318. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they\'re ****ed.
319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
320. Q: Why is the blonde\'s brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
323. Q: What\'s a blonde\'s idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
324. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver\'s test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
325. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occur around the home?
A: She moved.
326. Q: What\'s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don\'t have to worry about blowing their brains out.
328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her
husband\'s car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn\'t know how to cook them.
330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling \'green side up\'?"
"I\'m sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
sod across the street.
331. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1 had more on her body than on her mind?
2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn\'t have a crazy
cat?
10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn\'t get taller
girls?
11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just
know I\'m going to have a girl, \'cuz I conceived while I was
on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine\'s going to be a
boy, \'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,
"Uh-oh! I\'m going to have a puppy!"
333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal
checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
baby concieved ?"
"He was on top ", she replyed.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
334. Blondes...
They take a lickin\', and keep on...
Lickin!
335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
referred to her ears?
336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter,
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His
boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can
you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the
boss\'s positive comments he finally agrees.
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can
practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How
much for a box of rubbers?"
"They\'re $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display
and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
340. Another blonde in the porno shop:
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I\'ll take the black one. I\'ve never had a black one
before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the
black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I\'ll take the white one. I\'ve never had a white
one before..."
She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much
are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that\'s a very special dildo...it\'ll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I\'ll take the plaid one, I\'ve
never had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy\'s boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was
gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white
dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde
he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to
replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and
right before drinking it, herealizes his manhood is still pretty hot,
so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks
in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
342. Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers\' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor\'s cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed \'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you\'re out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
