It\'s the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife is at the hospital
in labor having their first child.
He rushes to the hospital, and goes to his wife\'s side. She has already had the child. He goes to the nursery to
see the baby.
He spots the name on a crib and motions to the nurse. She points at the crib and Joe says, "Yes, he\'s my son."
The nurse picks up the baby and drops it on the floor.
Joe is aghast. The nurse says, "Don\'t worry." She picks up the baby and slaps it hard across the face several
times. Joe turns white in horror as she throws the baby across the nursery. Joe is about to faint as she holds the
baby by it\'s testicles and swings it around her head.
Joe screams, "Stop you\'re kiling my baby!!!!"
The nurse responds, "April Fools... It was born dead..."
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A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on
the floor.
"Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?" asked the barber.
"Don\'t be so stupid, I\'m only three!!" said the girl!
----------------------
This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.
He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you
come in my car."
To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I\'ll come in your mouth!"
--------------------
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife\'s bedroom.
"Kid\'s......there\'s good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother\'s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It\'s steak and chips for dinner!"
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These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits
down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs. Hhe says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you\'re
hungry, too. Why don\'t you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat\'s been dead for days, he\'s all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don\'t feel so good. I think there
might have been something wrong with that cat."
And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested
and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you\'re talkin\'! It\'s been months since I had a
WARM meal!!!"
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Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they\'re walking along they see a little shack. They run up to
it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The first man tells the lady about their
situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you **** me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree\'s to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack,
leaving the first man outside. The women says, "**** me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she will close her
eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, ****s her with it and
throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the gentlman and his
friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "**** the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."
-----------------
A guy walks into a whorehouse and tells one of the girls he wants a blowjob. The girl takes him to a room and
proceeds suck him off without a condom. While she does so, the guy sees a half-full bucket of sperm beside the
bed.
He disregards the strange site as he enjoys the best blowjob of his life. A second later, he shoots long lines of
semen into her mouth. She takes every drop, but instead of swallowing, she spits the cum into that damned
bucket.
The guy wonders aloud, "Don\'t like swallowing spuzz, huh?"
She wipes her mouth and replies, "Another girl and I have a bet. Whoever fills up a bucket first gets to drink both
buckets."
----------------
A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by and the girl mumbled, "Please, sir, give me some
money for a fix."
The man answers, astonished, "Good heavens! But, how old are you, little girl?"
"I\'m eight, sir."
"Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?"
"Since I was raped, sir, when I was four."
"RAPED?! And who raped you, little girl?"
"I don\'t remember, I was drunk."
---------------
After many years at sea, John returned to his home village while on leave. He hadn\'t had a woman for may years
and was desperate.
He immediately searched for a brothel. After searching, he finds a suitable establishment.
After entering the brothel, he asks the madam how much for a woman.
\'£100\' she replies
\'I can\'t afford that, I only have 50p\'
\'I\'m sorry sir but we have nothing for as little as 50p\'
\'But please help me.. I\'m desperate... I have been at sea for many years.... I need a woman... any woman!\'
The lady thinks for a moment and grins to herself.
\'Well if you are that desperate... go to room 23 down the hallway.\'
Grateful to the madam, he searches for room 23.
He finally finds the room and enters. Inside he discovers the most grotesque woman alive. Spots on her face,
greasy hair etc.
\'How do you want me luv?\'
\'Errr, on your back with your legs in the air!\'
When she lays on her back and parts her legs, he is horrified to see crabs running in between her legs.
\'Yuck, I ain\'t doing that\'
\'Well, I can turn on all fours!\' she replies
\'Ok\' says the man and immediatly she gets on all fours.
\'Oh my god... you have **** all over your arse.. that\'s sick\'
\'Well there is one more way we can do this.\'
\'Is there?\' he asks
\'Yeah...\' and she removes an eye from its socket. \'Stick your **** in there... go on!\'
He places his **** in the empty socket and starts pumping hard.
Minutes later he orgasms violently.
\'That was fantastic... how \'bout you?\'
\'Great... when will you be in town next?\'
\'In about 2-3 years time!\'
\'Great, I\'ll keep an eye out for you then!\'
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