-How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
-Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
-Because a woman who can\'t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
-Why do women have smaller feet than men?
-So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
-When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
-How do you fix a woman\'s watch?
-You don\'t. There is a clock on the oven.
-Why do men pass gas more than women?
-Because women won\'t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
-If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
-The dog of course. At least he\'ll shut up after you let him in.
-All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
-I married Miss Right.
-I just didn\'t know her first name was Always.
-I haven\'t spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don\'t like to interrupt her.
-Scientists have discovered a food to diminish a woman\'s sex drive by 90%.
-It is Wedding Cake.
-Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
-Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
-Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What\'s on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
-In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
-Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
-Two Mothers-in-law.
-Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn\'t know his wife until he marries her?"
-Dad: That happens in every country, son.
-The most effective way to remember your wife\'s birthday is to forget it once.
-Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.!!!!!
