Here is an email I thought I would share.....
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn\'t say a
word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow
as
best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came
back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas
cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at
the
photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had
captured
my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld (go figure)
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women\'s type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him
and said, "I think I like playing with men\'s balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I\'m just looking at your
nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that
if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don\'t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy\'s pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were
screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up
to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine
her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out
for
all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER
SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like
tone, a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It
was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and
she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept
thinking,
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don\'t have any clothes
with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn\'t have an accident?"
"No,"
he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell
was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down
his
pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT\'S JUST
FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing!
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better by thanking me for the best laugh they\'d ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before
she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don\'t get any....a true
story...We
had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed
and didn\'t, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where\'s that 8
inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the
set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
