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Author Topic: Share Your Joke 2004!  (Read 4176 times)

Offline Paul2

  • Breath of the Earth
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  • PSN ID: jokermit
Share Your Joke 2004!
« Reply #60 on: September 21, 2004, 04:40:58 PM »
What I Want in a Man

Original List:
1.   Handsome
2.   Charming
3.   Financially successful
4.   A caring listener
5.    Witty
6.   In good shape
7.   Dresses with style
8.   Appreciates finer things
9.   Full of thoughtful surprises
10.   An imaginative, romantic lover.

Revised List (age 42)
1.   Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2.   Opens car doors, holds chairs
3.   Has enough money for a nice dinner
4.   Listens more than talks
5.   Laughs at my jokes
6.   Carries bags of groceries with ease
7.   Owns at least one tie
8.   Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9.   Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10.   Seeks romance at least once a week.

Revised List (age 52): 1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
Doesn\'t drive off until I\'m in the car
Works steady -- splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when I\'m talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
Remembers to put the toilet seat down
Shaves most weekends.

Revised List (age 62):
1.   Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2.   Doesn\'t belch or scratch in public
3.   Doesn\'t borrow money too often
4.   Doesn\'t nod off to sleep when I\'m venting
5.   Doesn\'t re-tell the same joke too many times
6.   Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7.   Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8.   Appreciates a good TV dinner
9.   Remembers my name on occasion
10.   Shaves some weekends.

Revised List (age 72):
1.   Doesn\'t scare small children
2.   Remembers where bathroom is
3.   Doesn\'t require much money for upkeep
4.   Only snores lightly when asleep
5.   Remembers why he\'s laughing
6.   Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7.   Usually wears clothes
8.   Likes soft foods
9.   Remembers where he left his teeth
10.   Remembers that it\'s the weekend.

Revised List (age 82): 1. Breathing 2. Doesn\'t miss the toilet.

Offline Paul2

  • Breath of the Earth
  • Legendary Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 5873
  • Karma: +11/-0
  • PSN ID: jokermit
Share Your Joke 2004!
« Reply #61 on: September 21, 2004, 04:43:28 PM »
Work or Prison

IN PRISON ... you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON ... you get three free meals a day.
AT WORK ... you get a break for only one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON ... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK ... you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON ... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK ... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

Offline Paul2

  • Breath of the Earth
  • Legendary Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 5873
  • Karma: +11/-0
  • PSN ID: jokermit
Share Your Joke 2004!
« Reply #62 on: September 21, 2004, 04:46:41 PM »
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it but unfortunately, the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what\'s wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don\'t worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again. He hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves and repeats this again and again and again until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says ... It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

 

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