Souly\'s building a house!

[§ôµÏG®ïñD]

wow. Would love to hear her side of the story.

:fighting:

u never will man, she wouldn\'t have the guts to say anything, if she did it would be all bullshit.  No one just throws away 10 years of a relationship while building a house within a span of a few days.. its just retarded. I\'m still upset, but i\'m at a stage where i hate her now and she hasn\'t dared try to contact any of our mutural long term friends, she\'s made no effort what so ever to even try to resolve this, she\'s bullshitted through friends, i even spoke with one of them today and this is what was said, this was daniel the mate that barely knows our relationship and shouldn\'t have ever even gotten involved.


[6:14:04 PM] Daniel Bodley: you there
[6:18:44 PM] Nathan Ross: yes
[6:18:56 PM] Daniel Bodley: hows things
[6:19:10 PM] Nathan Ross: lisa and I aren\'t together, she didn\'t even try to get back together with me
[6:19:31 PM] Daniel Bodley: is that what you wanted to tell me last night
[6:19:43 PM] Nathan Ross: i want to know what EXACTLY she told you man, because i\'ve been rackin my brain trying to figure out i\'ve meant to have done wrong?
[6:20:19 PM] Daniel Bodley: As I said, I told you everything.
[6:20:22 PM] Nathan Ross: she even emailed me saying she didn\'t send u to daniel to help us sort it out, that u were sent to me to help me get through this
[6:20:30 PM] Nathan Ross: i can\'t remember man, i was to emotional.
[6:21:21 PM] Nathan Ross: rigth now i\'m still fucked up.. i feel nothing and tomorrow i\'ll be worse.
[6:21:27 PM] Daniel Bodley: She said that becuase she felt guilty for getting me involved, she appologies to me for that.
[6:21:51 PM] Nathan Ross: what did she say was the reasons for leaving me?
[6:21:57 PM] Nathan Ross: she won\'t even talk to me face to face
[6:22:01 PM] Nathan Ross: at all
[6:22:15 PM] Nathan Ross: it was, nathan i lvoe u, 3 days later.. nathan i don\'t love u
[6:22:38 PM] Nathan Ross: and we\'re in the middle of building a house man
[6:22:55 PM] Nathan Ross: why would she go into this if she had doubts in our relationship.
[6:23:20 PM] Nathan Ross: she told her dad i was a bully and a liar.
[6:23:23 PM] Nathan Ross: she\'s abused my mother.
[6:23:53 PM] Nathan Ross: did u just send a message?
[6:24:29 PM] Daniel Bodley: no
[6:24:30 PM] Nathan Ross: and why did she go to you, and not talk to me directly? did she want to sort this out or not?
[6:24:47 PM] Daniel Bodley: I cant get involved she and you have to work it out mate, it really upset me last time and I am not up for getting into it again.
[6:25:08 PM] Daniel Bodley: I don\'t think I helped anyway
[6:25:10 PM] Nathan Ross: i\'m not getting back with lisa man, its over.. she won\'t even talk to me..
[6:25:24 PM] Nathan Ross: i just want to know if she wanted your help to sort this out
[6:25:43 PM] Daniel Bodley: She was open to it deffinetly
[6:26:06 PM] Nathan Ross: well, if she was open to it, why did she cut me out completely.. and not even attempt to talk to me.
[6:26:07 PM] Daniel Bodley: not liaing
[6:26:10 PM] Nathan Ross: i got this email man
[6:26:29 PM] Nathan Ross: Hi Nathan,
 
I am sorry that you are confused by the situation. I told you a week ago that I am walking away from this relationship and I meant it. The girl you love is no longer here she is gone. You have broken her and like the phoenix she has risen from the ashes a new and stronger woman. I care about your well being but, there is no room in my heart for you. We are not good for each other. With my people pleasing and your demanding we were domed to fail. The only thing I can tell you is that I am moving on and you should do the same. We will have to communicate about the house but that is the only contact I will have with you. The house can be sold after the 6 month grant period is up and then we can go our separate ways.
 
