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Author Topic: Disorder in the court...  (Read 669 times)

Offline luckee
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Disorder in the court...
« on: October 30, 2006, 03:20:31 PM »
Disorder In Court
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
__________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you\'ve
forgotten? _____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can\'t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
______________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn\'t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn\'t know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
__________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
__________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
__________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
__________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
__________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
__________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
__________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
__________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
__________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.
\"Booze, broads, and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?\"-Harry Caray

Don\'t cry over spilled milk., It could have been Whiskey.-Me

A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.-George Washington

Offline Samwise
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Disorder in the court...
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2006, 03:28:05 PM »
Hehe, pretty damn funny!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAPETIME!
(thanks Chizzy!)

Offline FatalXception
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Disorder in the court...
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2006, 06:17:18 PM »
Quote
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.

I hate lawyers.  Good list though.
FatalXception

Murphy\'s Law - What can go wrong, will.
Poker Law      - Magnum .44 beats four aces.
Cole\'s Law      - Thinly sliced cabbage.

Offline Titan

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Disorder in the court...
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2006, 08:16:00 PM »
I was rolling at those. I liked the last one the best. The response the doctor had was too good.
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Offline GmanJoe

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Disorder in the court...
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2006, 05:22:36 AM »
Oldie but goodie. I\'m surprised that this hasn\'t gotten around as much as the others coz this one is one of the funnier ones. I bet lawyers have something to do with it.
\"Gee,  I dunno.  If I was a chick, I\'d probably want a kiss (or more) from Durst, too.\"--SineSwiper 9/23/03 (from another forum)
Originally posted by Seed_Of_Evil I must admit that the last pic of her ass will be used in my next masturbation. She\'s hot as hell, one of my

Offline clips

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Disorder in the court...
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2006, 07:22:34 AM »
heh...pretty funny..i\'d suppose i too would reply in the same manner if lawyers was asking me stupid-ass questions like that...
knowledge, wisdom & understanding..these are the basic fundamentals of life

if you can\'t amaze them with brilliance, baffle them with bullsh*t....

 

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