The only jokes I think funny enough to make a thread about.
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A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.
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Man 1: Knock, Knock
Man 2: Who\'s there?
Man 1: It\'s me Johnny.
Man 2: Oh, hey man! Come on in, and have a beer.
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A white man is driving his Cadillac on a highway in Texas. He notices a black man pushing his bicycle along the side of the road. He pulls over to talk to the black man and offer him a ride. He says "I can\'t fit your bike in my car, but I can tie it to the back and let you ride behind me. If I\'m going too fast, just yell." The black man says "No thanks, that sounds pretty risky" and keeps pushing his bike down the road.
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An Irishman, an Englishman and an American are wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.
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A man walks into a bar. He drinks 6 Manhattans, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tries again and fails, drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life.
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Q: A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
A: Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair color doesn\'t affect acceleration due to gravity.
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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
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Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn\'t. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
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A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life. When asked if he can see the humor in the situation, the child replied "No. No I can\'t."
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How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house? You don\'t, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn\'t worry about it, really.
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What\'s the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.
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Take that you bastards.
