Got a new job!

[Paul2]

thanks a lot for the kind words.  appreciate it.  yeah, my middle brother likes going places on his free times when he is not working despite gas being expensive.  tonight, he is going to take me to a music show like a concert show that he bought tickets last month so its was nice of him.

[Titan]

Who did you go see?

[Paul2]

its a variety of singers from the entertainment production company called paris by night.  its a vietnamese production company.  its not live show though but lip syncing to the songs that they have rehearsed.  some songs are dancing so some singers and dancers also rehearsed that too.

i didn't really want to go but last month, my middle brother drove me and my oldest brother places and one of the places that he took us to was paris by night store and he went and bought tickets for him and me.

i was hoping the show was good but it was below my expectation.  most songs are boring and there are like 2 to 3 memorable songs there and some singers has good to great voices while other singers are just like average.  the mcs are fun though, i like how they jokes around a lot and there is a comedy script which are also fun and funny.

speaking of lip syncing and dancing, i remember i post a music video from paris by night where the singer was singing lip syncing and dancing with the dancers on your birthday last year.  she is one of the few where i think has a great voice.

[Paul2]

Today Is My 1 Year Anniversary of Practicing Martial Arts At the Park.  Since I couldn't Sleep Anymore today so far and i only got like 1 1/2 hour and was up for like 2 hours already so might as well update about my 1 year annivesary of practicing martial arts at the park this early in the morning.  Oh, i would like to say that today is saturday so i am not going to practice martial arts today or tomorrow since i usually take weekends off.  Anyway here are some highlights of my 1 year annivesary of martial arts practice:

- on march 9, 2022, i improved on the move #4 on the 5th set some more where i did the side spin turn.

- on march 30, 2022, i improved on my front flip some more which is move #8.

- on april 29, 2022, i improved on my side turn jump kick some more which is move #9 on the 3rd set where i became intermediate on this move starting on this day.

- on may 30, 2022, i improved on all 5 moves ranging from a little to somewhat improved on that day.  i was happy and coincidentally it was on memorial day and it indeed was a good day to remember my improvements.

later that night on may 30, i wasn't able to sleep that i was up all night until morning come and i was only able to get like 30 to 45 minutes of sleep that morning on the 31 that i wasn't able to get a full good sleep until later that night.  must have been the drug in the air.  because i wasn't able to sleep on the night of the 30th, that i didn't practice martial arts on the park on the 31 at all.  also, on the night of the may 30, i was drug up where the drug made me angry that i released my anger out verbally.

anyway, so overall on a total of 11 moves that i practice at the park, on many moves i become intermediate or nearly intermediate while a few moves, i still don't get much improvement at all.  Looking forward to one more year from now to see how much improvements i make.  hopefully i become advance in most moves in another year from now for my 2nd year anniversary.

[Paul2]

Today is my 2 years anniversary martial arts practice at the park.

on probably around early august 2022, while i was taking a break from martial arts practice, i went to the bleacher to sit down and i stepped some kind of hard water bottle underneath the bleacher as i walked close to the bleacher. it injured the center left side of my sole of my right foot.  on mid september 2022, i decided to take 15 days of break before i practice martial arts again as a way to heal up my right foot as its still in pain that time.  15 days later, my foot is still in pain but somewhat less if i remember correctly.

on late February 2023, it was friday and the park maintenance workers were cutting grass at the park.  the workers were parking there trucks at the grass area spot of where i use to practice martial arts.  they were having lunch there.  i was waiting for like 20 minutes and they still haven't left yet that i walked to mcdonald to buy coffee and came back.  when i got back to the park, it seemed like they were about to leave if i remember correctly.  so i went back to the spot of where i usually practice martial arts and practice there.  after practice a little bit where i jumped as part of my practice and i landed my foot on the thorns on the grass area.  the 2nd or 3rd where i landed my foot on the thorns, it punctured a couple of my toes if i remember correctly.  it bled a little.  so i paid attention to the whole lane area of the grass and i notice there are a lot of thorns there.  as if the maintenance workers purposely laid down the thorns the whole grass lane there to injured me.  they could have picked it up when they did the maintenance and threw it into the big trash bag and put it in the back of the truck to threw it away in the landfill.  i was somewhat upset and surprised because as a child growing up, mexicans rarely bullied me and i think these maintenance workers are mexicans and i was surprised that they did that to me.  usually, as a child growing up, usually vietnamese people bullied me a lot, especially if its vietnamese boys.  i count my blessings though.  its not that bad and about 5 to 10 days later, it pretty healed up a lot so its okay.

