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Author Topic: Greatest. Article. Ever.  (Read 829 times)

Offline Bobs_Hardware

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Greatest. Article. Ever.
« on: January 10, 2002, 04:34:07 AM »
so, i was chatting to my friend.....GRADMAN....yah, anyway he sent me along this story...and i must say...i feel sorry for this guy (sorry/jealous...same things)

this is a guy who won the "Worst Job in Singapore" award...quite prestigious

http://www.studentmagazine.com/thisweek/thisweek_article.asp?articleID=213

Quote
Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo,has set up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.

The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr. Binatang\'s, starting his rounds at 4 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because a lot of the animals have \'morning glory\' when they wake up, and it\'s easier to collect the sperm.

Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he\'d just graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect place to work.

"I never thought I\'d be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning," he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed first. "As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo\'s most famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and sporting a huge erection.

Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About 2 minutes\' worth of squelching noises could be heard before Mr.Binatang emerged again.

Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty,kitty..."

Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous fluid.

"Isn\'t it dangerous?" we asked.

Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.

"They know I\'m not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed, faraway look in his eyes.

Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at 3 pm in the afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the rhinoceros, giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others. "Each animal is different," he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of polar bear spunk.

"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is the most tricky because of the size of its thing... sometimes I have to use both my arms to tug on it."

"As you can expect it\'s really affecting my sex life. I can\'t help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos keep floating through my mind."

How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue.

"It\'s because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over every morning to pull them off," said "Many of them now can\'t be bothered to engage in real sex."

by Kway Png


brilliant....utterly....amazing

Offline videoholic

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« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2002, 04:38:33 AM »
THey had a guy on the radio the other day who collects sperm from elephants.  He has to stick his arm into the elephants ass to stroke his prostate or something or other to get the elephant excited.  

Makes producing and directing a tv show not seem so bad after all.
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Offline Bobs_Hardware

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« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2002, 04:41:16 AM »
i can dig it....suckah

Offline Stupid Mop
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« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2002, 04:50:49 AM »
Thats my dream job
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Offline SER
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« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2002, 05:04:28 AM »
I wish someone would collect from me sometime soon. I\'m getting tired of doing it myself. :o

Offline Stupid Mop
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« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2002, 05:24:13 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by serrano007
I wish someone would collect from me sometime soon. I\'m getting tired of doing it myself. :o


You cumming to New Zealand anytime soon??
A schizophrenic patient will not allow anyone to touch them; not because they would do them some harm, but because they might electrocute them.

Offline nO-One

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« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2002, 06:40:10 AM »
hmmm this gives me and idea

I\'ll buy I ticket to Singapore, buy a monkey suit and sneak my self into the zoo....and voila free hand job every morning
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Offline Delphian
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« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2002, 08:13:37 AM »
Oh man....That is one unfortunate employment situation.

Quote
Originally posted by nO-One
hmmm this gives me and idea

I\'ll buy I ticket to Singapore, buy a monkey suit and sneak my self into the zoo....and voila free hand job every morning


Sorry pal. But I think he\'s been around enough monkey c0ck in his lifetime to tell if it\'s real or not...
Er, excuse me, how much for one of those, uh, prophylactics?..........But I don\'t have a dollar and thirty-five cents!

Offline Bobs_Hardware

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« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2002, 08:24:34 AM »
Bad Joke in....




5...




4...




3...




2...




1...




Wow, talk about spanking the monkey HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OM MY GOD IM SO FUNNY, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA THATS HILARIOUS, HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA

*isnt funny*

:fro: toot on

Offline Clyde
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« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2002, 08:36:09 AM »
and why wasnt i informed of this practice!!?!?!

all i ever got was dozens of needles stuck in my posterior

:mad:
brother, can u spare a nanner?

Offline EmperorRob
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« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2002, 09:04:31 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by nO-One
hmmm this gives me and idea

I\'ll buy I ticket to Singapore, buy a monkey suit and sneak my self into the zoo....and voila free hand job every morning
Yeah I can start saving money now.

If I worked with this dude, I\'d bring a cd player and play "Lets get it on" by Marvin Gaye every morning.
This is America and I can still pay for sex with pennies

Offline Majin Prince
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« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2002, 09:51:48 AM »
:eek: that dood is sick!!! next thing you know he is going to start giving the chimp a blowjob!
Keep it sideways......Initial D style!!!

Offline mm
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« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2002, 10:14:56 AM »
gr0an!  :rolleyes:
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Offline He-Man
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« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2002, 10:55:59 AM »
Dosent the make machines for these things now?
/me should know ;)
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Offline Titan

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Greatest. Article. Ever.
« Reply #14 on: January 10, 2002, 11:44:06 AM »
I saw on the "Man Show" about a turkey um......sperm collector (there\'s another word for it ;) ) and he was describing his job. I\'d hate doing that job every morning. Interesting yet sick and educational article.
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