I\'m entering the hardest fight of my life

Luc, has she started something big in her life?

Has she just gotten out of college and started a job, or maybe started school?

Alot of times guys who have been in heavy relationships with one girl for a long time go through a period with their woman when she goes through a heavy time.

She may have met someone she is secretly infatuated with, but has no real plans of carrying out anything with that person.  Or, she may be testing you.  It may not be a conscious test, she may really feel she needs space, but, deep down it may be a test.

In any case, if you know this girl, care about her, and know she really cares about you, you will not seem like you are begging her to come back if you call her once or twice every week.  Let her see your sensitive side! (If ya have one! )  And don\'t let anyone tell you you are acting like a wuss.  ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE IN LOVE!!  There are NO wuss plays if you are in love.  NONE.

DO NOT listen to people who tell you to blow her off if you are in love with this girl and know she feels the same.  Only do so if you know 100% that she is moving on.  Make sure it is a sure bet that she is moving on with her life.  Last time something like this happened to me, the first time, I knew the girl still cared about me so I stuck it out.  The second time, uh-uh, it was over, baby.  I moved on.  But, I was absolutely, 100% sure that she was moving on with her life.  I talked to her one last time to break up with her, and haven\'t seen or talked to her in 5 years.  End of story.

The good part is is that you can fall in love again.  Don\'t feel like you can only fall in love once in your life.  That ain\'t the case.  Just know, if this was the only girlfriend you\'ve had, say high school sweethearts, there are definitely OTHER women out there.

To sum up,

1.)  Understand what she is going through.  She may need some growing space, and is seeing if you really are the guy for her.  If so, she is coming back, trust me, especially if you let her know you CARE ABOUT HER!  I know, it goes against everything we men live by, but, these are desparate times indeed!  You need to tell her you care if you think she may be coming back.  Not calling her is a mistake.

2.)  If you are 100% sure she is for real and not coming back, MOVE ON.  But, let me make this crystal clear, MAKE SURE FIRST!!

Either way, talking to her will be the ultimate decider.  Without communication, you will never know.  CALL HER YOU LUMMOX!!  Find out!

PS- Remember what I said--- If this is the woman you love and you want her back that bad...YOU WILL NEVER MAKE A WUSS PLAY!!  Do not harden your heart and let her bounce off of you!  It will backfire really fast, and really messily!

Good luck!!

Christ man, I\'m sorry for you. I went through the same thing with a girl I KNEW was my soulmate- she said the same thing to me...then just left. I really, really loved her- loved her for her. A beautiful person she was, inside and outside. When she broke my heart, I went into oblivion. Yet here I am, after 4 or so drug rehabs and a lot else. You stick in there Luke. I hope you the best.

Kituka

[nO-One]

Sorry to hear this man
Don\'t know what else to say,I would give her some time.But you also need to get over it.If she comes back that everything is good.But if your to hopeful it\'ll just become harder in time.

Originally posted by JerginsSoft
Luc, has she started something big in her life?

Has she just gotten out of college and started a job, or maybe started school?

man, you hit the nail on the head. she literally just did this! she just started her career a few days after she left me.

You hit the nail on the head Lucas Biggins,when you said about just wakeing up tomorrow and not loveing her.Her feelings carnt change over night,so maybe you need to find out if she was just saying that she loved you,do you think she has been feeling like this for along time.



p.s when i read the title to this thread,i thought you was going to be entering the ultimate fighting championship or something LOL,sorry just trying to cheer you you.Anything i can do to help just give me a shout.

Man.. that sucks man, sorry to hear that. I\'m only in 9th grade but I\'ve had a similar situation like this.. probobly not as bad but I was with this girl for the past 3  years... and then we got into the highschool and the trick said "we shouldn\'t be together anymore" I know you feel like **** but you will get better after awhile unless your friends are right and she will come back but i know mine didn\'t... girls are so confussing.. god you never know what they\'re gonna do next... anyway i hope everything turns out okay and yu dont end up like me...

Ryu\'s GF: Ryu figured I can probably give some sort of advice.

Ok, so here\'s what I think...Is she the only one you\'ve been out with?  Are you the only person she\'s gone out with?  If so, she might feel surpressed, like she hasn\'t looked around enough for THE guy.  An uncertainty like that can cause her to feel like it wouldn\'t be fair to you if she finds out that she\'s not really in love with you.  I mean marriage is something she probably doesn\'t want to back out of.  I know I would want to be married to one person all my life.

For you to crack and call her up to "make sure" that she\'ll be keeping your word doesn\'t sound like you trust her.  The whole separation thing could be a test she wanted to conduct, to see if you trust her well enough to leave her alone for so long.  Maybe she wants to enter a job that would need her to travel for x number of days/weeks and she needs you to trust her enough to pursue that job without worrying about her you worrying about her.  I tested Ryu this summer by going across the Pacific for a month.  He couldn\'t crack because I was never in one place too long.  Plus he doesn\'t know how to ask for me in my language!  Thank god there\'s email! [Ed. Note:  It sucks to be apart without contact, believe me, I know. -Ryu]

Anyways, you said that she acts on impulse.  She probably had an impulse to leave.  Then again, she\'ll probably have an impulse to come back to you.

I have a feeling that you\'re a fighter, a strong fighter [Ed. Note: A starfighter! -Ryu].  And I can tell that you\'re up to do anything to get her back.  Screw waiting for a few months!  That\'s too passive.

