Here is another guide I found from the same guy that made, guide to newbie boozers.
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Greetings!
You all know the situation - even though you probably should have stayed home, your mate Dave convinced you to attend some private party at some dodgy looking fellows flat. Lots of beer, lots of booze...but hardly any good looking birds in the crowd.
Since you don\'t really know anyone there you decide to get wasted, so you pour down whatever horrible and also sticky liquor you can get your hands on. While you sit there in the corner, looking rather gloomy, some unattractive girly named Dolores approach you... you\'re not quite there yet, so you try to make her go away by firing off some of your favourite remarks, like:
\'\'if you\'re so bloody content with your tits then why don\'t you wear \'em?\'\' or \'\'those shoes were made for walking!\'\' ....unfortunately this bird seems to be made out of tephlon \'cause she pays no heed to your splendid comments – instead she annoys you with her rather unpleasant company. After two hours of mind-rendering tales about her utterly indifferent studies at some 2nd rate university the \'beer-goggles\' finally kick in....not only does this freak of nature suddently appear slightly saucy, you\'re also blissed with selective hearing....enabling you to ignore her tedious annecdotes.
Eight hours later you wake up in a strange bed, the rays from the sun coming through the windows almost blind you....however, when you notice the thing lying next to you, you wish that the rays had actually blinded you... the world sure is a horrible place....you feel like someone poured 2 gallons of ether down your throat and hit you on the head with a base-ball bat afterwards....a feeling which is enhanced when the 190 pounds, milky coloured thing turns over and rams her elbow into your temple.
Getting dressed is no picnic either....running about naked with a greasy nob looking for those blasted socks of yours makes you feel the need of a serious reevaluation of your life as such....and to make things even worse you realize that you\'ve forgotten your keys to your flat, and the thought of showing up at your girlfriends house in this condition makes your stomach turn......and what excuse should you use this time?....what to do?....what to do?!
But despair not, children, \'cause uncle V is here for you!
Exits:
1) If you\'re a bit of a wanker - and you probably are! - you wanna go for the easy approach: Quickly get dressed and say: \'\'Hey! How about some break fast there? I\'ll just run down to the baker\'s!\'\'. The trick is, of course, NOT to return to the her flat.
2) The \'mean\' approach: When dressed, give her the stern look and say: \'\'As you\'ve probably gathered from our talk last night, I am in a steady relationship so I\'d appreaciate if I didn\'t hear from you again!\'\'. Before she can say that she doesn\'t have your phone-number flee the place!
3) The short version: \'\'Well....it was...nice....bye!\'\'
4) The pragmatic approach: \'\'Well....since we have no mutual friends chances are we\'ll never see each other again....so have
a pleasant life there!\'\'
There! Now you only need to worry about getting into your flat, but that\'s not really my department!
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If this happens to you, now you know what to do.
:hat:
