After a swift and dangerous highway chase, a motorcycle cop finally managed to pull over the speeding BMW he was chasing. Upon walking up to the car, he noticed a that a flustered, beautiful red-head was behind the wheel.
"Ma\'am", he said "Just what were you thinking back there? I\'m afraid I\'m going to have to write you a citation and also give you a breathalizer test."
"Well, Ok," the Red-head replied as she leaned out her car window to blow on the device.
The cop then looked at the digital read out and said, "Looks like you\'ve had a couple of stiff ones tonight."
To that she replied, "Really? It can detect that too?!"
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Officer John Darby was making his drunk busting rounds at the local bars. As he sat in the alley beside the seedy pub, he spied his latest victim: A tall, lanky man stumbling through the parking lot. He watched as the man fumbled for his car keys and swayed drunkenly - scratching up the paint as he tried to unlock the door. Eventually the man got in, started up his car, an took off. Officer John, smelling blood, followed him out onto the roads.
After about 10 minuites of watching the man swerve across the yellow line, he decided to end his game and pulled the guy over.
"Well now," Officer John said with a satified grin to the man in the car, "Looks like you had some fun tonight. But now it\'s time to pay for it. I need you to breath into this."
When the drunk passed the breathalizer back to him, John was astonished to see it register double Zero. "Naw, that can\'t be right. Do it again". So the man blew into the contraption and again it came up O.O.
"Boy, I know you\'ze drunker than hell. How\'ed you fool this thing."
The man then looked up to him and said, "Oh easy.. I\'m the designated Decoy."
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There once was a man walking along the beach who found a antique old oil lamp. Deciding he could fetch a few dollars for it at his upcomming garage sale, he rubbed the sand off and low and behold a genie popped out.
"I shall grant you one wish" The genie said.
The man didn\'t have to think long before replying.. "I wish my Shlong could touch the ground."
"Granted" the genie said, and then cut off the man\'s legs.
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(Here\'s one for the older people around here)
Durring a history review, the teacher asked the class. "What american figure said.. "I have not yet begun to fight!"
A small Japaneese-American girl raises her hand and shouts, "John Paul Jones."
"Very good Tushi. Now, who can tell me who said... "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country?"
Again, the Japaneese-American girl raises her hand and shouts.. "Nathan Hale"
"Right again", the teacher said. "Now what\'s wrong with this class. Why is only Tushi answering these questions??"
A voice from the back of the rooms yelled out, "Well F*CK the Japaneese!"
Angrily the teacher snapped, "Who said that!"
Another voice cried out.. "Lee Iacocca!"
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(Finally, here\'s one for the women)
What\'s the difference between an Ohhh and an Ahhhh?
Oh, about an inch.