I wish you nothing but the very best for the future and all the happiness life has to offer.
[6:27:14 PM] Daniel Bodley: Pehaps she is not copping
[6:27:17 PM] Nathan Ross: thats what she sent me.. does that sound like she wanted to sort anything out
[6:27:28 PM] Nathan Ross: she told her dad to tell me to basically fuck off too
[6:27:51 PM] Nathan Ross: to forget about her was his words.
[6:27:55 PM] Nathan Ross: i even sent her flowers man
[6:28:04 PM] Nathan Ross: shes made no attempt to resolve this at all
[6:28:07 PM] Daniel Bodley: Flowers are good
[6:28:45 PM] Daniel Bodley: You sure she doesn\'t just need more time?
[6:28:58 PM] Nathan Ross: she told me, a few weeks before we broke up, that she was "not in love with me" and then the next week, she was inlove with me.
[6:29:31 PM] Daniel Bodley: you must remeber I was only there for 1 day I can\'t remember everything either
[6:29:32 PM] Nathan Ross: read the email i just sent to u... it says it all there...  she sent u to me to help me through this time.
[6:30:11 PM] Nathan Ross: heres the one saying about u.
[6:30:12 PM] Nathan Ross: Hi Nathan,
 
I sent Daniel to you because I know you would need a friend to talk to. You told him to go away so that\'s that. As for me and you the only communication between us will be in regards to the house. Please understand this has been coming for a long time and it is no ones fault we are not right for one another. There is nothing more to say.
[6:30:20 PM] Daniel Bodley: Well she is saying somthings and not other things, I didn\'t lie or hide anyhting she said
[6:31:07 PM] Nathan Ross: i\'m not saying u are.. i\'m sayign she was playing us man.. she had no intention of resolving this, otherwise she wouldn\'t have sent those nasty emails to me
[6:31:55 PM] Daniel Bodley: I really am so sorry for both of you mate, I tried to helpl.
[6:32:14 PM] Nathan Ross: she has never set a time to meet with me and talk this out, i\'m getting my stuff from her place on saturday..
[6:33:05 PM] Daniel Bodley: Well I hope when things calm down she will give you the talk you need.  I have to go mate, dinner.
[6:33:09 PM] Daniel Bodley: seeya
[6:33:24 PM] Nathan Ross: like i said man, i don\'t want her back, she has done this to me 4 times now
[6:33:32 PM] Nathan Ross: seeya

[§ôµÏG®ïñD]

so in a nut shell to me, she was playing the "innocent" game with her dad and daniel and when i told daniel to stay out of it she basically turned around and told me to fuck off, it was all a ploy, we have much closer friends she could have gone too, but she choice the person i see the least, i mean say once every 2 - 3 months if that..  when we have friends we see fortnightly..  makes no sense to me.  maybe she just reacted thinking i\'m cutting her off, but she knows me, and she could have easily picked up the phone by now and called me. She\'s basically not only screwed me, but herself.. and probably doesn\'t even realise it.  10 years together, for nothing.. start to build a house, get ready for marrage.. and she just goes nope... when at first it was her that was more into it then me... i did it for her when i felt i was ready..

[clips]

Damn..man, sorry to hear this news. I can understand you still wanting to be with her after so many years, but why would she bail out right in the middle of having a house built?..that is a HUGE responsibility. I also gotta say that no relationship requires alot of effort to make it work...if you find yourself in a relationship that takes alot to get it going, it most likely isn\'t worth it.

Hopefully you\'ll pull a profit from the house when it\'s built and you can be out of her life for good....trust....you will meet that person that is right for you and she won\'t be a headcase like your soon to be ex....i know it might sound corny, but the sooner you move on and forget about her the sooner you\'ll eventually end up meeting that woman that\'s right for you.

[§ôµÏG®ïñD]

thats the thing that shocking me the most, we didn\'t have much effort in our relationship, atlesat i think we didn\'t. She had a lot of pressure on her though, i think it just got all to much for her and she\'s decided to do this.   If i didn\'t build the house we wouldn\'t be together, I build the house and we\'re still not together.. it just makes no sense to me.

