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Author Topic: Latest Essay, please read it!  (Read 905 times)

Offline Seed_Of_Evil
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Latest Essay, please read it!
« on: March 08, 2002, 05:04:52 AM »
Here you are mates my last essay. I have to send it on Monday, so please, read it and change what you think is not correct...


Science Magazine

United States develops a new “weapon”

Nocturnal – eyeglasses is the name of a new invention of USA Government for his army. Actually, it is not a firearm. It is a gorgeous object that has been demanded by elite armed forces for many years ago.  Gabriel Hood, from Science Magazine America, interviewed Mr Jackson, the leader of the investigation, and here you are the summary of the meeting:

Nocturnal – eyeglasses, said professor Jackson, is one of the best inventions made for army in years. About eleven years ago, my researching team and I were asked for develop some kind of device for our soldiers in order to supply an enhanced sight in adverse situations. Truly, Government wanted some type of adapted binoculars for dust. It was just a couple of months before Persic war and we knew that it was impossible to create a new device in only ten weeks.

The project was rejected but three years later, in 1994, an idea came to my mind. I was in the dinning room together with my wife, and watching her eyes I noticed that the best way to improve eyes was lens. I told it to Hideo Yamauchi next morning, an excellent Japanese scientist of NASA department. Hideo told me it was a nice idea but impossible of accomplishing. In order to insert some kind of technology in lens we needed special techniques called “Nano-Technology”. This technology would allow us to insert electronic parts into eyeglasses. As you know, nano-technology has not been developed till 1999 and even today, scientists work heavy to make advances in this field.

Since December in 1999, Army Department and NASA began to work together in this project: we had the technology, the scientists and the money provided by Government. More than a hundred people worked hard to create this new invention. Development took about one year and half. We had problems, tech obstacles, setbacks and lack of money resources. But thanks to Mr Yamauchi and his brilliant team, we finished our “nocturnal – eyeglasses” two months ago.

Perhaps, people cannot understand clearly how they work and what they are prepared for. These lens, as other common eyeglasses, fix vision problems in eyes. We have made special ones that allow see in the dark. They also work the same as normal eyeglasses: soldiers put themselves in the eyes and they make possible to see in total darkness.

This invention erases the problems of our soldiers when they have to intervene in special night operations where darkness plays an important role. Since now, night operations of Special Forces will not be a disaster like they were in 1991 war. USA army will be able to see the enemy but not vice versa. I would also like to remark that we are thinking about implement new features and functions to these electronic glasses, like infra-red detector or environment information with temperature, altitude and weather indicators.

“Nocturnal – eyeglasses” are not ready to market the world, not even in USA, where enemies would buy them. For the time being, they only will be used in the army. Anyway, I do not think people would be able to purchase a set of them. The price is not popular indeed!  

Science Magazine wants to thank Mr Jackson and Army Department for the interview and the information offered about this new invention for all our readers. Nocturnal – eyeglasses will be an useful device for army and we are convinced that it will become in an indispensable element of future wars.
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

Offline project86
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« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2002, 08:54:20 AM »
I made some changes to your essay. Just check it out and see what you think.


Science Magazine

United States develops a new “weapon”

Nocturnal – eyeglasses are the name of a new invention of USA Government for their army. Actually, it is not a firearm. They are a technological advancement that has been demanded by elite armed forces for many years ago. Gabriel Hood, from Science Magazine America, interviewed Mr. Jackson, the leader of the investigation, and here is the summary of the meeting:

Nocturnal – eyeglasses, said professor Jackson, is one of the best tools developed for the army in years. About eleven years ago, my researching team and I were asked for develop some kind of device for our soldiers in order to supply enhanced vision in adverse situations. Truly, the Government wanted some type of adapted binoculars for dust. It was just a couple of months before the Persian war and we knew that it was impossible to create a new device in only ten weeks.

The project was rejected but three years later, in 1994; an idea came to my mind. I was in the dinning room together with my wife, and watching her eyes I noticed that the best way to improve the eyes was with lenses. I talked with Hideo Yamauchi (an excellent Japanese scientist of NASA department) the next morning about the idea. Hideo told me it was a nice idea but impossible to accomplish. In order to insert some kind of technology in a lens we needed special techniques called “Nano-Technology”. This technology would allow us to insert electronic parts into eyeglasses. As you know, nano-technology has not been developed till 1999 and even today. Scientists work heavily to make advances in this field.

Since December in 1999, Army Department and NASA began to work together on this project: we had the technology, the scientists and the money provided by Government. More than a hundred people worked hard to create this new technology. Development took about eighteen months. We had problems, technical obstacles, setbacks and lack of funding. But thanks to Mr. Yamauchi and his brilliant team, we finished our “nocturnal – eyeglasses” two months ago.

Perhaps, people cannot understand clearly how they work and what they are prepared for. These lens, as other common eyeglasses, fix vision problems in eyes. We have made special ones that allow see in the dark. They also work the same as normal eyeglasses: soldiers put themselves in the eyes and they make possible to see in total darkness.

This invention erases the problems of our soldiers when they have to intervene in special night operations where darkness plays an important role. Since now, night operations of Special Forces will not be a disaster like they were in 1991 war. USA army will be able to see the enemy but not vice versa. I would also like to remark that we are thinking about implement new features and functions to these electronic glasses, like infra-red detector or environment information with temperature, altitude and weather indicators.

“Nocturnal – eyeglasses” are not ready to market the world, not even in USA, where enemies would buy them. For the time being, they only will be used in the army. Anyway, I do not think people would be able to purchase a set of them. The price is not popular indeed!

