Time out for some jokes

[Paul2]

Why it is good to be a man?

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don\'t give a rat\'s ass if someone notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work... more pay.

11. Wrinkles-add character.

12. You don\'t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it\'s in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you\'re talking to them.

16. New shoes don\'t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30. You don\'t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.


:beer:

The wrinkle thing is definitely true.

[Viper_Fujax]

no periods and no giving birth are the only things i need to think about if i want to be thankful im a guy. the other stuff is just icing on the cake.

[clips]

those aren\'t jokes those are just true facts about bein a man...:fro:...a joke is...your mother is sooo fat, she gotta iron her clothes in the drive way!...badum pshhh!

your mother mouth is sooo big when she smiles her ears get wet!...

your mother so fat when she gets on the scale it states to be continued!...

see those ^^^ are jokes albeit lame or whatever, but jokes nontheless...

What do you call a black man in the airplane cockpit?

A pilot, you fucking racist.

[clips]

^^^^birds of a feather....heh i like this guy!...

[CHIZZY]

At recess, three second graders meet by the slide. One is Korean, one is white, and one is black. They decide to compare the size of their urinary equipment.

The Korean shows off his first. Then the white guy pulls out his, and the Korean is shamed, but not by much. Then the black unzips his pants and the Korean and white stare in shock at the size...

Later that evening, the black is at home and his mother asks him if he learned anything at school that day. He says "well, I learned that I have a bigger dick than white and Korean boys. Is that because I\'m black, Mom?"

His mother replies, "No, Son, it\'s because you are 17."

[Paul2]

LOL you guys, pretty funny jokes.

A bear walks into a bar and sits down.

He says to the bartender: I\'ll have a rum...............and coke.

Bartender says: Why the big pause?

Bear says: I\'ve had them all my life.

[Paul2]

Some funny Questions and Answers.

1.Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

2.Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: "What Men Know About Women."

3.Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One ... men will screw anything.

4.Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

5.Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don\'t know .... it\'s never happened.

6.Q: What is a man\'s idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

7.Q: What\'s the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: E.T. phoned home.

8.Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do better.

9.Q: What are the two reasons why men don\'t mind their own business?
A: 1. No mind. 2. No business.

10.Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: Because you don\'t know when it\'s coming, how many inches you\'ll get, and how long it\'ll stay.

11.Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

12.Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and Filthy but wearable."

13.Q: Husband: "I don\'t know why you wear a bra, you\'ve go nothing to put in it.".
A: Wife: "You wear briefs, don\'t you?"

[CHIZZY]

You Fag!

[Paul2]

Eh, it wasn\'t my jokes.  I just copy and paste it from a different forum.  Some of these jokes aren\'t that funny but I ran out of good jokes.

Here are more jokes....

Some major funny ifs.

1.If it\'s tourist season, why can\'t we shoot them?

2.How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

3.Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

4.Why is abbreviation such a long word?

5.Is it true that cannibals don\'t eat clowns because they taste funny?

6.Experience is what you get when you didn\'t get what you wanted."

7.Why do you need a driver\'s license to buy liquor when you can\'t drink and drive?

8.Why isn\'t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

9.Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

10.If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

11.If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

12.If you\'re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

13.Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

14.Why is it that when you transport something by car, it\'s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it\'s called cargo?

15.You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can\'t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

16.Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

[Cerberus]

At recess, three second graders meet by the slide. One is Korean, one is white, and one is black. They decide to compare the size of their urinary equipment.

The Korean shows off his first. Then the white guy pulls out his, and the Korean is shamed, but not by much. Then the black unzips his pants and the Korean and white stare in shock at the size...

Later that evening, the black is at home and his mother asks him if he learned anything at school that day. He says "well, I learned that I have a bigger dick than white and Korean boys. Is that because I\'m black, Mom?"

His mother replies, "No, Son, it\'s because you are 17."