got a couple of proofs from people\'

should be

\'we got proof from various sources\'

my 2 euro cents

ask logan, that kid is hella smart for his age

Originally posted by Metal_Gear_Ray
"we got a couple of proofs from people\'

should be

\'we got proof from various sources\'

my 2 euro cents

But proof of what?  The second half indicating what the proof was about is not present.  Therefore, I figured that was not what he was trying to say, and I changed it to "We obtained reports from a couple witnesses."  I think this more correctly captures the intended meaning.

[Titan]

It sounds ok. A few small errors but not too many. You speek english as good as me . Good essay. There were a few run on sentences in a couple paragraphs like the first one. This is my 2 cents on it
"According to the Central Police Bureau of London, three hooded men assaulted the famous jewellery Richard’s House in downtown early today. They robbed the worthy Queen’s Crown, about fifty thousand pounds and lots of valuable jewels, watches and old pieces."

"If the story of this witness is true, we could affirm that Richard is now dead, but (i)t’s not official. The robbers rAn away with the treasure in a small white car toward the north freeway. Nobody noticed the robbery in the street and this way, no one called the police until the hostages and employees went out from the building. Police’s head, John Greens, has told that they are working hard to clarify the incident and the robbers will be captured."
A couple mistakes that are no big deal. You had "It\'s" which should be "it\'s" Small gramaticall error. No big deal.  "run" should be "ran. I put a capital so you could see what I changed. The A should be lowercase. Don\'t put the parentheses around the I in it\'s.
Other mistakes are in others posts. If I notice anymore, I\'ll definitly tell you. Very good Adan. You write english well.

Thanx a lot my friends. Thanx Coredweller for your rewrite, thanx Metal_Gear_Ray for fixing mistakes, and thanx Titan for notice those small mistakes. If I can speak English as well as you can see in my posts, 80% of the knowledge of it, is thanx to this great forum, where I\'m speaking English for more than 2 years.

Your help is very apreciated. Thanx again.

PD: If some of you wanna learn Spanish... tell me