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Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using \'s\' instead of the soft \'c\'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard \'c\' could be replaced by \'k\' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome \'ph\' would henseforth be written \'f\'. This would make words like \'fotograf\' twenty persent shorter in print.In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.We would al agre that the horible mes of silent \'e\'s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing \'th\' by \'z\'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of \'w\' kould be taken on by \'v\', vitsh is, after al, half a \'w\'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary \'o\' kould be dropd from words kontaining \'ou\'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the uvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
In the third year, public acceptance of the new spelling can be expected to reach the stage where more complicated changes are possible. Governments would encourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterrent to accurate spelling.We would all agree that the horrible mess of silent \'e\'s in the language is disgraceful. Therefore we could drop these and continue to read and write as though nothing had happened. By this time it would be four years since the scheme began and people would be receptive to steps such as replacing \'th\' by \'z\'. Perhaps then the function of \'w\' could be taken on by \'v\', which is, after all, half a \'w\'. Shortly after this, the unnecessary \'o\' could be dropped from words containing \'ou\'. Similar arguments would of course be applied to other combinations of letters.Continuing this process year after year, we would eventually have a really sensible written style. After twenty years there would be no more troubles, difficulties and everyone would find it easy to understand each other. The dreams of the government would finally have come true.