[Paul2]

i think again she might have some emotional problems going on that make her all over the places.  Is she in some sort of depression, anxiety, or something?  You said she had a lot of pressure on her, maybe she put a lot of pressure on herself and sounds like she\'s in some sort of anxiety disorder.

[§ôµÏG®ïñD]

who knows,  but its happened... i can\'t change her mind and to be honest, if she was having a breakdown you\'d think i\'d be the first person she\'d talk to.  I have this feeling her work mates have been mind fuckin her and basically shes taken in a lot of bs and believed it, while being under all this pressure.  Maybe she\'ll snap out of it and realise what she has done, maybe not...  Tomorrow i get my stuff back from her house.  Funny how within a few weeks it can be the most exciting time in my life, to the worst time in my life...  Most of my mates are saying better now then when u had kids, but still. I trusted her and gave everything i had, when a house isn\'t enough and thats what she wanted the most for us to move our relationship forward, she does this.    I thought i knew her, i guess not.

I know its hard and you have been with her for 10yrs. Who would want to start over being single after ten years. But man you got to do what is right. Move on and continue to focus on what is important to you.

I know marriages that don\'t last for 10yrs. I guess you have to take it as a lesson learned and if I were you Souly I would let her come to me. If she wants to get back with you and really loves you she will come to you. Honestly after all this could you see yourself getting back her?  Getting married and having this happen to you ten years later with 2 kids and at the age of 38? She is the one who is breaking up with you. I know it\'s hard and you want to no the reason why. But man I would talk to her as if that\'s all I want to no is why and not get back into a relationship.

If you do someway convince her and you guys get back together how long do you honest think before she does this too you again? Trust me dude I know how it feels to have the best thing and the worst thing happen to you in a matter of weeks. All you do is go back and think of ways you could have changed things. At the end of the day you have too look at it as if its not your fault and you had good intentions.

I know you love her and 10yrs is long and hard to let go. But man I learned in my past you never really no the other person like you think you do. Women are like that man. The fact that she is taking advice from others and not working things out with you show the BS right there. Hey man its your life and I wish you the best.

Damn, sorry to hear all that Souly. Hope you start feeling better soon pal.

[§ôµÏG®ïñD]

Well, i spoke with her today, (went to her house to get my shit back)
she basically told me she\'s not in love with me anymore, that our Phillip island trip was to get the "romance" back and when we started to build the house she realized that she couldn\'t be with me, she was excited about the house but then she snapped and figured out that "us" wouldn\'t work. Her own mother told her the butterflies don\'t last forever.

Anyway, during our talk she told me she was going to rent out a place and live on her own. Problem with that is how she can afford to rent and pay off the house at the same time.   I knew pretty much right then that she\'s cheated (cheating) and really didn\'t care for anything she had to say to me after that.

I felt a huge release on my shoulders, like I’ve just dodged a bullet. She did say some things that say she isn\'t cheating too, but I dunno, if I can\'t trust her "fuck her"  she said she feels alone at night, as do I, that on weekends she rolls over expecting me to be their but I’m not, which is how I feel. She told me she’s doing taekwondo with some dood at her work, but when I asked her to do it with me she had no interest. Speaks words to me, could be that dood she’s with now, donno.

She said when i came to her house she wanted to see if she felt anything for me, but she didn\'t so it confirmed it in her mind that she didn’t feel anything for me.. I hugged her and really, didn\'t feel anything too. It’s almost like she\'s fucked me over that much that I just don\'t have any trust of feelings for her anymore.

She said she\'d allow my mate Michael to buy out her half of the house after the 6 months grant period is up, that she\'d pay half for the driveway to be done, fencing and front landscaping. Then Michael could pay her out. Which hopefully happens. Because I’m tired of living at home with my parents and was so happy this was happening with lisa. Even so, she may feel nothing now, if she isn\'t cheating on me, she may start to realise what she had and now it’s gone. By that time (even now really) I won\'t want her back.

