Alright, unless your 12 years old or a die-hard Hellboy fanatic, how the hell (no pun intended) can you like this movie?
This and The Hulk are two of the worst comic book to big screen movies made. Now let me explain why...
From the beginning of the movie, the acting was just horrific! Holy crap my eyelids are sore from all the eye rolling I had to do just to get through that beginning sequence with all the piss-poor written dialogue and cliches on top of cliches. Man I just can\'t describe how bad the acting was, even from Selma Blair who usually puts on a good performance... I just couldn\'t take her character seriously at all. That part when she wanted to get all fired up (no pun intended) and was like, "Hit me!"... Give me a freakin break, that is so incredibly lame...
Speaking of the dialogue, it was so bad... I swear a sixth grade class wrote this up, and I cannot believe you guys liked the one-liners... A movie that had good one-liners was with Bruce Campbell and Army of Darkness because they were unique and original; these were corny and embarrassing to just sit and have to hear.
"Second date; no tongue"
Stupid, corny, gay.
As for the sequence with the 9 year old kid giving HB dating advice, that was so obvious and I saw that line coming from three miles away....
Perhaps the last straw was when HB was fighting one of the many hell dogs (which were the only villains throughout the movie, very boring) and some woman just happened to have a box of cute little kittens in a subway that needed to be rescued... I COULD HAVE SEEN SCOOBY DOO 2 AND SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR TITTIES.
Now I have never even heard of Hellboy until this movie, and let me explain the character himself...
HE IS A RED HULK.[/size]
No cool powers or anything, just big and red, and is strong. Oh, he has these magic charms where he can bring the dead back to life also. As for the actual personality, it isn\'t that bad, it\'s the whole "lone-wolf" approach which goes well with superheroes, but I never really appreciated HB because of that piss-poor dialogue Ms. Smith\'s 5th grade English class wrote for him. The best lone-wolf heroes are ones who don\'t say anything at all (i.e. Spawn) or very little.
What was up with that incredibly annoying blue-fishey thing? Can you say, "A blue C3PO"? He was like Jar Jar Binks on crack. Pathetic.
Selma Blair\'s character was so linear. Her power was kickass, but the individual was so bland. And that scene when she was a child getting rocks thrown at her was so stupid, I think thats the only part where I felt entertained.
That FBI agent, I can\'t even remember his name he was such a pussy, couldn\'t act if his miserable life depended on it.
The only ray of sunshine was the guy with knifes. He was cool, and the only reason I felt like staying awake.
Now for the story... It wasn\'t complex, I understood pretty much every detail. But lets be realistic. It was stupid. It is a very stupid story. If a movie has a "portal" (a.k.a. easiest escape route for a crappy plot), chances are it is going to suck.
I hated this movie, and if you have a soul, you will too.
