~Funniest Joke Competition.~

[Bladez]

I thought to myself and read it in newspapers what is the funniest joke in the world?  I mean we all have a different since of humour...so what is the funniest joke you have ever heard or read?  Come on give it your best shot you only get to tell your best joke that you think is so damn laugh out loud funny you\'d think we\'d sit here and laugh out loud too!  So let\'s hear them men and women.

I heard this on the radio last week.  I didn\'t think the funniest joke was that funny... humerous, but I didn\'t actually laugh at it.

"My dog has no Nose!"

"How does he smell?"

"Horrible"

*Dies laughing*

I probably shouldn\'t bother posting a real joke in here. Anymore of my usual humor so soon after the last two joke threads will probably get me banned from this lovely "Family Oriented Site".

:rolleyes:

[Bobs_Hardware]

Jar O\' Pickles (great name) threatened to post these in another thread a LONG time ago but didnt cos he thought they might have been in bad taste...but this thread is dead...so i thought i\'d post them as i thought they were hilarious, and love telling them to my friends (they work especially well in person if you are laughing too hard to actually say them and you have to really try to spit them out

What\'s red white and silver and bumps into walls?
a baby with forks in its eyes

Whats the difference between a shower and a dead baby?
you cant **** a shower

Whats the difference between a fridge and a dead baby?
you cant fertalize your lawn with a fridge

whats the difference between a tin can and a dead baby?
cant eat a tin can

whats the difference between a basketball and a dead baby?
a basketball bounces back when u slam it on the ground (my personal favorite)

whats the difference between a public toilet and a dead baby?
i have a hard time taking a **** on a public toilet

i cut out a few that werent really funny...

if ive offended anyone...eh, i dont care  :P

OK, here it goes:


##RaCeR## and I were walking down a dirt road next to a field out in the country. A few miles down the road we saw a sheep with its head caught in the fence trying to eat the grass on the other side.  Well I was drunk & horny so I started having SEX with the sheep!!!

I turned to ##RaCeR## and said "Hey man, you better get some of this action while it\'s still good!"
And so...
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HE STUCK HIS HEAD IN THE FENCE!!!!!!:eek:

[Bobs_Hardware]

bah!  that was my story!  i told it to you weeks ago when it actually happened!  gaaah!  how dare you tell stories of my beastiality and racers homosexuality and try and pass them off as your own!

Originally posted by Bobs_Hardware
bah!  that was my story!  i told it to you weeks ago when it actually happened!  gaaah!  how dare you tell stories of my beastiality and racers homosexuality and try and pass them off as your own!

Did you really?  I love that joke... I\'m not trying to pass it off as my own, but neither should you. (It\'s an old joke)

I think this joke was actually in that article you read, but i find it really funny.

I cant remember it exactly but ill try.


Two guys are hunting in the woods when all of the sudden one of the guys has a heart attack.  The other guy takes out his cell phone and calls 911.  He gets the operator and tell her the situation.  She tells him to calm down, she will walk him through this.  

operator: Now, first, you must make sure that he is dead.

Ok, the man replies....A loud SHOT is heard in the background by the operator.

Ok, the man says, what next?



btw: the joke for canada was extrememly lame. did you read it in that article?

What\'s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don\'t know and I don\'t care.

*Credit to another member on another forum*

After working 23 years on wall street bob has had enough and decides to retire and move to the isolated wilderness of western ohio.After a full 6 months of seclusion in his cabin he get\'s a visit from his closest neighbor from 5 miles away.                                   >                "Hi im jethro from down the road.I thought i\'d come down and invite you to a party at my place this weekend."I\'d be delighted"bob replies.                                                                      >         jethro say\'s "well I should warn you there\'s gonna be some heavy drinkin"  "Hey I worked on wall street for 23 years.Believe me I can drink with the best of them".                       >"o.k. Well theres gonna be some fightin"   "oh I\'m not worried about that I get along pretty well with most people".bob replies    >"Theres gonna be some wiiilld sex"."alright!" say\'s bob "I\'ve been cooped up here by myself for 6 months I could sure go for some of that!" "So tell me what kinda clothes should I wear?"       > "Hell wear anything you want It\'s just gonna be the two of us"

Theres a husband and wife lying in bed, the husband is reading a magazine while fingering his wife, the wife turns to her husband and says so love your horny, do you want some sex, the husband replys with no im just wetting my fingers so I can turn the page.

why did the woman cross the road ? who gives a **** why wasnt she in the kitchen.

whats the connection between a womans pussy and the mafia ? a slip of the tongue and your in the ****.

That is all for now.

[Bladez]

What do you get when you have 3 blondes lined ear-to-ear?

A wind tunnel.

Why was the tomato embarrased?

He saw Salad dressing.:rolleyes:

I sing like an amputee.  I can\'t hold a note, can\'t carry a tune--BloodHound Gang

Well theres 3 construction workers, and one of thems Korean, the construction manager on duty comes over and assigns each of them a job telling them if they dont do it right, theyre all fired.  he tells the first guy thats hes in charge of concrete duties, tells the second guy hes in charge of piling all of the dirt, and he tells the Korean guy hes in charge of the supplies.
He comes back at the end of the day, looks at the first guys job, nods in approval and says good job. he goes to the second guy, nods in approval and says good job.  he then looks around and says wheres the Korean guy??
right then the Korean guy jumps out from behind a wall throws his hands up and yells... SUPPLIES!! :nut:

theres 3 muffins in an oven, the first one says is it hot in here or is just me? :cool:  the second one says no its hot in here :burn:  then the third one looks at them and says AAH! :eek:  talking muffins!

[videoholic]

Originally posted by Bladez
Why was the tomato embarrased?

He saw Salad dressing.:rolleyes:
[/I]

Hey, I take offense to that joke.

Why do blonds have bruises around their belly buttons??

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Because blond guys are stupid too.