She said stuff like I was doing this house for her, yet every time she said "my house" I corrected her and said no.. "Our" house.  So I came to the conclusion in her twisted mind she thinks there\'s better out there and maybe there is..  But I REALLY feel sorry for the next poor bastard that gets stuck into her web.  She did push me into the whole house thing, but i did start to want it as much as she did.. Hopefully michael can buy out her half and that\'ll be the end of it.. She wants me to look after our dog nugget if we buy the house, which i\'m happy to, he\'s my little buddy too.

She\'s done nothing but lie to me through this whole thing, even today when i was getting my stuff back she was spinning bs.   I asked her why she told her dad i was a bully, she said she didn\'t say that.. Now i know her dad pretty well.. he HATES her family, he was being honest with me and even told me to forget about her. He could see through his own daughters bs.  
I ended the whole thing with, later down the track when I’m fully over all of this, we could be friends again, she said she\'d like that.. And I even joked about going on a double date with a chick and leaning over to her "poor bastard" and saying, "dood, I’ve tapped that" she laughed.

ahhh, i feel good now, but I know I’ll go up and down.. Hardest part will be getting a new routine in life; Lisa was my life every day, pity she just couldn\'t wait till we got into that house, both of us would have grown together rather then apart like she was feeling..  

If she isn\'t cheating, she\'s going to find it really HARD to rent a place and pay of a house debt for 6 months (unless she means rent after the house is sold).   Another lie she told me is that the day I had to sign a progress payment report she wasn’t at work.. I messaged her and told her that can she bring it to my work. She said no, she wouldn’t be at work.  Yet, that same day I got a email from her at her work saying it was over etc. I went to her work and her car wasn’t there (she must have gone to work in a different car)  I spoke to her dad and asked him about it, he said that she said this kind of shit was the reason we were breaking up, that I was lazy and didn’t make any effort to even bother to go to her work. I wanted just to talk to her. That’s all, now today she said it was because she didn’t want to upset me at my work, and that’s why she didn’t go to my work.   Just lie after lie after lie.  

It’s almost like every time I called her bluff she acted.  I took the progress report home to get it checked to make sure it was legally sound, then i get that email.. Hmmmmmm, when my mother called her at work, she text\'d me and said my mother wasn\'t to call her at work. I asked her why she said that and she said there is such thing as timing and during work hours wasn\'t one of them. I did tell my mother to apolagise for calling lisa at work which she did.

Ultimatily who knows what happened, but somewhere along the line she, NOT I lost communication with me, i told her how i felt all the time, when she was doing wrong etc.. she never told me if she was having a problem with anything or even the fact she was "falling" out of love with me. She told me that she held me on a high petastool and when it popped she realised i wasn\'t the person she wanted to be with.. I\'ve been with this chick 10 years, how the hell can u say u don\'t know who your with.. Just makes no sense.

Personally, i think she was playing the field and when she landed the "other" guy she let me go.   Well, shes gonna have a hard life lesson that nothing lasts forever and she\'ll be more alone in the future then she even realises now, just like her mother and aunt. One big alone family.  I could be wrong about the whole thing, but to many things didn\'t gell together and to me, that = lies.

Another thing i noticed was her room was just about completely cleaned out. Just about everything was gone execpt her bed, desk and tv.  I asked if i could keep her bed (that i already have), and she asked if she could keep my desk. I gave her that desk, and the pc in it. .Said asked if i wanted the LCD screen back and i said no that was in her closet too, which i gave her.


Its sad that it ended this way, when all it would have taken is just lisa to balls up and tell me to fuck off when i annoyied her. She felt like i took advantage of her, which i admit i did at times, but she didn\'t say no and thats all she needed to say. She also took advantage of me, my family helped her through a lot and so did I. I\'ve reflected from this, although i saw this as a adult relationship, she\'s still stuck in the bubble which she thinks she\'s gotten out off.  She\'s taken steps backwards in her life, not forward.

More or less right there with you bro.  Not a huge kanye fan but this helped me a week ago when shit really hit the fan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhj3rgxwZsU

When you start to think about her again just tell yourself: "You wait a couple months then you gonna see, you\'ll never find nobody better than me."



