Sorry, but this board needs some new funny

[videoholic]

Things To Do In An Elevator


1) When there\'s only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn\'t you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How\'s your day
been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That\'s mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It\'s okay,
don\'t panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don\'t exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

[videoholic]

Who Died the Worst Death?   

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.

First man: "I\'d been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn\'t
find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place
I looked was out on the balcony.

I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back
in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he
yelled, but he didn\'t fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,
and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn\'t kill the asshole. He
landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed
him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back into the bedroom and shot myself."

St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this
apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning
exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the
sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,
I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and
holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when
this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and
started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but
he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull
myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my
fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I
landed in some bushes. I couldn\'t believe my second stroke of
luck, but it didn\'t last. The last thing I saw was this enormous
refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and
crushing me."

St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken
bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.

Third man: "Picture this. You\'re hiding, naked, in a
refrigerator..."

I like to hide a tape player in my briefcase of strange noises.

Like:

- A cat meowing
- The sounds of metal giving out "CREEEAAK"
- someone whispering strange things like "I think he can see me"
- quiet chicken clucking


stuff like that

[videoholic]

Wash with holy water   Mark as unread

Four nuns died simultaneously in a car crash and arrived at the
pearly gates. St. Peter asked the first nun, "Have you ever
touched a penis?" "Yes, father," she replied, "I once touched a
man\'s penis with the very tip of my finger." "Swish that
offending finger in holy water," St. Peter instructed, "say a
prayer begging forgiveness, and cross over into the promised
land."

The second nun said, "Yes, father, I once touched a man\'s penis
with my whole hand." St. Peter instructed this second offending
girl to douse her entire hand in the holy water, say two prayers
begging mercy, and proceed to heaven.

As nun #3 approached, nun #4 shoved her aside, "Father," she
shouted, "if you expect me to gargle with that crap AFTER she
dunks her ass in there, you\'ve got another thing coming!"

rofl this is so funny!!! thanks it has brightened my day up!!!

You\'re crazy Videoholic

I liked the desk one !

[videoholic]

That nun joke is the funniest one I\'ve read in a long time.  Me likey.

Originally posted by Videoholic

17) Call out, "Group Hig!"and then enforce it

I love group higs

  <- just about sums it all up. . . doesn\'t it?  Thanks Vids.

Thats some funny stuff Vid, thanx for the lift bud.



Anyone for that group hig?

[videoholic]

Originally posted by project86
Thats some funny stuff Vid, thanx for the lift bud.



Anyone for that group hig?

HEY MM!!!!  If Racer becomes bad again, you have to give him this avatar!!!  That is the best!!!

Proj just made my day!!!

Originally posted by Videoholic


HEY MM!!!!  If Racer becomes bad again, you have to give him this avatar!!!  That is the best!!!

Proj just made my day!!!

Hey bro, anything to be of service to my friend Video!

1 funny thing to do in Wal-Mart.  Over in electronics they have their stereos on display.  Go home make an audio tape of some obnoxious stuff (like a porno soundtrack) but leave 1 minute of dead space at the beginning.  Take that and put in it the stereos at Wal-Mart, turn the volume up all the way, hit play, then take off.

[videoholic]

You are a genius.  Although now days you may have to make a CD.  hehe

[CHIZZY]

if your dog is at the back door whining to get in, and your woman is at the front door, who do you let in?





The dog, at least he\'ll shut up once he gets inside...