DRESS CODE:
>It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary,
if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we
>assume you are doing well financial and therefore you do not need a raise.
>>LUNCH BREAK:
>Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a
balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes
for lunch because that\'s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a
diet pill.
>
>SICK DAYS:
>We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>
>SURGERY:
>Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired
you
>intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
>
>PERSONAL DAYS:
>Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
>Saturday & Sunday.
>
>
>VACATION DAYS:
>All employees will take there vacation at the same time every year. The
>vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25
>
>
>BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
>non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
>involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
>afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is
>done.
>
>
>OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
>This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
>
>
>RESTROOM USE:
>Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future,
we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance,
all employees whose names begin with \'A\' will go from 8:00 to 8:20,
employees whose names begin with \'B\' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If
you\'re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait
until
the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees
may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees\' supervisors in writing
must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute
time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
>
>
>
>
>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
>positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments,
concerns,
>complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, sinuations,
>allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input
should be directed elsewhere.
>
>Have a nice week.
>
>Management