-on probably around february to april 2023, i improved somewhat on many of my martial arts practice moves.  moves like move #1 - #4, #6, #8, and #9.

-on near the beginning to near the end of march 2023, i didn't practice martial arts at all because i got drugged up to the point where i overslept.  i slept as much as 16 to 20 hours a day during those time.  i also felt tired to very tired when i did get up.  so, in those 20ish days, i didn't practice martial arts or dance along to a couple songs on youtube to exercise either.

-on April 16, i become intermediate on move #5 i think, and i got home at around 2:50 p.m. from practice.  nearly an hour later, around 3:43 p.m. i heard my oldest brother threw up and heard the sound of him falling down in the living room as i was in my bedroom playing on my laptop.  i opened my bedroom door and saw my oldest brother laying down on the floor and then some seconds later, water came out of his mouth and flowed to his right eye as both of his eyes were closed.  i felt sorry for him.  then some seconds to a minute or 2 later, water came out of his nose.  i thought nothing of it and i thought it wasn't that bad and then seconds later, i forgot about it.  i called my mom twice but her cellphone didn't ring but to tell me to leave a message that i didn't bother calling the 3rd time.  About 10 to 15 minutes later after he fell down, i can see he tried to get up that i tried to pulled him up twice but he was so heavy that i didn't bother using all my energy to pulled him up.  i thought it be better if he laid down on the floor and rest because i believe he has been walking back and forth around the living room, kitchen, and the hallway for hours already before he fell.

Before i left the house to go to the park to practice martial arts that day, he was walking back and forth and talking to himself a lot in a happy mood.  Even when i got home, he was still walking back and forth happily talking to himself.  When i got home around 2:50 p.m., i notice there are lot of water on the floor in the kitchen and in the living room.  i wasn't sure if he poured water on the floor or if he threw up on the floor.

So after 10 to 15 minutes later after he fell down and after i tried to pulled him up but unsucessfully, i went to the restroom to wash my hands because my hands got dirty from trying to pick him up as many of his body were wet and his shirt was also wet too.  i also noticed the restroom floor was wet too.  so i just let him lay down on the living room's floor to rest and relax his body from walking too much for hours already.  beside that time i didn't think about it but a day or 2 later, i thought even if i picked him up, i am afraid he is going to walk back and forth again and the floor were wet and he might slip and fall down again.

then a minute or 2 later, he was mumbling something.  my aunt called our house's phone, and i didn't pick it on time.  by the time i pick it, it went to the answering machine i think and i said hello but my aunt didn't answer so i hanged up.  then a minute or two after that, my oldest brother still mumbling something, and he moved his fingers like he usually does, and his hands stop moving and he stop mumbling too.  that time i thought he was resting, and i can see his face turn white a little.  because my right eye ball twitches, i thought he was still breathing as i looked at his stomache so i just let him lay down.  about 30 seconds to a minute or 2 later, my mom came home and i told my mom as she was parking in the backyard that my oldest brother threw up and fell down on the floor if i remember correctly.  she quickly went inside the house and called out his name.  he didn't answer.  so she called the police.  she was so nervous she dialed the wrong number several times before she dialed the right numbers.  she gave my oldest brother mouth to mouth, and when the operator answered the phone, the operator told her to do chest pump on my oldest brother.  so, my mom and me take turns doing chest pump on him as the ambulance came.  then the paramedics came and they put him on a machine like mouth air pump and a machine on his chest to pump his chest as my mom was wiping the floor with a mop.  then the paramedics took him to the hospital.

About half an hour to an hour later, the hospital called, and my mom told me to asked her if my brother's okay and she said no and something like he is dead.  if i remember correctly, my mom told me to ask her what was the cause of his death and she said something like cardiac arrest or something like that.  i was surprised that he is dead that time.  he was 42 years old.  later when my mom took me to the hospital to see him, i can see his face was somewhat pale white and the machine is still on his mouth.  not sure if the machine is still on his chest that time.  while there, i told my oldest brother hopefully he reincarnated again and on his next life, be a much better person than this life and don't frame or falsely accuse other people anymore and live life a much happier life and a long age as much as 90 to 100 years old before he go again.

11 days later was his funeral and he was cremated later that day or the next day i think.  every sunday, we went to the temple to do ceremony for him and once every sunday for 7 times total and today is the last sunday where we do ceremony for him.  as time goes by, like a week or 2 later after his death, i was somewhat more shocked than the day he died.  some very rare time, i did cry a little and miss him somewhat.  if what i know now of what i know then, i would have pick him up when he fell down and let him sit in a upright position so he can breathe better and water can come out of his mouth and call the police right away.  i have a mild social anxiety disorder is another reason why i didn't bother calling the police right away that time.  beside, i thought it wasn't that bad when he fell down.

