A guide to newbie boozers 1) You\'re packing your gear for New Year\'s Eve - you\'ve got your silly looking plastic hat, your saucy table bombs with naked women printed on \'em and that dodgy looking rocket you payed a fortune for - and now all you lack is planning your last trip to the SuperMarked for the enormous amount of booze that is required in order to have a bloody horrible time....7
White Wine - everyone knows that white wine is for wankers and that the hang-over one receives from drinking it is bloody awful....of course, that\'s the only remotely interesting thing about it - so if you\'re hang-over craver go for it!
Red Wine - pretty much the same thing can be said about red wine, however, it tastes somewhat better so have a bottle or two.
Beer - beer is great....as long as it\'s not from Britain, mind you! And the best thing about beer is that when you drink it after your 2 bottles of wine it amplifies your drunkeness 10 fold....about 12-15 beers should do the trick.
Vodka - now, there comes a time during the night where you get really tired - others will probably call it \'utterly mind-numb-****ingly plastered\', but pay no heed to such coments! - and you wanna \'wake up\' a bit there, and that\'s what the vodka is for; Mixed with orange juice it has a most lively effect on your, by now, less-than-working brain...of course, you go for the old \'charlie\' but I wouldn\'t wanna tell you to do anything elegal there, so vodka is definately the thing!
2) Behaviour: If you\'ve followed these simple guide-lines you should be really unpleasantly drunk by now....if not: keep drinking! You should have a really dodgy appearance and others will try to avoid you. Maybe you have a bit of vomit oozin\' down your belly - I don\'t care if it\'s not your own - and your dancing gets really unattractive....try grasping some of the girlie\'s arses - the booze has rendered you numb so you wont feel it when their huge boyfriends start beating the crap out of you....a bit of blood only adds to your pathetic appearance!
Tomorrow you\'ll have the shittiest time ever....and that\'s the hole point....the bad conscience, the immense pain and the momentary chills will make you whine all day, saying pathetic stuff like: \'I\'ll never do it again!\' or \'O how my friends must hate me now!\'.
Vincent.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have fun.
Topic: A guide to newbie boozers (Read 739 times)