Some great jokes...

Take time and read these- they are totally kickass. I also rated them just so you know which is better, IMO. Etc.

Vacation Sex  (4/5)
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband\'s cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways."

Mom took out her latest Harper\'s Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.

-

Saddam\'s doubles (3/5)

"The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in
downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and
says,
\'I have some good news and some bad news.\' They ask for the good news

"Aziz says, \'The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs.\'

"\'And the bad news?\' they ask.

"Aziz replies, \'He\'s lost an arm.\'"

-

What was his name? (3/5)
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, the demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked,"I can\'t hear a word your\'re saying, but I remember the guy your\'re talking about."

-

The survivors (2/5)
Saddam sitting at a table in his underground bunker, enjoying a nice meal of rice and water when his Prime Minister Aziz comes down the stairs holding his hand in a "peace" symbol.
Saddam takes a look at his hand and asks

"What we\'ve won?"

Aziz replies,

"No, we\'re the only two left."

------------------------------

Ize gotz some more. Ill post them if you guys like these.

[Bobs_Hardware]

Don\'t post them.

Oh, and my avatar/sig combo > yours.

[CHIZZY]

yeah bobbo, those two chicks in your avvy are hot.

Tool > A Perfect Circle

Originally posted by JBean
Tool > A Perfect Circle

Indeed.

A Perfect Circle is also a great band though.

[Bobs_Hardware]

Well, I have two pictures from Maynard in A Perfect Circle, one picture of him from Tool, a fibinacci spiral with the words "Spiral out..." written over them (the fibinacci spiral itself being a direct reference to the song Lateralus, in which the versus are sung in the spiral).  The words themselves, and my signature are also from the same song (by Tool).

So nyah, both bands covered

And I\'ll be first in line for the new APC albumn coming out :cool:.. not to mention tickets for their upcoming tour. :thepimp:

*successfully changed topic*

[CHIZZY]

I thought those were pictures of Alanis Morrisette....

not that she\'s hot....

Oh, and my avatar/sig combo > yours.

Bleh, **** you.
Mine is way better, esp the signature.

BTW: APC is not even as close to as good as TOOL. For one thing- they lyrics are just- bleh, IMO they are crap. Dont get me wrong, I have their CD and love it. But they are no where near as TOOL. BTW: Maynard (APC form)is starting too look like Marilyn Manson. :eek:

Apparently TOOL\'s newest cd is going to totally blow away anything. Danny Carey (drummer, my personal favorite, being a drummer myself) even has a new custom made "drums". Its going to be kickass.

[Bobs_Hardware]

Originally posted by Spudz

Bleh, **** you.
Mine is way better, esp the signature.

How can you even begin to compare the brilliance of Lateralus with Aenema? Lateralus is about evolution of the self, about awareness of your spiritual side.  Aenima is simple; it\'s all surface level.  It\'s along the lines of Hooker with a Penis, and not even at the same standard as most of the other songs on Aenima, netherlone Lateralus (the albumn).

Bleh.. damn kids

BTW: APC is not even as close to as good as TOOL. For one thing- they lyrics are just- bleh, IMO they are crap. Dont get me wrong, I have their CD and love it. But they are no where near as TOOL. BTW: Maynard (APC form)is starting too look like Marilyn Manson. :eek:

There\'s nothing wrong with Manson.  And Maynard looks cooler with the wig, IMO.

And APC rock.  How can you dislike their lyrics?  Orectes is amazing.  Though they\'re obviously on a different level to Tool (not as much depth), but thats understandable.

Apparently TOOL\'s newest cd is going to totally blow away anything. Danny Carey (drummer, my personal favorite, being a drummer myself) even has a new custom made "drums". Its going to be kickass. [/B]

I didn\'t even know they had begun working on the new albumn.  Isn\'t Maynard still working with APC at the moment?

First of all;

How can you even begin to compare the brilliance of Lateralus with Aenema? Lateralus is about evolution of the self, about awareness of your spiritual side. Aenima is simple; it\'s all surface level. It\'s along the lines of Hooker with a Penis, and not even at the same standard as most of the other songs on Aenima, netherlone Lateralus (the albumn).