-yesterday, i was supposed to practice martial arts at the park again to make up for the 2 weekdays where i didn't practice but i only got like 3 hours of sleep yesterday so i didn't bother.  later that day, i got another like 2 hours of sleep so its not that bad.  last night, i didn't sleep until a little pass midnight, i did finally get to sleep and at around 9 a.m., i woke up and had a restroom break, before i laid down for another 40 minutes before i went with my family to the temple to do ceremony for the last time for our brother.  so today, i got a little more than enough time of sleep but combined with yesterday is still not enough but i still went to the park to practice martial arts today to make up for not being able to practice yesterday even though today is sunday.  anyway, i improved a little to some of the first 4 moves i practice today.  especially move 4 and move 1.  i think i beginning to get on how my upper body should be when i do the jump thing on move #4 and on the 5th and final set, i think i became a pro or nearly a pro on this move #4.  i also became more intermediate on move #1 where all 6 sets of this move, i jumped a little higher too than compare to half a year or more prior.

so far, i improved on move #1 to #6, #8, and #9.  to this day, i still hasn't improve on move #7 mostly because i was too scare to run any faster or further before i jumped making this move because i was afraid i might fall down.  i did fell down like 2 times already on probably in late january or maybe late february and another time maybe in february or march of this year on move #7 and move #9.  on move #10, i wasn't able to improve much on it because the compass on the left side of my head is broken that i couldn't balance it when i tried to do this move.  beside because the compass on the left side of my head is broken, that i sleep on the right side a lot instead on my back and i usually sleep very little to little amount on the left side too that my body is tilted to the right side that i couldn't improve much on move #10.  on move #11, the last move, to this day, i still hasn't improve much on this move either and it was quite a surprise.  i think i need more practice on this move.  there were moments where there are signs where i did improve a little bit to a little on this move though.

so hopefully, next year, on my 3rd anniversary, i become a pro on most moves and hopefully improve more and become at least intermediate on move #11 by then.

[Titan]

Oh man. I'm sorry to hear about your brother Paul. My condolences.

[Paul2]

thank you for the kind words Titan.  its okay.  my oldest brother has developmental delayed and he is not that nice or that ethical person when he was alive but he is still my brother so it does sucks that he died but lets hope he reincarnate again and be a better person on his next life and live a much longer age than this life.

[Paul2]

yesterday was my 3 years anniversary on practicing martial arts at the park and recently at the front yard at my new home too.  yesterday my middle brother gave me a joy ride that i didn't come home until a little after 10 p.m.  then i took a shower and went to bed.  i probably slept at around midnight and got up at a little over 7 a.m. today for restroom break.  then laying down in bed for another 2 hours or so i think before i could sleep again.  then i got up at 2:31 p.m.  so i slept as much as 12 hours today but combined with yesterday and days prior where i didn't get enough sleep.  oversleeping today should more than make up for it.

-On sometime last year, probably July 2023 or later, i finally stopped practicing move #10 and replaced move #11 as move #10 because the compass on the left side of my head is broken that i couldn't improve much on this former move #10.

- On December 25, 2023, i finally did the front flip with just one hand for the first time instead of 2 hands touching the ground.  I very likely possibly could do it several months sooner doing front flip with one hand but it didn't cross my mind.  because several months prior, i could do front flip with both my hands quite easily and my body was quite light as i did the front flip.  that means i could start doing the front flip with one hand by then but it didn't cross my mind until on December 25, iirc, after the 2nd set, on the 3rd set and last time, doing the front flip which is move #8.  i remember like months prior or maybe about a year prior where i watched a short video clip on youtube where a guy showed and taught the viewers on how to do the back flip.  first with 2 hands, then 1 hand, and eventually hands free.  so on December 25, i thought that might be the case with the front flip too and i did it with one hand and it works.

a day or so later, my mom got something like a flu and she spread it to me that i got sick and one time like a 1 or 2 days later, i felt like throwing up but nothing came out because i haven't eaten anything yet for like more than 6 hours.  so i didn't practice martial arts at all for like a week or so until after i recovered from the flu.  my voice still strained though even after a week.  it took like a total of 2 to 3 weeks or so before my voice returned to normal iirc.

