Yea I’m not waiting, I’m not even sure if I want her back. It’s strange, I go back and forth in my mind, and weighting out is she worth it, is her family always interfering worth it, lisa freaking out over kids that aren\'t her responsability, jealous of chicks talking to me, and is her emotional blackmail crap worth it. I really rather have a chick that is straight with me, tells me to fuck off when she\'s pissed off. Doesn\'t need me to pull her close to know i love her and isn\'t demanding things like children and marrage by a certain date. That should happen when it happens, not take to long though. Lisa and I were different, we started dating at a young age so i wasn\'t ready for marrage and children until now, was schooling and barely working etc.
Can I really trust that she\'s changed even if she says she has?! If I was as bad as she makes me out to be, surely we wouldn\'t have been together for 10 years, but then on the flip side, she could say the same for her. Everyone tells me that I’ll look back and be like thank god that happened, dodged a bullet etc, after all. It runs in her family, not mine. But atm I’m too foggy to see anything clearly. I don’t expect her to come back, even if she did. I’d have a hard time trusting her again. She won\'t even talk to me on the phone or face to face over the house issues (only one time a mcdonalds) its all been emails. Disconnected as much as possible. Yet, shes meant to be this brand new woman that\'s tough, its not hard to talk on a phone and just about everytime we do talk, theres a new reason why we broke up. Now i won\'t even bother asking why, theres just no point.
I just don\'t understand it, if she doesn\'t love me, then surely talking on the phone wouldn\'t be a issue. She\'s even disconnected herself from calling our house, well our house.. instead she calls it the kooweerup house. Its like a switch has flipped and she has decided to act as if its not even half hers.
To me, its like she\'s forcing herself out of this relationship. That whatever her problem is with me can\'t be fixed or even talked about, she said she tried to talk about it, but not once did she ever say we have a problem in our relationship. Only in looking back do i see bits and pieces of hints she made that there was a problem (in her emotions and some strange comments) but it was a 50-50 street, she didn\'t communicate properly to me any issues she was having. Anytime she did i made the effort to make her happy.
The last problems she had with me was she wanted me to go to a dance with her, now she knows i don\'t dance. So i said i\'d slow dance with her and she was fine with that. She also wanted me to get involved in the building side of the house (talk to the builders if problems come up) and as soon as i tried she got pissed off at me. She complained that she has barely any friends at one point, they never called her or barely did.
They invited her out for weddings and stuff like that but she barely if ever heard from them again. i told her to call her friend christine one day in my car, she replied that christine doesn\'t bother to call her, so why should she call christine. I said if u don\'t make the effort she won\'t either. That goes with all her friends.
She turned around on a monday and told me she does have friends (on the phone) i asked if i was invited and she said no, it was during her day off. (she was angry that i didn\'t make effort towards her friends, i replied that she barely has any, which she herself said earlier) Her not having any friends wasn\'t my fault. She could have easily made the effort and caught up with them whenever she wanted. I wouldn\'t stop her.
I also asked her to join martial arts with me, she said no, she\'s not into that. Now she\'s doing it too. Its like she\'s now doing everything i already told her to do, and even when i tried to do what she wanted i\'m still a asshole. She complained that she had no hobbies, i told her to start one, she was going to start painting when we got into the house. When we went to philip island i didn\'t really wanna go, but i went because she wanted to go, she choice the hotel room which was not to bad, but the spa was crap. Sometimes compromise is not always 50/50, i went there for her. Still, she didn\'t seem to notice or it was to late for her to care. I donno, just doesn\'t seem like the lisa i know. Beautiful, caring, giving person. Now she\'s a totally different person. Cold as Ice.
Damned if i do, damned if i don\'t.
it fucken sucks caring for someone who doesn\'t seem to care for you.
This has changed me, i\'ve seen a lot of mistakes i\'ve made in my relationship with lisa. Mainly not putting in effort on her family and friends, but it was hard with her family when half of them told her to dump me before i even got to know them. Her aunt anna told her to dump me because i wasn\'t working, (lisa lived with me 2 years and didn\'t pay a cent, my parents never told me to dump her) her aunt enza told her to dump me for god only knows why, i built this chick a pc, 1 year later if fucks up and she blamed me for it. Thats the kind of shit i was getting tired of, helping people like that and getting kicked in the nutz for it. I got along well with frank, probably because he\'s a aussie. I love the guy, was a great man and i\'ll miss him more then any of lisa\'s other family members.
