Tekken 8

[Paul2]

Sorry to hear that bro. To me it seems that you aren't only carrying the physical trauma of your scar, but also a lot of psychological traumas as well and are intertwined, one affecting the other.
The feelings of these experiences have never got away.
What is your plan to improve your situation?

thanks for asking a very good question.  my plans to improve my situation was had a head scar removal surgery which i did a long time ago despite the over surgery.  i had that surgery long time ago to get rid of the pain which triggered and amplified my angers and made me worn out.  my 2nd plan is to continue taking zyprexa at 30 mg to reduce or rid of my social anxiety disorder and paranoia which helps a little lately but not by much.  if i am lucky, if the med zyprexa i am taking one day rid of my social anxiety disorder and paranoia completely, i would like to go work maybe a part time job so i can make some money instead of collection s.s.i. money from the government.

those are my plans to improve my situation.  you are another one of my cool online friends too.

Hey Paul I saw your pictures and you are a fine looking fellow. Did you read my other post that came after the one you quoted?

Got Tekken 8 day one. The game is the most perfect fighting game I ever played.

[BizioEE]

Got Tekken 8 day one. The game is the most perfect fighting game I ever played.

I will most probably download it on Monday, this is the Ultimate Tekken and Fighting Game !!!

Drop me a message when you get it. We could play together

[Paul2]

Hey Paul I saw your pictures and you are a fine looking fellow. Did you read my other post that came after the one you quoted?

yes i did.  thanks you guys for complimenting me saying i am fine and very good looking.  it boosts my ego.

in my case, the head injury worn me out.  again, like a water hose where if someone steps on the hose, the water struggles to flow through.  as time goes by, the blood and oxygen flowed backward and back into my heart which gives me heartache every once in a while when i lay down back then.  the strange thing is when i got up from laying down, the heartache went away.  after the surgery, the blood and oxygen can flow through and i feel a lot healthier, pain on my head mostly went away except the over surgery where my nephew touched the scar where the pain came back.

i no longer become violence easily.  the symptoms of what were wrong with me were: way underweight, lips were dried and purple, hair sticked up, skin were dried and dark, i felt pain on the scar on my head, because of the pain i got angry easily, my anger were amplified.

so overall, i am doing good after the surgery despite the over surgery and my nephew damaged it as it healed up.

Here some more pictures to show you guys.  As you can see, on the first page of pictures of me taken in March 2002, i don't look healthy.  These pictures were taken 10 months before the surgery.  i looked so skinny, stressed out, stroke, and dried skin.

on the 2nd page picture, which was taken last October in 2023, for comparisons, i looked a lot healthier.  very nice brown glow skin, lips are redder, hair lay down too.

I m happy for you that you are much better now.

That health issue from your scar must have been such a pain to carry all this time.

Psychiatric medicine will get you only so far btw. There is a lot of work that has to be done on ourselves. Some of the anxieties have roots on experience or lack thereof.

Social anxiety is an expected outcome, when we were bombarded with pain, negative experiences and negative thoughts, and spent way too much time alone. It's all there is imprinted in the brain. It's the only point of reference.

Getting out of that and trying to go out is scary for real. I had a lot of that. I also had lots of social anxiety. It was so prevalent that it became normalized. So normalized that I didn't even know it was part of my everyday experience.

It took me years of trying to solve this. It was hard. I used to take anti-depressants after I got PTSD from the army. But I assure you, no medicine can turn a person from an introvert to a social man. It can't solve the problem of lack of social life. Medicine will take someone only so far. After that there is pretty justified and intense anxiety of unknowns, not knowing how and overthinking with the negative experiences driving the feeling. Which is where the work is required to be put by ourselves. Step by step to add up some new experiences and points of reference.

[Paul2]

thanks for the kind words.  very appreciated.

thanks a lot for your service in the army.  how many years did you serve in the army?  what happened that cause you to have ptsd if you don't mind me asking.  hope that one day you will find a way to rid of your social anxiety disorder completely so you can enjoy your life again.  the sooner, the better.

In my country it is mandatory for every male once they reach 18 years of age. Back then it was 2 years. Regardless if you are ready for it or not you have to swim in the BS.
I wasn't ready to deal with it. Wheather we like it or not, most of the time of these two years is spent in the army camp. The most unproductive disgusting low life place to be during the age where we are at our prime to discover ourselves.
We have to live with people that problematic and have douches as officers giving orders. Things may get troublesome, complicated and problematic in such a cesspool, an antisocial environment with back stabbing individuals, where nobody is happy to be there.

I was carrying my own internal baggage, and I was unprepared of what I was going to face. It made the baggage heavier and more traumatic. I couldn't protect myself in such an environment.

Just when I was exploring myself, trying to solve my past issues I was thrown to this place and it was a kick in the face. I went into a very dark place for a very long time. It amplified my trauma and my anxiety which had deep roots in my childhood.

It was a long journey to get out of it. But I am at a much better situation now.

A lot better. Sometimes I remember how I was during those dark times and I understand how many people may be lost forever, lost in their heads, unable to come out because they never had anything in life that could serve as an anchor that could give them a different perspective, some hope, something to work with, people who could give them the right support. The mind can be either the greatest enemy or the greatest friend

[Paul2]

sad to hear that.  have you overcome your social anxiety disorder yet?  how was your childhood like that were problematics?

good to hear that you are in a much better situation now.

Compared to where I was and where I am now I probably solved it. But without being able to compare with how someone who never had it feels, I can never know for sure.

There is no need to get into the details of my childhood. But the general gist of it, was an unsafe stressful environment inside and outside of home mentally and physically with no protection and full presence from parents, no one to guide me in life properly, no proper encouragement and motivation.

When we are young, we are trying to understand the world and ourselves and don't know what's right or wrong nor how to navigate situations. Uncomfortable situations can have their toll without support and guidance. Hence bad experiences form the wrong perceptions of the world and ourselves. Especially if no one can understand what we are experiencing and willing to help properly. So the weight falls totally on us to find ways to get out of it.

[Paul2]

good to know you finally solved it and found ways to get out of it.  hope things are better for you after you finally found ways to get out of it.

Anyone up for a session?

[BizioEE]