The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some
of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollars pipelined through
Washington by designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics," as a
language tobe taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this
language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from
the Hickbonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage:
Heidi, Hire yew?"
BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage:
"My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is
Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an\' left
$20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from
Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain\'t herd from him in munts."
THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah
thank ah\'ll have a bare."
BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and
yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah\'ll have a bare."
IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage:
"Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight\'nin\' bolts. Usage: "I
thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my
brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope
my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from
Jawjuh don\'t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing\'s
gonna catch far."
TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother
of mine from Jawjuh don\'t git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin\' and the
creek don\'t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."
RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at
age 65."
FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle
or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat\'n, n\' ah\'m gonna whup
y\'uh."
RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We
Southerners are willin\' to fat for are rats."
FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand
a wurd he sed...must be from some farn country."
DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He\'s did, Jim."
EAR - (noun) - A colourless, odourless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He
cain\'t breathe...give \'im some ear!"
BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay
away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that
my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence
cump\'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze
ignert. He ain\'t thanked but a minnit\'n\'is laf."
SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain\'t never
seed New York City... view?"
GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them
gubmint boys shore is ignert."