PS- Try to avoid EVERY urge to communicate with her.  Change her name on your phone to DO NOT TEXT (anti-drunk dial measure), block her on gchat, facebook, everything.  She needs to analyze herself and realize either what she lost or if she really has to move on.  Being friends or fuck buddies will make the whole situation worse.  Easier said than done, especially when you\'ve lived with someone for so long but you have to do this.

Go on a roadtrip with friends, spend much more time with family, take up guitar, anything to keep your mind & energy working on something else.

Also don\'t rule out a good relationship counselor/therapist.  Reading your posts reminds me of me- you have a ton on your mind and need to get it out.  An unbiased, professional 3rd party will help with the healing process, whether you two get back together or not.  Good luck.

[nO-One]

Just listen to Exile by Slayer... if there\'s ever a song about hating ones ex... then that\'s the song...

Sorry to hear souly... saw your status on facebook last week or so. I figured rather than ask you there that you\'d probably written it here. Hope you\'re holding up okay man..

[§ôµÏG®ïñD]

this is far from over, gotta sign another progress report tomorrow.. She wants to meet at mcdonalds near her work. Which is strange, when i could just sign the paper work at her work.

[§ôµÏG®ïñD]

well i spoke to her at mc\'s, nothing has changed, she still feels the same way. I told her i do too, but i don\'t really, i don\'t know what to feel anymore. You can\'t just turn off feelings for someone that you\'ve been with over 10 years. She looked like she\'s lost weight, which i can\'t understand. Always thought the people that breakup with someone don\'t go through the emotional side of it themselves, Unless shes feeling the loss as much as i am. Which i guess she would be, i don\'t blame lisa for anything really. I played a part in this, i just wish i could turn the clock back and make the choices different that i know started this. Mainly telling my old best mate to fuck off and talking to the bosses about it. That would have made a massive different in my self esteem which has been pretty crappy the last few years, lisa was the one good thing in my life.

I also personally think to many people have gotten involved and twisted everything (including putting bs thoughts into my head, i don\'t think shes cheating, i just couldn\'t imagine her doing that) putting their own ideas on how a relationship should be, whats she doing and why, how i\'m acting and its done nothing but cause our relationship to drown.
I feel personally that she\'s been listening to people that don\'t even know me, or even us as a couple and they\'ve for whatever reason supported whatever bad ideas she has of me without even knowing me.  I\'ve had people telling me to just fuck her off, shes not worth it, stuff like that. That know her as much as her friends know me. Its just wrong. I always felt that your partner comes before mates, partners are forever (so i thought) and mates come and go.


My mind has become clearier as time has gone on, i\'ve started to listen to myself rather then everyone elses opinion.  I\'ve realised that to me, a lot of relationships get distroyed because people can\'t just leave people alone (family, friends etc) they have to get their ideas across and keep pushing them. My parents did it a lot and lisa didn\'t deserve it, i got angry at them for getting involved when they did. Lisa got away from her family. I\'d do the same if i could but i\'ve got no where to go really.
I\'ve been mainly hangin out with mates to get my mind off things. Which has helped a lot, some have had their opinions (good and bad) i\'ve mostly ignored them. I tend to vent a lot
They don\'t hate lisa for this, they\'re just as buffled as i am. More dissapointed in the whole thing.

but even now, it still doesn\'t feel right. Like it wasn\'t meant to happen. We were very close, then bam.. Its over. I never felt it was a relationship of convenience otherwise i wouldn\'t have gone into a house with her. I mean, to me that = kids, marrage the whole 9 yards.

I\'ll continue on with my life i guess. I\'ll be living in the house, maybe for a year, which will most likely make it even harder for me to move on, reminded everyday i go there.. i donno. I still will have to get in touch with lisa\'s dad to lay the tiles for the house. I got along with frank quite well, more so then anyone else in lisa\'s family, so it\'ll be good i guess to see him again.
I guess i\'ll have to just do my best to turn this downside into a upside and use the loads of free time i\'ll have to train again, i\'ll buy the gym i wanted to get and workout, guitar, gaming and partying.  See.. i vent alot

[Jumpman]

cliff notes plz