~Funniest Joke Competition.~

As we all know, tarzan was all alone in the jungle for a number of years, and got into the habit of pickin out a nice lookin hole in a tree, and screwin it.  now Jane, heard of tarzan and wanted to go find him in the jungle, so she left and headed over there, when she finally found him, he was in the middle of a good humpin with an oak tree, at first she was appalled, but soon got turned on and  layed down and offered himself to him.  he looked at her, ran over and kicked her as hard as he could in her crotch. :eek: now after she was done screaming she yelled wut the hell did you do that for he replyed
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 "tarzan must always check for squirrels"  


ok so its not that great but hey its my kinda comedy

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party. So he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. But Batman said Robin was ill and that he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman\'s apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs wide open.

Superman thought to himself "I\'m faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex and out again before she knew what was happening."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said "Did you hear anything?"

"No," said the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts like hell!"

Bill Clinton dies and goes to Hell.  Satan takes bill down a hallway and says, "Let me show you what you\'ll be doing for eternity."  He opens a door and inside is Jesse Jackson naked on his back on the floor, spread-eagled with his arms and legs tied down.  Monica Lewinksy is giving him head.  Bill says, "I think I can handle that.  When do I start?"  The Devil says, "Right now.  MONICA, TAKE A BREAK!"

I saw this one a while ago and thought it would go well in this thread.


One day, three guys went flying  in a small airplane. For a joke,  they dropped an apple out the window.
When they landed, they saw a man laughing heartily. They asked him, "What\'s the matter?" The man replied, "An apple came out of nowhere and hit me on the head!!"

The next day, they went flying again. This time they dropped a banana out the window. When they landed, they saw another man laughing like crazy! They asked him why he was laughing. He replied "A banana came out of nowhere and hit me on the head!"

The following day, they decided to drop a hand grenade out the window! After they landed, they were amazed to see a man laughing uncontrollably! They asked him "What\'s the matter?" The man replied, "I farted and that 7-Eleven blew  up!"



:nerd:

What do you call a blonde thats been sitting in a cabinet?
                     The 1984 Hide and Go Seek Champion
 
This is my personal favorite joke... What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
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A Quarter-Pounder with Cheese  

Now that\'s old school.


How about this one...

What do you call an Ethiopian with an afro?
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Q-tip.


:fro: "who you callin Ethiopian b**ch!"

[CHIZZY]

how many f*gs does it take to put in a light bulb?





just one.....


























but it takes a whole emergency room to get it out!

[Cerberus]

Q. What has 3 legs and lives in the country?
A. Paul Macartney and his girlfriend.

Q. What has 4 legs and goes sssshhhhhhh?
A. Rod Hulls TV set.

[CHIZZY]

After a month of staying on his uncle Jim\'s farm, city boy Billy was quite bored. So after seeing his nephew mope around for a few days, uncle Jim handed him a shotgun.
Billy says "what\'s this for?"
Uncle Jim says with a wink,"why don\'t you take my huntin\' dogs into the woods and see if you can\'t scares yerself up some fun..."

Well after about 3 hours Billy comes back grinning ear to ear.
"well boy," says uncle Jim, "you manage t\' have some fun after all?"

"Did I ever!" says Billy. "Got any more dogs?"

English football joke

Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and Freddy Mercury were up in heaven. One day God came to talk to them. He said "If you could go back down to earth as any one person, who would it be"
Marilyn said "Madonna"
James said "Tom Cruise"
Freddy said "Marc Goodlad"
"Who\'s that?" asked God
"The port vale goalkeeper" replied Freddy
"But why would anyone want to go back as him" God asked, "He\'s not very popular or well respected is he?"
"True" said Freddy "but every week he\'s got 10 arseholes in front of him and 2000 dicks behind him!"

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but when that\'s done, the fridge and the microwave are broke.

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that\'s a hardware problem

Originally posted by The Stapler
How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that\'s a hardware problem

WORD

Originally posted by The Stapler
How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but when that\'s done, the fridge and the microwave are broke.

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that\'s a hardware problem

Hey now, I know how to screw in a light bulb friend. Its that the d*mn television that keeps on shorting out though, not my fridge!:D

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a teenage boy with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.   The boy\'s hair was yellow and green and orange and purple.  He had black make-up around his eyes.  The old man just stared at him.  The boy said, "What\'s the matter old man, haven\'t you ever done anything wild in your life?"  

The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have.   I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot.  I was just wondering if you were my son."

I\'m pretty sure I\'ve told this on the forums but its great

Two condoms are walking past a gaybar, one condom says to other "wanna get sh!t faced"