- on january 2, 2024.  i finally became an intermediate on move #2 starting on this day.  the strange about this move is on the first year, i did kind of decent on this move, and then on the 2nd year, i did worst iirc, and then more than half a year on the 3rd year which is this day, i finally became an intermediate on this move and still is days, weeks, and months afterward.  maybe i have gotten too old that i performed worst on the 2nd year and have to relearned it for over a year to improve upon it again.

- on april 8, 2024, i improved and become intermediate on move #1 starting this day.  this time for real i think.

- on may 24, 2024, i finally improved and became intermediate on move #3 by this day i think.

on probably may 28, 2024 (can't remember that well), i included doing cartwheel somewhat backward sideway on the left side so hopefully one day, i can do backflip without hands.  like a couple days or several days prior, i watched another short video clip of that same guy that shows viewers on how to do the back flip.  so i copied him and his advice and did the cartwheels on my left side somewhat backward 3 times and i did it quite good with the cartwheels surprisingly.  i plan on doing it again the next time i practice martial arts at the park.  i plan on doing it 6 times per a day on the 2 days i practice martial arts at the park but so far to this day, i haven't went to the park to practice yet mostly because of sleep problems after that day.  a day after that on May 29 was the last time i practice a couple moves of martial arts at the front yard at my new home and haven't since mostly because of sleep problems i was having.

so hopefully tomorrow which is 8 days since i last practice martial arts, if i get enough sleep and not feeling tired, depress, or anything.  i would like to continue practicing martial arts at the park twice a week again.  oh yeah, to this day, surprisingly, i still haven't become intermediate yet on move #10 which was former move #11 before it replaced move #10.  hopefully, i become intermediate on move #10 by next year then.

oh yeah, i think i become a pro on one move which is move #9 since around late last March of this year.  one move i performed worse than last year most of the time after june 4, 2023 was move #4.  on june 4 of last year, i become a pro or near a pro on move #4 but i gotten much worse practicing it after that day on most days afterward which surprises and confuses me.  not sure why that is but i guess it has something to do with my spine i think.  hopefully one day, i get good at it again and become a pro hopefully by next year anniversary.

i would like to add that on the afternoon of september 22, 2023, i discovered the right way to masturbate that it mostly rid of the self-esteem disorder that were cause by the bacteria infections on my private area.  it also reduces the bacteria white spots infections on my private area.  just now (which is over 8 months already since i masturbated the right way), i took a good look at my private area and i could see the white spots on my private area have shrunk quite a lot and they are much smaller now.  it took me about 30 years and 8 months (give or take a few months) to discovered the right way to masturbate to treat the bacteria infections on my private area that gives me self-esteem disorder.

i started to get bacteria infections on my private area about 30 years and 8 months ago after i was being touched inappropriately by a man who was our roommate at our apartment at that time.  he rubbed the tipped of my penis very fast and i wasn't able to pushed him out because he is much bigger and older than me and i was only 8 maybe almost turned 9 years old that time.  i believe the reason why he rubbed the tip of my penis very fast was so i can cum faster before my mom came home.  before i could cum iirc, my mom came home and he let me go so i pulled up either my shorts or pants and ran into my bedroom.  that guy got away with it though.

so a day or 2 or so later, i copied where he rubbed my penis because it made me feel good, and i rubbed the tip of my penis fast too.  because i was uncircumcize, the sperm came out inside the tip of the foreskin (i think that is what its called), and a day or so later, i got spotted dick because of it.  my guess was because the sperm didn't shot out of my penis but came out inside the foreskin, my penis couldn't clean it, as time goes by, like as soon as a day or 2 later, i started getting spotted dick.  i think the sperms became an infection and it grew those white bacteria spot in my penis.  maybe for some days to a week later after i got my first spotted dick, they went away.  maybe the white blood cells or something killed those bacteria infections on my penis.

afterward, like some days to like a week later, the white spotted dick came back and this time they stayed there for good.  the reason for this was because i kept masturbate the wrong way, whenever i ejaculated, the semen came out under the foreskin and it gave me white spots dick bacteria infection.  for a very, very long time, i didn't know i was masturbating the wrong way.  my believe is that unless a male has a circumcized penis, even if he rubbed it the wrong way, he still won't get bacteria infections from it because the foreskin has been cut off though and it won't trapped the semen under the foreskin since it was pre-cut, and the penis could clean it self.  maybe not only that but shower should washed it off though as the shower ran through a circumcized penis.