Here\'s what I think you should do.  Ask her why she doesn\'t want to be with you.  Apologize for breaking apart and calling her up.  Tell her, straight out or poeticly, about how you feel [Ed. Note: It works better then you think. -Ryu].  Describe the type of future you see with her.  Promise her that you\'ll change, the best you could, whatever about you displeases her.  Express what you\'d go through for her (walk through fire, jump a cliff, something to that effect) to save her life.  Beg if need be.  Buying her something might work, but if she\'s the kind of person who won\'t be bought back, create something.  Whittle a rose for her, have little kids sing your and her song to her, draw a portrait of her, scrapbook and doodles of her, letters, you get the idea.   [Ed. Note: Translation, be whipped. -Ryu] All this might sound desparate, but aren\'t you?  DON\'T you EVER be ashamed to be desparate when it comes to this.  This is about the person who\'s keeping your sanity and emotions glued together.  Without that glue, you\'d be in a loony bin.  All in all, think of the song "To Really Love a Woman" by Bryan Adams.

If she gives you a valid reason, in your opinion, to break up, stay friends even though that\'s the hardest kind of friendship to harbour.  She\'s a person who practically knows you inside and out.  The only other person who knows you like that are probably your siblings if you have any or  your parents (believe me, they know more than you think), but she\'s the only one you can really turn to with your problems or thoughts.  Being friends with her will cause a little less pain then being without her at all.

Six years is a long time to break in a significant other.  (five years with Ryu has been a difficult, yet satisfying road) After what you go through and the number of years with just one person can add up the heartache, should there be any hurt  (think of it as years and mileage).  It can the basis for her to come back to you too.

Well, I wish you all the luck that you need, all the hope every human being has, and all the strength and love every couple has built.

Much love and hugs,
Ryu\'s GF

Quote:  <>

Exactly my point.  I know a guy that went through this exact problem.  He\'s been dating her exclusively for years and they are the only two people they have ever dated.  She became infatuated, or had a crush on, another guy.  She realized, without doing anything rash of course, that this guy was not all he was cracked up to be.  She came back to him.  I offered the same exact advice.  WAIT--she is coming back.

This doesn\'t always turn out to be the case, but alot of women I know, when it comes to big changes in their lives, feel that they have to change ALL aspects of their lives.  That means, you guessed it...YOU.

Perhaps Ryu\'s woman is correct, she wants to give all parties a fair shake and is making sure she wants you.  That\'s good and all if its a healthy spreading of her wings.  A little flexing so to speak.  Is she moving out of her parent\'s house?  This could add to her complex.  She just wants to be free for a short time.

Trust me, she feels the same as you; empty.  Trust me.  Unless something serious has been going down between the two of you, she still cares.

As far as her saying she is done with you, I feel she has said this in anger--in response to your initial reaction.  She wasn\'t expecting a backlash like that from you, wasn\'t used to not hearing from you and probably wanted to return the favor.

Ryu is also correct.  THINK.  Do not make impulse decisions on what to do.  If you need to, it may be a little retarded, but, practice what you want to say and think of possible responses.  The BEST thing to do is be prepared.

Obviously you need to do what you think is right, and all I can do is offer you advice.  I hope it works out for you.

I know from personal experiences that this situation sucks at first, but whatever you finally decide will ultimately be the right decision.

Good luck, bro!

It gets tiresome hitting the same thing over and over anyways... Move on and find a girl thats really good in bed before you get serious....

[nO-One]

Originally posted by Mac1
It gets tiresome hitting the same thing over and over anyways... Move on and find a girl thats really good in bed before you get serious....

Wow that\'s really showing consern for your fellow poster:rolleyes:.Keep in mind that he\'s feeling miserable right now and these kind of comments don\'t help.

hey Mac1 screw you!


Anyways everyone, thanks again for all your help. I\'m fighting so hard not to call her. Now that I have had a few days to mull this over in my head I really don\'t know what I\'m gonna do. I still believe that she will realize that she loves me but I don\'t want to get stuck waiting for her.

When I talked to her last she really confused me. saying things like "i love you but im not in love with you" and "i dont wanna lead you on but maybe well be back together" and "i just dont want you in that way anymore"

I dont know what to think because she did this in such a half ass way. Almost like she was trying to be strong but it really sounded to me like she was just as confused as I am. All I know is she is the type of person to do something like this. She has allways been like this. she gets bored of things easily and she ALLWAYS has never really known what she wanted. I was always the one thing she never got bored of. I guess all I can really do is give it time. If she comes back or not, either way its gonna take time. keep the advice coming everyone. you are helping more than you know.

I wasnt tryin to be funny im serious

A few months back I had a girlfriend I was madly, deeply in love with, and for awhile, she was with me. It wasn\'t six years, it was actually only a few months, but it was deep, and I remember those times fondly. But she was the same way. When she left me, I felt like you did. The best thing to do is just avoid thinking about her. If you keep thinking about her, especially if you\'re really in love, you\'re just going to cause yourself needless pain. As ddaryl said, don\'t ignore her, but keep contact to an absolute minimum. I did that for a few months, and now I can talk to her without feeling bitter or hurt. It will undoubtedly take you longer, but that\'s the best way I know how to deal with this.

[Living-In-Clip]

I had a GF of 3 years who done this off and on . It was hard, but I had to end up moving on. Now, I\'m glad I did, I met someone else who is terrific.

You can\'t just shut your emotions off, but you can\'t sit and dwell on her either. If you do, it won\'t get any better and it will only get harder. Best thing to do is, go out, have fun. Stay busy and occupied, so you don\'t have so much time to think about her. Then when you are ready, try and meet other girls.

Then again, like Ryu\'s GF said this may be a test on her part. Who knows. Either way, you can\'t keep breaking down and calling her  / depending on her. Give her the space she requested and act like it doesn\'t bother you.