Another update: so later that day on august 6, i went to a hand therapist and he massaged my left hand where i got the torn ligament which should have been healed up by now. afterward, he gave me 2 pages of like 7 pictures of thumb exercises to do at home twice a day and he showed me how too. He also braced my thumb with something like a bandaged. like 1 or 2 days later, i don't use the bandage brace for my thumb anymore probably because my thumb felt more comfortable without it. i also did the 7 ways of thumb exercises like the pictures shown for twice a day for like 15 days is when i became suspicious the instructions on the pictures to do the thumb exercises doesn't help me get rid of the pain but cause more pain and i might injured it. Because its been 15 days already and the bone on my left thumb still aches and probably aches more. So i stop doing the thumb exercises for 1 day and the ache reduce somewhat. if i remember correctly, the ligament below the lower right side of my left thumb doesn't hurt anymore but the bone on my left thumb does hurt though from continuously doing the thumb exercises twice a day for 15 days straight.
During those 15 days, i also was appointed to see the hand therapist twice a week for him to give me hand massage therapy and do other thumb exercises there too. On the 3rd time i see him if i remember correctly, i acted weird and smile like there is something funny as he was talking and he was probably referring to me when he said that wasn't funny. by that he meant that wasn't funny so why was i laughing.
the next day after that, my mom took me to this restaurant where the manager of this restaurant is a bully, that i didn't bother going in to his restaurant to eat but i went to a nearby restaurant to eat instead. my mom ate at his restaurant though. when i finished eating at a nearby restaurant, i went in to the bully manager's restaurant to wait for my mom to finished eating there. i also see the bully manager there too and i don't like him because he like discriminated against me years prior when i never did anything to him but he gave me contaminated drink or food or something like that. its his workers that gave me the contaminated coconut to drink but he is the manager so he is probably in charge and ordered his workers to do that to me. I also remember he gave me an angry look as i entered his restaurant that time. Again, i don't know him and i didn't do anything to him but he gave me an angry look and was probably the one behind contaminating the coconut for me to drink. i drink it for like 2 to 3 times, then i don't want to drink it anymore, so my mom said she is going to drink it and she did. i was surprise my mom drank it all. i kind of feel sorry for her and i was and still am angry at the bully manager and his workers.
So this time after waiting for my mom to finish eating, we both left the restaurant. the next day i see the hand therapist again which is the 4th time i see him, after he messaged my palm and my thumb, he massaged all the way up to my arm and he rubbed it really hard and it hurt my arm. this is the first time he rubbed my arm and rubbed it really hard. my arm wasn't injure so why did he rubbed my arm for and rub it hard to injure it? that time i thought maybe its because the previous time i was there, i was smiling about something not funny and i thought he was being hard on me because of it. that time i was dumb not realizing i didn't do anything to him so why did he hurt and injured my left arm for? i also didn't make the connection the day prior where i see the bully manager at the restaurant that i didn't do anything mean to the manager either that contaminated my coconut drink years prior and i didn't bother eating at his restaurant this time.
so this hand therapist bullied me by rubbing my arm really hard just because either i was smiling about something that is not funny and/or that i didn't like the bully manager? i have the right to not like the bully manager because he discriminated against me in the first place when i didn't do anything mean to him either years prior.
when the hand therapist gave me hand massage, one of the things he did was he bent my thumb toward the bottom of my pinky finger and he told me to hold it. that was sneaky of him wording it like that, i thought when he said hold it, he meant to use my other hand to hold my left thumb toward my left pinky finger but when i did that he said hold it in place which mean leave my left thumb bend toward my left pinky finger. he was being sneaky to not say leave it bend like that but instead said hold it to make me not suspicious of what he is trying to do.
If he said leave it bend, i might become suspicious of what he is trying to do. no wonder my left thumb aches when i leave it bend toward the bottoim of my pinky finger for like 10 seconds long. i didn't realize that until a day after the 5th time i saw him when i still do hand exercises at home twice a day and i still feel my left thumb ache and ache more after 15 days is when i become suspicious. so i stop doing hand exercise for one day and some of the ache went away is when i realized i been trick.
so the 6th time i see him, coincidentally was the last time i had an appointment with him, i refused to let him do me hand massage and i select what kind of hand therapy i wanted to do with by myself that doesn't hurt my thumb. i also showed his co-worker a montage pic of bush looks like a monkey comparison and she laughed when she saw it. i also show it to the hand therapist too and he said he seen it before and the other guy he is doing hand therapy to at that time said doesn't that what most republicans look like. i agreed inside me.