Bleh.. damn kids  

Where did I say aenima was better than lateralus? No where. Personally I prefer Undertow to them all, of course it is my opinion.

Second;

There\'s nothing wrong with Manson. And Maynard looks cooler with the wig, IMO.  

I never said there was anything wrong with Manson, if you look around youll actually find out Im a huge fan of him. I just my 2nd copy of Antichrist Superstar about an hour ago. After losing my first one.

I didn\'t even know they had begun working on the new albumn. Isn\'t Maynard still working with APC at the moment?

Its alot like a side project, heard of it?
I can list lots of band members that have side projects.

And yeah- they had some \'jam sessions\' together. If someone even read their webpage :rolleyes: JK. But yeah- they are working on it as I type this.

[Jumpman]

Um...The Beatles>*insert band name here*

Secondly, Lateralus is a great album. Aenima is a great album. It\'s futal to debate which one is better as they are both amazing in their own way. Each have about 5 or so beyond amazing song on each.

Before I go further...

Lateralus=Lateralus, Parabol/Parabola, Schism, Ticks And Leeches

Aenima=Aenima, H, Hooker With a Penis, Stinkfist, 46 and 2(or is this on Undertow?..)

In my mind that\'s A vs L right there and A wins by a hair.

Oh, and A Perfect Circle sucks. They\'re lyrics may be amazingly deep and meaningful, but they come off as just noise to me. I\'ve tried to get into them a vast amount of times but failed on each occasion.

Edit-some great jokes...wtf...

[Bobs_Hardware]

Originally posted by Spudz
First of all;

Where did I say aenima was better than lateralus? No where. Personally I prefer Undertow to them all, of course it is my opinion.

I was referring to the songs, not the albumns.    You claimed your sig was better, I assumed it was based on the song it was from.

Undertow is great as well.  

I never said there was anything wrong with Manson, if you look around youll actually find out Im a huge fan of him. I just my 2nd copy of Antichrist Superstar about an hour ago. After losing my first one.

And I never said YOU said there was anything wrong with Manson.  Just pointing out that there\'s nothing wrong with it.

Its alot like a side project, heard of it?
I can list lots of band members that have side projects.

I would consider APC a fully fledged project, not just something he does on the side.  At least after it became so popular.  

And yeah- they had some \'jam sessions\' together. If someone even read their webpage :rolleyes: JK. But yeah- they are working on it as I type this.

:thepimp:

Lateralus=Lateralus, Parabol/Parabola, Schism, Ticks And Leeches
Aenima=Aenima, H, Hooker With a Penis, Stinkfist, 46 and 2

46&2 is on Aenima.  And will people stop mis-spelling the song "Aenema".

Secondly, it\'s "futile" to list any songs from their albumns, because they\'re all masterpieces.  Personally, I prefer Lateralus, The Grudge, The Patient, Disposition/Reflection/Triad and Schism over anything on Aenima (with the exception of Eulogy and Pushit).

In my mind that\'s A vs L right there and A wins by a hair.

They\'re the only songs you like?

Though, Aenima does have one advantage in that the songs are shorter (on average), so they had more space on the CD to fit all the crazyness in inbetween the songs.  Intermission :cool:

Oh, and A Perfect Circle sucks. They\'re lyrics may be amazingly deep and meaningful, but they come off as just noise to me. I\'ve tried to get into them a vast amount of times but failed on each occasion.

Just noise?  Pfft.

[Jumpman]

They\'re the only songs you like?

Yep. I\'m not a big fan of some of their 10 minute snore fests like some of the songs you mentioned.

[Bobs_Hardware]

Originally posted by Jumpman

Yep. I\'m not a big fan of some of their 10 minute snore fests like some of the songs you mentioned.

Too bad for you.  I think the Disposition/Reflection/Triad trilogy is their masterpiece.

Stirs up so many emotions to just close your eyes and let it overwhelm you.  

Perhaps one day you\'ll be able to appreciate them.  

[Jumpman]

I don\'t appreciate boring songs.