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Author Topic: Your Daily Horoscope:  (Read 1156 times)

Offline Tom
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« on: April 28, 2002, 12:11:54 AM »
ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don\'t give a f*ck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn\'t care less. You\'re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you\'re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you\'re a neurotic schizophrenic. A real f*cking weirdo, the type of person who\'d kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You\'re an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative\'s limbs to buy a
mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you\'re prone to bull****ting and you\'re a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don\'t bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered c*nt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You\'re a prick.


;)
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Offline kopking
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2002, 08:31:59 AM »
whats the point of this????? its not funny at all
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The drunken, Liverpool supporting, bad spelling, Simpson loving, known as the drunkest of the spaminators, from England
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Offline The Stapler
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2002, 10:57:54 AM »
I thought it was hilarious! ;)
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Offline Luke
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Re: Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2002, 11:34:58 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by Tom G
ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don\'t give a f*ck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn\'t care less. You\'re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding



sounds about right!
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Helloski.
Offline Tom
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2002, 11:47:39 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by kopking
whats the point of this????? its not funny at all


I put it here so everybody could laugh at themselves. Intrestingly enough, at least one thing about your horoscope tends to be true, which makes it even funnier.;)
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Offline kopking
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2002, 11:56:36 AM »
sorry dude, if it was harsh, but i had a hang over........
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The drunken, Liverpool supporting, bad spelling, Simpson loving, known as the drunkest of the spaminators, from England
without alcohol, life would suck! pray for Mojo
beer,solving all your problems & helping ugly people have $ex since 1862.
Offline Tom
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2002, 12:00:34 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by kopking
sorry dude, if it was harsh, but i had a hang over........


Nah, not harsh at all. What sign would you happen to be?




Quote

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You\'re an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative\'s limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

Sounds like me, alright. :D
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Offline kopking
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Re: Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2002, 12:05:28 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Tom G

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You\'re a prick.


;)





well thats me, but to be honest its not really like me at all
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The drunken, Liverpool supporting, bad spelling, Simpson loving, known as the drunkest of the spaminators, from England
without alcohol, life would suck! pray for Mojo
beer,solving all your problems & helping ugly people have $ex since 1862.
Offline QuDDus
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Re: Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2002, 12:39:03 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Tom G


CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You\'re an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative\'s limbs to buy a
mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

;)


The first part is absolutely correct the second part is totally wrong. I would never cross my family over money.

Quote

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You\'re a prick.



This has to be 100% true every pisces I know acts that way.
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Offline The Stapler
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2002, 02:10:14 PM »
I\'m a scorpio, and they got the part about picking my nose right!
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Offline Troglodyte
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2002, 02:14:38 PM »
I like these better:

-----(From theonion.com)-----
 
Aries: (March 21—April 19)
You foolishly disregard the old saying about buying pigs in pokes, explaining that the pokes were cunningly disguised as blankets.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
The philosophical revelation that a container cannot contain itself will inspire you to develop a revolutionary new type of container.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Your plan to have children by the time you are 35 will go awry when you\'re shown a cute picture of a Weimaraner puppy in a bucket.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
The stars are sorry, but writing the poems of Theodore Roethke on lampshades doesn\'t make you an artist.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Doctors will cite your habits of smoking, drinking, and eating fatty foods as the primary source of your happiness.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
You will soon have reason to question the moral, ethical, and intellectual motivations behind your choice of long-distance carriers.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Love, adventure, and laughs will not come to you, but they will come soon to a theater near you.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
America will one day view sexuality in a healthy way, but until then, there are those Chippendale dancers.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
Your efforts to come to an understanding of the world will result in your creating a polytheistic religion based on the worship of megaliths.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Marshall McLuhan once said schizophrenia may be a consequence of literacy. Avoid this by sticking strictly to watching TV.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
Your theory that language is instinctive rather than a learned behavior would be more interesting if you communicated in anything but grunts.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
You don\'t claim to know everything, but you\'re pretty sure that the illustrations in Gray\'s Anatomy shouldn\'t make you hungry.
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Offline luckee
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Re: Re: Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2002, 02:57:17 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by LUKE



sounds about right!


ditto..this is too much..a fellow midwesterner AND an fellow aries... wanna goto bed? :D
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Offline SwifDi
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Re: Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2002, 08:28:56 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Tom G


LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.



:laughing:

Bingo!
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Offline project86
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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2002, 04:38:25 AM »
I have never taken much time to think about what some astrologer thinks my date of birth brings to my fortune or future. I say that anybody who reads the stars or seeks advice from the sun or moon needs help. But that is just a personal thought. If they want to… feel free, it’s your life.;)
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Offline Living-In-Clip

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Your Daily Horoscope:
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2002, 05:50:15 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by project86
I have never taken much time to think about what some astrologer thinks my date of birth brings to my fortune or future. I say that anybody who reads the stars or seeks advice from the sun or moon needs help. But that is just a personal thought. If they want to… feel free, it’s your life.;)



Did you even read the posts? They are not actual horoscopes. It is joke horoscopes.
Geeze.

:rolleyes:
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