so when i was done with the comfortable hand exercises that i gave myself, i said bye to the hand therapist and he told me to make sure i tell the receptionist to cancel all future appointments i have with him and i said today was the last day i had an appointment and i didn't make any new appointments with him, so do i need to tell the receptionist to cancel it and he said since i didn't make any new appointments, i don't need to tell her that. at least he was nice enough to remind me to cancel all appointments with him just in case. so i left and said bye and he said bye back.
during that time, i still take 10 mg of zyprexa and its reduce some of the accents with some of the english word with the letter Rs but not completely though. After taking the real zyprexa for like 3 weeks or so and i still have a slight accent with some of the english word with the letter R. it led me to believe if i taken 20 mg of it, it might rid of my accent completely or at least nearly completely. so the next time i saw my psychiatrist, i asked her if she can double the dosage of zyprexa to 20 mg and she kindly did and i did manage to take it for like 8 days and after 8 days, it made me too sleepy and it doesn't seem to be the real zyprexa or something if i remember correctly that i called my social worker if she can asked my psychiatrist if i can go back to 10 because 20 mg makes me too sleepy and she did.
Edited: Actually now that i think about, i think i didn't ask her if she can prescribe me 20 mg of zyprexa but i asked her if i can take two 10 mg of zyprexas from the left over pills that i still have left. i have like 16 pills of 10 mg of zyprexa in my current bottle that time. She said i can if i don't sleep too much, if i sleep too much again, i can go back down to 10 mg. i actually didn't call the social worker about it when i started to sleep too much after about 8 days later that i just go back down to 10 mg like the psychiatrist said.
that was probably around september 2018. in late december 2018, my left thumb still ached somewhat and i wasn't sure if the ligament that ached or the bone in my thumb ached, so i let my left thumb rest for 5 days straight before using it again for like washing dishes and playing video games. i think the reason why its still ache is because i try to fix the bend of my left thumb by either bending back and forth to correct it from the damage that was cause by the hand therapist and the 15 days of me doing thumb exercises for twice a day back in august. me trying to correct it by overdoing it by bending back and forth, i think i made it worst somewhat. after 5 days of letting it rest, i believed the ligament below the lower right of my left side healed up completely a long time ago since late july or early august of 2018 and it doesn't ache but the ache comes from the thumb, possibly from the bone in the thumb.
even now that i think about it, i wonder if it will make any difference if i let it rest for 1 more extra day to make it 6 days of rest instead of 5, but i doubt it. So late last year, i learned from experience to not bending it forth to correct it and then probably worry i bend it forth too much that i bent it back to correct that i overdid it. so i tried to stop doing that and 3 months later, most of the pain on my left thumb is gone. i crack my left thumb with my four left fingers usually and it feels good too since late december of last year. to this day, i can still feel a bit of ache in my lower left thumb but its very bearable that i don't mind much.
in march of this year when i see the psychiatrist, i asked her if she can increased my zyprexa to 20 mg to reduce my social anxiety disorder, paranoia, and reduce to rid of my english accent with the letter r and she said increased to 15 mg first to see if i still sleep too much before moving up to 20 mg. i totally agree with her and its safer that way.
after 1 week of taking 15 mg of zyprexa, i can speak some english words with the letter r with lesser accent than before and sometimes no accent too. i feel happy.
so just this april, i see the psychiatrist again, and she is willing to increase it to 20 mg and after taking it for a few days, it reduce my accent with the letter r when speaking english words, but some words i still have an accent though. as of this writing, it been 9 days since i took 20 mg and it still hasn't completely rid of my accent yet which make me believe i probably need to go higher than 20 mg. maybe 25, and if 25 still doesn't do, i am willing to go up to 30 mg and that is probably the highest i am willing to take.
the unfortunate things are, even though the real zyprexa does reduce to rid some of the english accent i have, it doesn't reduce my social anxiety disorder or paranoia as much as i like though. Even taking 20 mg of the real zyprexa, the anxiety and paranoia only reduce slightly. like from 3.3 out of 10 for social anxiety disorder down to only 2.9 and paranoia from 4 out of 10 before taking 20 mg of zyprexa to like down to 3.5 out of 10. that is not a lot though. i am hoping if increasing it to 25 mg or 30 mg might reduce it more but i am not sure how much. i would like for my social anxiety disorder and paranoia to go down to 0 completely but i am not sure if taking as much as 30 mg per a night will do though. either way, i will probably unlikely go higher than 30 mg though. i will ask my psychiatrist on what she thinks the next time i see her though.
Sorry for my very long update though.
