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Author Topic: Share Your Joke 2004!  (Read 4173 times)

Offline i_killed_ur_dog
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Share Your Joke 2004!
« Reply #15 on: August 26, 2004, 10:27:05 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Paul2

Anyway, I didn\'t get the blonde, brunette, and redhead jokes in an elevator...


The Blonde blew every dude in the building so she knew what they all tasted like....it\'s less funny when you gotta explain the joke.
Don\'t be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonofabitch die for his.

-General George S. Patton

Offline Paul2

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« Reply #16 on: August 26, 2004, 10:35:45 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by i_killed_ur_dog
The Blonde blew every dude in the building so she knew what they all tasted like....it\'s less funny when you gotta explain the joke.


I didn\'t get it at first, but after thinking it for a while, that\'s what i thought too...sorry, i am kinda slow there.  But very good jokes.

Offline Avatarr
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Share Your Joke 2004!
« Reply #17 on: August 27, 2004, 04:52:03 AM »
Girl: Doctor I\'ve got tummy aches.
Doctor: Let\'s just take a look shall we..
*checkup*
Doctor: Whell, it seems like in 9 months, you\'ll be changing nappies!
Girl: OMG! Am I pregnant?!?
Doctor: Nope.
Girl: Oh thank God!!!!!
Doctor: You\'ve got BOWEL CANCER!!!!

Offline Paul2

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« Reply #18 on: August 28, 2004, 04:24:53 PM »
I got this joke from ultraman from a different forum:

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he\'s been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He\'s on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he\'d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".

"No, honey, she\'s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave\'s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

Offline i_killed_ur_dog
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« Reply #19 on: August 29, 2004, 10:14:16 PM »
^^
Ha....

Q. Why are honeymoons only 6 days long?

A. Because 7 days makes a hole weak.
Don\'t be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonofabitch die for his.

-General George S. Patton

Offline ßëñ
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« Reply #20 on: August 29, 2004, 11:27:13 PM »
:laughing:

Offline Paul2

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« Reply #21 on: August 29, 2004, 11:57:10 PM »
here is another one:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Offline Paul2

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« Reply #22 on: August 29, 2004, 11:59:51 PM »
dedicated to theomen and thx:

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You;ve got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don\'t care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I\'m not sure it\'d be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I\'ll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How\'d you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine.

"How\'d you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, \'Goodnight, beautiful,\' and he sat up all night watching me."

Offline Paul2

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« Reply #23 on: August 30, 2004, 12:02:41 AM »
and another one:

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they\'re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room to get a few hours sleep. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it\'s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren\'t worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn\'t use them", the man complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn\'t go to any of those shows," complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn\'t use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is
surprised when he looks at the check. But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That\'s right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping
with my wife."

"But I didn\'t!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
« Last Edit: August 30, 2004, 12:04:36 AM by Paul2 »

Offline i_killed_ur_dog
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« Reply #24 on: August 30, 2004, 03:21:50 PM »
Ok..So it\'s this kid\'s 4th birthday. His mother asks him what does he want. The kid says he wants to take a shower with her. The Mom says sure why not. So they\'re in the shower and the kid looks down. He asks his Mom " What\'s that?" The mother says "It\'s my sponge."  So they get out the shower and a couple hours later the kid comes back to his mother and asks " Ma, can I play with your sponge?" The mother says " I lost it." The kid goes away and comes back another hour later very excited. He says "Mommy! Mommy! I found your sponge! The lady next door is sticking Daddy\'s face in it!
Don\'t be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonofabitch die for his.

-General George S. Patton

Offline SwifDi
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« Reply #25 on: August 30, 2004, 06:10:17 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by i_killed_ur_dog
The kid says he wants to take a shower with her. The Mom says sure why not. So they\'re in the shower  


*fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap fwap*

Offline CHIZZY

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« Reply #26 on: August 31, 2004, 03:56:42 AM »
What\'s long, black and smelly?



The unemployment line!





Why does michael jackson like 28 year olds?





Because there\'s 20 of them!





why does the world hate the Jews?




Because they\'re shifty, money-lending tricksters who can\'t be trusted!


HA HA!!!!!!




j/k about the last one...and the first one...... OK, maybe not the first one...
Dinosaurs were killed in the flood. -#RaCeR#
Halle Berry just loves to give me the \"Dutch Oven\". That\'s why I stopped going down on her. It pisses me off so much that I just bang her til she faints. Bitch.-GmanJoe
i just try to make my sefhappy , by beng i company of fri

Offline Paul2

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« Reply #27 on: August 31, 2004, 04:44:30 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by CHIZZY


Why does michael jackson like 28 year olds?





Because there\'s 20 of them!

 

I don\'t gets it...

Offline CHIZZY

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« Reply #28 on: August 31, 2004, 05:51:40 AM »
It\'s more of an auditory trick... you\'re really saying "20 8-year-olds"....
Dinosaurs were killed in the flood. -#RaCeR#
Halle Berry just loves to give me the \"Dutch Oven\". That\'s why I stopped going down on her. It pisses me off so much that I just bang her til she faints. Bitch.-GmanJoe
i just try to make my sefhappy , by beng i company of fri

Offline Paul2

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« Reply #29 on: August 31, 2004, 12:39:12 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by CHIZZY
It\'s more of an auditory trick... you\'re really saying "20 8-year-olds"....


Oh.;)

 

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