Science Magazine wants to thank Mr. Jackson and Army Department for the interview and the information offered about this new invention for all our readers. Nocturnal – eyeglasses will be a useful device for army and we are convinced that it will become in an indispensable element of future wars.
\"I post, therefore I am...\" - project86

Offline Seed_Of_Evil
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« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2002, 10:58:06 AM »
Thanx a lot my friend. You don\'t know how much you help me with your rewrites. ;)
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

Offline project86
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« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2002, 11:01:13 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Adan
Thanx a lot my friend. You don\'t know how much you help me with your rewrites. ;)



Glad to be of service friend.;)
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Offline Seed_Of_Evil
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« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2002, 11:19:49 AM »
I\'ve a question mate: in the third paragraph, in the end we have:

As you know, nano-technology has not been developed till 1999 and even today. Scientists work heavily to make advances in this field.

My question is: can I write it this way?: As you know, nano-technology has not been developed till 1999 and even today, scientists work heavily to make advances in this field.

Can I?
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

Offline project86
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« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2002, 11:21:34 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Adan
I\'ve a question mate: in the third paragraph, in the end we have:

As you know, nano-technology has not been developed till 1999 and even today. Scientists work heavily to make advances in this field.

My question is: can I write it this way?: As you know, nano-technology has not been developed till 1999 and even today, scientists work heavily to make advances in this field.

Can I?



Good catch man, I think that sounds better. Make the change.;)
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Offline Seed_Of_Evil
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« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2002, 11:24:05 AM »
OK, sentence changed. :p
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

Offline videoholic

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« Reply #7 on: March 08, 2002, 12:45:38 PM »
I am going to base mine off of Project\'s essay:

The first setence: If Nocturnal-eyeglasses is the name of the product then you shoule use \'is the name\' instead of \'are the name\'.
Nocturnal – eyeglasses is the name of a new invention of the USA Government for their army.

Actually you are changing back and forth between singular and plural the whole first paragraph.

Actually, it is not a firearm, but more of a technological advancement that has been demanded by elite armed forces for many years. Gabriel Hood, from Science Magazine America, interviewed Mr. Jackson, the leader of the investigation, and here is the summary of the meeting:

The second paragraph isn\'t bad except you should say \'were asked to develop\'  also, you use useless words a lot to start sentences, such as your \'Truly,\'.

About eleven years ago, my researching team and I were asked to develop some kind of device for our soldiers in order to supply enhanced vision in adverse situations. The Government wanted some type of adapted binoculars for dust. It was just a couple of months before the Persian war and we knew that it was impossible to create a new device in only ten weeks.

first sentence, you don\'t need the semicolon.  Parenthasis should be commas.  The sentence starting with \'In order\' changes from present to past tense.  The sentence starting \'as you know just doesn\'t make sense.

The project was rejected but three years later, in 1994, an idea came to my mind. I was in the dinning room together with my wife, and watching her eyes I noticed that the best way to improve the eyes was with lenses. I talked with Hideo Yamauchi, an excellent Japanese scientist of NASA department, the next morning about the idea. Hideo told me it was a nice idea but impossible to accomplish. In order to insert some kind of technology in a lens we need special techniques called “Nano-Technology”. This technology would allow us to insert electronic parts into eyeglasses. As you know, nano-technology has not been developed till 1999 and even today. Scientists work heavily to make advances in this field.

Again you are mixing tenses again in the first sentence.  Since December doesn\'t go with began.  Is that suppose to be a quote where you say \'we had the technology....."?  and why are you now putting nocturnal eyeglasses in quotes, but you weren\'t doing it in the first couple of paragraphs.  You should be consistent.

Since December of 1999, Army Department and NASA has begun to work together on this project. we had the technology, the scientists and the money provided by Government. More than a hundred people worked hard to create this new technology. Development took about eighteen months. We had problems, technical obstacles, setbacks and lack of funding, but thanks to Mr. Yamauchi and his brilliant team, we finished our “nocturnal – eyeglasses” two months ago.

I had a tough time through the whole piece knowing what you were writing and what was suppose to be a quote since you didn\'t have anything in quotation marks.  That\'s all for now.
I wear a necklace now because I like to know when I\'m upside down.
 kopking: \"i really think that i how that guy os on he weekend\"
TheOmen speaking of women: \"they\'re good at what they do, for what they are.\"
Swifdi:

Offline Seed_Of_Evil
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« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2002, 01:01:37 PM »
Videoholic you\'ve done a great job again. Thnax a lot my friend. I hope you and project86 help me when I have to write an essay. They\'re so important in my career and your help has not price.

Thanx both. Thanx friends.

(Videoholic I agree in all your points, and I\'ve fixed all them, except the "Truly" words, I believe there are only a couple of them :p )
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

Offline videoholic

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« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2002, 01:07:16 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Adan
except the "Truly" words, I believe there are only a couple of them :p )


I remember the days when I had to reach so many words.  Yawn...  SO long ago.
I wear a necklace now because I like to know when I\'m upside down.
 kopking: \"i really think that i how that guy os on he weekend\"
TheOmen speaking of women: \"they\'re good at what they do, for what they are.\"
Swifdi:

Offline Seed_Of_Evil
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« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2002, 01:11:21 PM »
:rolleyes: :fro:
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

Offline project86
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« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2002, 01:11:55 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Videoholic


I remember the days when I had to reach so many words.  Yawn...  SO long ago.



Wow, I have successfully helped out another human being today. Now I may rest easy once again.:D
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Offline Seed_Of_Evil
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« Reply #12 on: March 08, 2002, 01:16:34 PM »
You can project86, you can. I hope thet next time I post an essay thread you cab rest easy too. :D :D
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

 

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