it took me about 27 years later since i got spotted dick, in either probably february or march of 2020 to try and masturbate differently this time, with my penis foreskin lifted up as i rubbed it.  instead of letting it cum under my foreskin, i let it shot out of my birth canal.  afterward, i washed the tip of my penis, washed the foreskin that was rolled up, and dried it off with a paper towel.  then i pulled the foreskin down to the tip of my penis.  but i still get spotted dick and the spotted dick controls part of my brain cells that control the self esteem i think.  i got self esteem disorder because it and on average it gave me a self esteem disorder of like 8.5 out 10 on how bad it is.

its not until another 3 1/2 years or so later, in september 22 of 2023, i gotten tired of washing and drying my penis after i masturbated that i just let the foreskin stayed rolled-up and let it rolled down by itself naturally.  it took like maybe either about as long as 1 hour to 2 to 3 hours or so later was when the foreskin rolled down to the tip of my penis after it was rolled up from masturbation.  a few hours afterward or so, i could felt my penis felt healthier because of it iirc.  so after that day, i just let the foreskin rolled down by itself after i lifted it up from after masturbation.  at first, usually it took like 1 hour or 2 or so before it rolled down by itself.  then recently nearly 8 months later, it only took like less than a minute to like 10 minutes or so before it rolled down by itself.

usually not long whenever it rolled down by itself, sometimes, i could felt the white spots on my private area shrunk somewhat.  that probably meant the penis is cleaning itself and killing the bacteria infections which are the white spots in my penis.  so that must have meant that cleaning the tip of my penis and under the foreskin with water and tried to wash it off with water won't killed the bacteria infections or the white spots in my penis.  not only that but drying it off with paper towels after washing it won't kill the bacteria infections either.  so the best, optimal, and right way to get rid of the bacteria infections on my penis was to let the foreskin roll down by itself after i lifted it up during masturbation to let it clean itself the right way.

about a month or 2 or so earlier, after i masturbated, there are days when i took a shower before the foreskin rolled all the way down to the tip of my penis, the water and maybe soap travel into the tip of my penis and probably under my foreskin.  the white spots grew back on my penis i think and it gave me some self-esteem disorder.  so lately, i let the foreskin rolled all the way down to the tip of my penis before i take a shower so water and soap for that matter won't get underneath it so the bacteria won't grow back i think.  so around this past 1 to 2 months, there are moments the white spot gives me self esteem disorder and the severity of it was like it crept up to like a 5 out of 10.

this past 15 days or so, after i let my foreskin rolled all the way down to the tip of my penis after masturbation before i shower, the discomfort on my penis has gone down and the self-esteem disorder it gave me has gone down too say like from a 8.5 out 10 for many years ago, to like a 2 or 3 out of 10 lately this past 15 days or so.  now its probably under a 2 out of 10.  maybe 1 out of 10 now.  the white spots on my dick also shrunk quite a lot too.  good news for me.

also, lately this past 15 days, usually it only took less than 2 to 3 minutes for it to rolled all the way down completely to no longer than 10 to 20 minutes usually.

- on march 12, 2024, starting on this night, i think my hips shaking movement has improved somewhat as i tried to practice shaking my hips several times every night on most nights for this past 2 years and 1ish month.  on that night, i can see my hips look somewhat flexible in the mirror in my room in the new house i am living at.  it would be about 2 years and 4 months already today and i can see my hips shake even more flexible by now too.

-on march 14, 2024, after 8 years, 2 months and 1 day of trying to figure out what is my natural gay walk, i still getting cracks on the sole of my feet, especially on both my heels and some on the upper side of the sole of my feet and the sole on the toes of my feet too.  i tried to walk like how a straight person walk and i don't remember much of what happened days afterward but i do remember in around mid april 2024, i got curious and bent my knees some more as i walked and i still get cracks on the sole of my feet.  so since that day, especially may 2, 2024, i tried to experiment my walk by not straightening out my legs as i walk by still letting it bent like that for another month before i tried to straightening my legs again as i walk.  i tried to see if i still get cracks on both the sole of my feet.

31 days later, on June 2, 2024, this time seeing i still get cracks on the sole of my feet, i tried to straighten my legs as i walk this time around to see if i still get cracks on the sole of my feet.  today is june 6 already way early in the morning, so its been nearly 4 days since i changed my walk so its still kind of early to tell if the cracks on the sole of my feet went away yet or not though.  give it like at least another 6 days which will total 10 days to see if the cracks heal up or not.  but i can feel my posture its better now.  especially 1 day after i tried to walk with my legs straighten that i can sit with better posture and i can sit in squat position much better and much longer and there are pretty much no pain as i was in the process of sitting down in the squat position which is on the night of june 3, 2024.