Author Topic: Hate to bore you all, but here is a joke. Got one? (Read 1306 times)

videoholic · « **Reply #15 on:** July 11, 2003, 04:55:49 PM »

ViVi will think that\'s funny.

What\'s a nappie?

« **Reply #16 on:** July 11, 2003, 04:58:22 PM »

like a dyper(sp)

videoholic · « **Reply #17 on:** July 11, 2003, 05:10:31 PM »

ah.. gotcha... a diaper. I know them very very well.

Titan · « **Reply #18 on:** July 11, 2003, 06:14:36 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Stupid Mop
An Australian ventriloquist, visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he\'ll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G\'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Villager: "The dog doesn\'t talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how\'s it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin\' all right."
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn\'t talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how\'s it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: "The sheep\'s a f***ing liar! "

I don\'t get it :cursin:

« **Reply #19 on:** July 11, 2003, 08:04:42 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Titan
I don\'t get it :cursin:

Really?

He\'s having sex with his sheep. :eek:

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don\'t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don\'t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don\'t know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde\'s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What\'s the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn\'t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it\'s the blonde\'s turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

videoholic · « **Reply #20 on:** July 12, 2003, 04:42:37 AM »

That\'s a funny joke, but what would make it better is a freaking return key once and a while. :cursin:

« **Reply #21 on:** July 12, 2003, 04:49:10 AM »

can we tell sick jokes on here?

not racist don\'t worry.

Kurt Angle · « **Reply #22 on:** July 12, 2003, 12:20:00 PM »

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I\'m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don\'t care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

« **Reply #23 on:** July 13, 2003, 02:33:56 AM »

"Wanna hear a long joke?"

"Sure."

"Joooooooooooooooooooooooooooke."