Oldie but goodie : Insurance reports.

[GmanJoe]

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible. The instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don\'t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationery truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife\'s face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end.

We had a classic when I was working for Budget Car Rental. Some guy went to Africa and was warned about certain areas, he didn\'t listen and went there anyway.

He ended up driving straight through the middle of a gang war. When the damage report came back we had a look and just fell around laughing. This little outline picture of a car used to draw on any damage was just peppered with black dots, apparently there were about 40 bullet holes altogether from full auto\'s.

Never did hear his explanation though.

BTW he did survive, in fact he wasn\'t hit once!

ha ha, some of them where funny

[Kurt Angle]

BWAAAHAAAAHAAAAA!

[Titan]

Those were pretty good. There really are some lazy people out there. Thats why you must always proof read *wink wink nudge nudge kopking*

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife\'s face.

That just sounds gory.

Good stuff Gman.

Where did you get this?

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

There are so many things wrong with this sentence. I can just picture the guy getting out of the car saying "DAMMIT! LOOK AT MY CAR!" while the person is dead on the curb.